I’ve cut my fingernails too short and now I can’t open my shower gel. What’s the point of being well-groomed if I can’t smell like mangos?

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

If a woman says “Do what you want!”, then for God’s sake don’t do what you want!

Someone from 🇬🇶 has downloaded:

I don’t even check my bank account no more. I just swipe my card and if it’s god’s will, money will be debited.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has downloaded:

Me: “I’m still young.” My bones: “No, we not.”

Someone from 🇫🇯 has bookmarked:

I’m getting targeted ads about chin fat and I’m offended by the relevance.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

Would have started saving money in kindergarten if I knew my life was like this.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

The sheer audacity of life to ask anything of me today.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Seems like paleontologists always have a bone to pick.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has viewed:

Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

Before the internet, people thought that there was only one idiot per town. We were so wrong.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I dreamt this night that I had died and when I woke up, a piece of me was actually already stiff.