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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇲 has downloaded:

Yes, we absolutely can push our meeting to sometime after the new year, or mid-March, or the year after next, or never.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a Monday, asking it to be a Friday.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has downloaded:

I’m willing to do anything for a job except write a cover letter.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

For years I thought an oncologist was just the doctor they kept on-call at all times.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Sometimes, u just gotta clean your room and apply an elaborate skincare routine, and pretend that’s equivalent to getting ur life in order.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has copied:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has viewed:

I’m a good listener. If you’re interesting.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

330 this month

Funny Quotes Total

14,923

Funny Quotes Topics

17,095

Funny Quotes Images

14,923

Updated

Dec 12, 2025

Users Online

3,696

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Filling my PEZ dispenser with Ibuprofen for whimsical pain relief.

Making waves on Reddit:

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So, in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

Trending via Reddit:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Making waves on YouTube:

Buying groceries with no food stamps should boost your credit score.

Going viral on Messenger:

Someone asked me how much I spend on a bottle of wine. 30 minutes was not the right answer.

Going bananas on Telegram:

If you’re going to walk in my shoes, please also wear my FitBit.

Breaking via WeChat:

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

1 month ago

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Commentary:
Identifying with my caveman ancestors one marshmallow at a time 🔥😂

crazy, entertaining, entertainment, epigenetic, epigenetic memory, fire, memory, open, open fire, real, shit, stare

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

2 months ago
account, beginning, fresh, fresh start, humor, i, life, mess, mess up, mistakes, new, new beginning, restart, start
No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

1 month ago
activity, apps, around, communication, dating, DM, fun, going, just, people, send, smile, social, unhinged, walk, year
My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

1 month ago
aid, communication, compromise, happy, hearing, hearing aid, humor, husband, key, marriage, needs, refusal, refuses, relationship
I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

1 month ago
Arabia, Howdy, humor, i, just, laughing, laughter, someone, still, Texas
One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

1 month ago
aging, birth, birth date, date, forms, getting, getting older, halfway, having, humor, i, nap, noticed, observation, older, online, online forms, scrolling, short, stop, technology, thing, year
Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

2 months ago
code, dining, experience, humor, irony, live, menu, moment, phone, put, qr, QR code, restaurant, technology

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇱 has copied:

Telling an introvert to go to a party is like telling a saint to go to Hell.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I don’t wanna brag, but my posts are unpopular on all continents.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has downloaded:

I’ve had two glasses of wine and responded with “Omgggg congrats, sweet girl” on an engagement post of someone I haven’t spoken to in 5 years.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

If I unsubscribe from your email list, I definitely do not need you to send a follow-up email to confirm.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has downloaded:

Coffee: Because without it I would be a serious danger to society.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

I started at the bottom, and it’s been downhill ever since.

Someone from 🇲🇾 has copied:

Never forget that your fave celebs were trying to sell you cartoon monkey pictures during a pandemic.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Life is so dull when you don’t have someone to flirt with.

Just shared via Slack:

“Do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life.” Yeah, because I won’t be leaving my bed.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Clearly, hell is empty, the demons are all here.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

I have a lot to offer! Most of it’s bad, but it’s still a lot.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

If I delete a tweet, I should disappear with it.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I followed a diet but it didn’t follow me back, so I unfollowed it.

Breaking via Twitch:

Oh, to live in simpler times, when there was nothing to do but sit by the seashore and contemplate the miracle of existence.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

To everyone I offended this year: do better next year, so I don’t have to do it again.

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

Never trust a wet fart.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

I be like, “I needed this,” and it’s just me getting drunk.

I have lived way too many lives for people to think they know everything about me.

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

“You’re a cougar!” God forbid a woman gives back to the youth.

We keep a potato masher in a drawer because sometimes it’s fun not to be able to open that drawer.

I might not put the sparkle in your eyes, but I’ll definitely put the “WTF” wrinkles in your forehead.

I put my music on shuffle then get mad when it doesn’t play the song I want.

Quitting my job to focus on decorating the tree.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

“I didn’t vote for this.” — people who absolutely voted for this but thought this would only hurt people they hate.

I found there was only one way to look thin: hang out with fat people.

Are they honking at me because I’m cute or because I can’t drive.

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Your life can’t fall apart if you never had it together.

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It’s crazy how genuinely entertaining it is to stare into an open fire. That’s some real epigenetic memory shit.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

No dating apps this year. Just going to walk around and smile at people and send an occasional unhinged DM.

My husband needs a hearing aid, but refuses to get one because it’s the key to our happy marriage.

I just heard someone refer to Texas as “Howdy Arabia” and I still haven’t stopped laughing.

One thing I have noticed about getting older is having to stop for a short nap halfway through scrolling down to my year of birth when completing online forms.

Restaurants: put your phone down, live in the moment. Also, scan our QR code and browse our menu.

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

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