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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

My kids had to work extra hard this morning but they were able to get the clean house back to it’s normal messy state just in time for the guests to arrive.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has bookmarked:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

I know how to use an abacus as a tambourine.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has viewed:

Your honor, I was under the impression it was hammer time.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Filling animals with helium is kinda weird, but whatever floats your goat.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I’m professionally employed and personally unhinged. Balance.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has viewed:

WhatsApp calls should indicate whose internet is poor to avoid unnecessary arguments.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

After a quick review of my finances, everyone is going to have to be happy with a forehead kiss for Christmas.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has viewed:

Venting to ChatGPT is crazy, y’all turning schizophrenic.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Jan 2, 2026

3,496

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Twitch:

I’m actually pretty attractive, if you don’t compare me to anyone, ever.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Baby for sale. Refuses to wear shoes.

Just shared via Facebook:

Don’t put words in my mouth—that’s where the hot dogs go.

Just landed via WeChat:

Breaking News: No matter how close you are with your colleagues, never discuss your personal matters at work. Neverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

Spotted on Instagram:

Brother: What are you bringing to Thanksgiving dinner? Me: Wine and unresolved issues. They pair nicely.

Trending via Facebook:

My dog is quite vain. Whenever the doorbell rings, he thinks it’s for him.

Trending via Facebook:

I took a pole and found that 100% of people in the tent were angry.

Just shared via Reddit:

This summer went by so fast, I didn’t even get a chance to lose any weight.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Never understood why people train their dogs to sit pretty or roll over when there are useful tricks like empty the dishwasher or fold the laundry.

Just shared via Instagram:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

2 months ago

0

Just bought a new umbrella for the person that finds it tomorrow.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Ah, the classic 'lost umbrella' scenario – a true test of karma! 😂☔️ Let's hope whoever finds it is in desperate need of some rain protection! Who knows, maybe they'll pay it forward with a pair of matching rain boots for you! 🌧️👢"

finds, gift, humor, irony, just, new, person, tomorrow, umbrella

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The younger generation will never know the fear and anxiety of calling your friend’s house, and their parents answer the phone.

0

5 months ago

answer, anxiety, call, calling, fear, friend’s house, friends, generation, house, know, never, parent, parents, phone, younger, younger generation
I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

0

2 months ago

alcohol, brain, brain cell, cell, cells, day, disappointment, drinking, expectation, found, humor, i, irony, kill, party, political, political party
Stop eating cakes with the fakes and come eat a bundt with a cundt.

0

2 months ago

cake, eat, eating, food, food humor, humor, language, playful, playful language, puns, stop, sweet, sweet treat, treat, wordplay
The biggest problem with finding another job is I don’t want one.

0

2 months ago

another, employment, finding, humor, i, job, problem, want, work
My husband said it would be easier if we had a Christmas house that we moved into in December, instead of taking all these decorations out.

0

4 weeks ago

Christmas, December, decoration, decorations, easier, family, family life, holiday, house, humor, husband, life, moved, moving, said, taking
He died doing what he did best, trying to get a croc to wear a Croc.

0

2 months ago

animal, attempt, best, croc, died, doing, fashion, humor, irony, trying

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

40 shares on Reddit this month:

“Comparison is the thief of joy!” Well, not if you’re better than everyone else.

40 shares on Threads this month:

I am awake. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

88 shares on Messenger this month:

Eight times a day, I ask myself which object in the office will hurt me enough so that I can go home, but at the same time won’t hurt too much.

78 shares on Instagram this month:

I have neither the patience nor the crayons to show you why this is a bad idea.

88 shares on Discord this month:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

80 shares on Telegram this month:

The people who upload old movies to the internet are holding society together.

85 shares on X this month:

This Monday has Monday written all over it.

11 shares on Telegram this month:

I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

74 shares on Facebook this month:

Nothing has improved the quality of my life more than living beyond my means.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

This Monday could have been an email.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

All I care about is being financially stable and getting sexier.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Adulthood is basically just trying to fall asleep at night and stay awake during the day.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Not texting back is only ok when I do it.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

They say money can’t buy happiness, but could someone just give me a lot of it and let me see for myself?

5 folks are currently checking 👀

The only thing I know about AI is, it desperately wants us to have more fingers.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

A person that weights 200 pounds on Earth weighs 76 pounds on Mars. So I’m not overweight, I’m on the wrong planet.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Venmo is my favorite social media site. I love to see my boy John charge his wife for Martinis.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

It’s pretty apt that the ‘i’ is in the middle of ‘hurricane’.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,538

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇬 has viewed:

I may be the reason why our kids are ugly, but you’re the reason why they’re stupid.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has viewed:

“I hate small talk!” Oh okay. Do you think all your grandparents are going to heaven?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has shared:

Starting drama with me the week before my period is an absolutely terrible idea – for you.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

The thing I hate most about my stationary bike is having to pick it up and turn it around for the return trip.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has shared:

When I’m president, I will add an additional hour between 6 and 7pm.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Just burned 2,000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at Walmart.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has shared:

The ‘b’ in ‘subtle’ totally is.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

Shoulda named my daughter Calculus cause damn she’s complicated.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has copied:

You know those lines you see painted on parking lots? I know this will come as a shock to some of you, but you’re supposed to park between them.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has bookmarked:

Handsome, you better get to the point, my beer buzz is starting to wear off.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

My toxic trait is thinking I can nap, then waking up 3 hours later in a parallel universe where I missed everything.

Trending via YouTube:

The sexual tension between me and a late afternoon coffee to get me through the workday.

Just shared via Instagram:

If i had $5 for every time I said up yours to someone, my butler would be saying it for me.

Spotted on Snapchat:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

We could have high-speed rail that connects the entire country, but instead we get AI porn bots that steal all of our drinking water to entertain the dumbest people alive.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

January 1st: anything is possible. January 2nd: but not today.

Going viral on Threads:

Unpopular activity: minding your own business.

Making waves on Messenger:

When I get bored on a Zoom meeting, I put a cursor under the speaker’s nose to make it look like they have a booger.

Spotted on Discord:

Still writing the old year on all my ransom notes.

Going viral on Instagram:

“I’m just a girl!” No, you are a monster.

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