Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇵 has shared:

I’m a simple person. All I need in life to be happy is to have everything go my way and work out how I want it to.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

I got fired from my job at the massage parlor. No specific reason, apparently I just rub people the wrong way.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has downloaded:

“Your account balance is low!” Brother, wait until you see my will to live.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has shared:

The main difference between my dog and my kid is my dog responds to her name being called.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

Why is the debate at night time? Let’s get this thing started at 4pm. I don’t need to get riled up so close to bedtime.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has bookmarked:

You’re never alone. There’s mold.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has bookmarked:

Does running away from my problems count as cardio?

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

One day my kids will move out and discover the dishes don’t clean themselves and I feel for them. I really do.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

Worst fears: 1. being infertile 2. being pregnant.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has copied:

Mouse in a conference call: hold on, I’m gonna put you on squeakerphone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,232

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on WeChat:

I think there’s a size limit on engagement rings before they look tacky, to me.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Pregnancy is crazy. You really come home with someone you don’t know, with no teeth.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I can keep my mouth shut, but you can read the subtitles on my face.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

How great is it to do absolutely nothing and follow it up by taking a rest.

Shared recently on Discord:

Easy there, unsaved number.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Since emojis have been around, I finally have a rough idea of how women feel when they don’t know what to wear.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

My boss wants me to train some other employees so it’s pretty obvious he has no idea I am completely incompetent.

Just landed via Telegram:

Not arguing with people anymore, I’m just gonna say “it makes sense that you would think that”.

Just landed via Instagram:

Oh, him? He’s my insignificant other.

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

4 weeks ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Just call me the "Silent RT Ninja"—I'm basically retweeting in Morse code 😂🤐🔄

era, humor, internet, just, media, retweet, social, social media, speechless

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

0

5 months ago

habit, humor, irony, keep, learning, mistake, mistakes, new, old, ones, procrastination, repetition, same, self-awareness, why
Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

0

2 months ago

addiction, detox, digital, digital detox, humor, i, interaction, iPhone, judge, judgment, myself, outdoor, outside, people, person, put, remind, self-reminder, social, social interaction, sometimes, technology, technology addiction
I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

0

2 months ago

bus, condition, die, fast, humor, i, joke, life, reference, speed, urgency, walk, where, wherever
Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

0

2 months ago

commentary, expression, humor, knowledge, lack, let, media, never, opinion, people, social, social media, strong, Twitter, welcome, where
How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

0

2 months ago

container, craving, cream, dessert, eating, food, ice, ice cream, still, stop, temptation
Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

0

2 months ago

agree, conversation, dude, humor, public, random, self, talking, Twitter, walking, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

23 shares on Messenger this month:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

37 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Both my wife and my doctor said no more jumping on the bed. But they don’t get it. They don’t know what it’s like to live with the Monkey Instinct.

86 shares on Instagram this month:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

71 shares on Threads this month:

Overthinking should at least burn calories.

57 shares on YouTube this month:

Why a bug would spend such a long fraction of its short life immobile on my ceiling beats me.

81 shares on Reddit this month:

There are no laws against pineapples on pizza.

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

“I’ve been fantasizing about going back to bed since I woke up this morning.”

59 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have no use for mean people. I’ll walk right past you like you’re furniture.

19 shares on Facebook this month:

If you’re riding a bike in New York City, it means you care about your health. Riding one in Tennessee means you got a DUI.

38 shares on Slack this month:

That thing they say about getting drunk with the love of your life in a walkable city is no joke. It hits like crack.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

No more relationships for me, the last one was an embarrassment to my gangsta.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

They portray Pilates like it’s this cute girly thing and it’s actually training for combat.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has downloaded:

Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not. It will never bring you true happiness or fulfillment. Also, it’s a felony.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has bookmarked:

Turtles made out of plastic, problem solved.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has shared:

I just lost all my tabs. Only now do I understand the tragedy that was the burning of the Library of Alexandria.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I don’t have bad handwriting, I’m just using my own font.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I started calling the new guy at work “Grok” because he thinks he knows everything.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

Thanks to AI, some of us went from being told by our parents not to trust the internet to having to tell our parents not to trust the internet.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has bookmarked:

Facial recognition technology, but for me when I’m talking to people I’ve apparently met before.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

There’s an app for the people who say they’re not seeking some form of validation here. It’s called a diary.

Just landed via X:

Imagine sex with me. No, not like that, you’re doing it all wrong!

Seen just now on Slack:

I don’t know about you guys, but when I have to make a decision I analyze the situation, evaluate the risk, take measures to limit the consequences and then I completely screw up.

Broadcasted on Discord:

I love unfollowing people. You have displeased me for the last time. Leave my sight.

Just shared via Messenger:

Feeling weird from my cookie-based diet.

Breaking via Snapchat:

This summer I’m going cicada mode: emerging briefly from my house and being really loud until I find a mate.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

Breaking via Slack:

Has anyone ever died from waiting for a group of people to decide what they want to eat.

Just landed via YouTube:

I hurt my bottom after shaking it at the office party. It was a twerk-place injury.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

In my retweeting era, because I’m just speechless.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Why make new mistakes when you can keep repeating the same old familiar ones.

Sometimes I have to remind myself to put down my iPhone, go outside, and judge people in person.

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Welcome to Twitter, where people never let their lack of knowledge get in the way of expressing a strong opinion.

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

Twitter is like talking to yourself in public and some random dude walking by agrees with you.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨