I’ve heard so much about the “Eye of the Tiger,” but how come no one ever talks about the other four letters?

22 shares on Telegram this month:

I couldn’t work at a zoo. I’d have a penguin in my car by the end of the shift.

68 shares on Snapchat this month:

Why is everyone so chill about parrots being able to talk? That’s a whole animal. Talking.

77 shares on Threads this month:

Salt and pepper shakers add an air of mystique to any bathroom.

87 shares on Discord this month:

I would rather walk directly into the ocean than tell people a fun fact about myself.

32 shares on Instagram this month:

Being gracefully insane is the secret to a happy life.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

Killing with kindness is a murder by compliments.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

If you get hangovers, it’s because you drank the beers with impure intentions and heavy karmic debt.

26 shares on Reddit this month:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

34 shares on Facebook this month:

Have to connect the printer to my new laptop, and my goal is to cry no more than three times.

45 shares on Discord this month:

Rich people go to parties. It’s what they do, and somehow we must all watch videos of it.