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Someone from 🇦🇱 has bookmarked:

The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has shared:

Nudes are outdated. Send me a video of you reading out loud so I know you’re not dumb.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

You either get a kid who eats like a bottomless pit, or you get one that when asked what they want for lunch answers “No thanks, I had lunch yesterday.”

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

Crazy that caffeine has no short or long-term negative side effects. Just a super drug from God.

Someone from 🇰🇭 has viewed:

I’m not like other girls. I don’t have a podcast.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has copied:

I could never be an Instagram mom influencer. For starters, I wouldn’t be able to give my kids a name like Banjo or Parmesan or Chandelier.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has downloaded:

No thanks, social media influencers. I prefer making decisions the old-fashioned way: under the influence of alcohol.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has viewed:

It’s generally a good idea to start punching and throwing elbows immediately upon waking up because there may be enemies nearby.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has downloaded:

In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency notify”, I put “Doctor.”

Someone from 🇳🇴 has viewed:

The only thing preventing me from moving to Finland is the language barrier and a job.

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Updated

Feb 3, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on YouTube:

Life is weird and then you die.

Broadcasted on X:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

I’m at my most math when I solve a problem while creating three new ones.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

Be the lemon you want the world to hand to others.

Breaking via Telegram:

Imagine surviving Covid 19 and then China releases Covid 19S Plus Pro.

Spotted on Facebook:

I’m only here while I wait for that Nigerian prince to follow through on his end of the bargain.

Spotted on YouTube:

No, it’s fine. I watched some cartoons and now I feel a little more at ease with your stupidness.

Just landed via Threads:

You come from dust and you’ll return to dust, so that’s why I never dust. It could be someone I know.

Shared recently on YouTube:

Are you gonna meow for me or what, bro?

Shared recently on Telegram:

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

7 days ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous quote about Netflix offering movies you don't want to watch.

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Commentary:
When Netflix's algorithm is 100% sure I need "A Documentary on Ant Farming" instead of the blockbuster I actually searched for! 📽️🐜🍿

choice, entertainment, frustration, humor, i, me, movie, Netflix, streaming, want, watch

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80 shares on Reddit this month:

There’s no bigger test of patience than typing your email address in on a TV with the remote.

52 shares on Slack this month:

I hate when I lose things at work, like my favorite pen or my will to live.

52 shares on YouTube this month:

Pretty sure the best place to hide a dead body is in a new tab you opened to read later.

60 shares on Reddit this month:

Every time I see a couple riding a tandem bike, I try to figure out which one of them is pissed about it.

82 shares on Snapchat this month:

As a beautiful woman, sometimes the most powerful thing you can say is “ew.”

19 shares on Facebook this month:

Very disappointed to find out that the universal remote control I bought does not control the universe.

98 shares on Slack this month:

(at an incredibly low point in my life) I should start dating again.

74 shares on TikTok this month:

Meteorologists are always talking about the weather and hardly ever about meteors.

51 shares on Reddit this month:

An email so annoying, you wanna return the computer to the store.

81 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some woman is out there right now, pregnant with Leonardo DiCaprio’s next girlfriend.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇹 has copied:

I took my kids to the zoo when they were small, I wonder how they are getting on now.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Hot girls have a private Instagram account with 20 followers.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has copied:

I’m not good at solving Pi, but I’m really good at eating it.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has downloaded:

Just a little reminder to laugh as much as you can, stay hydrated, and don’t let shitty people kill your vibe.

Someone from 🇲🇼 has shared:

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has copied:

“You’re overthinking this!” Bro, I have anxiety. I have no other type of thinking available.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has viewed:

I hate when a guy asks “can you cook?” Can you build a house?

Someone from 🇵🇦 has copied:

Attention: will the owner of a small blue planet with tectonic plates please attend to your vehicle. It is overheating.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Guns N’ Roses: “Welcome to the jungle!” The jungle: “No more humans, please!”

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Slack:

Sorry, I laughed at your bad joke. I was trying to flirt.

Trending via Threads:

Can’t wait for this AI bubble to pop so we can all go back to normal, just like how the internet completely disappeared after the dot-com bubble popped.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I’m not climbing a hill if I’m dying. That sounds terrible. I’ll die on this chair. Drinking orange Fanta.

Shared recently on Messenger:

The 80s were wild, man. You had bands naming themselves after predatory cats with hearing problems.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The trick of life is to get the sports car before you have to grunt getting in and out of it.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

Life on other planets be like: “I hope those lunatics don’t discover us!”

Spotted on WeChat:

Taylor Swift’s most unrealistic lyric is “he’d never tell you, but he can play guitar”, because I’ve never met a man who can play guitar that isn’t gonna tell you about it.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The free hotel blow-dryer should be easier to get off the bathroom wall.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

The thief who stole my iPhone could face time.

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Activity Log ✨

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “What kind of trees are those?”

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

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Activity Log ✨

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Keep the laugh going 😂

The problem with “treat yourself” is that I don’t know how to stop. I had a bad day in March, and I’ve been treating myself ever since.

One day you’re young and fun and the next you’re saying, “What kind of trees are those?”

When animals lead you to a place, it’s so cute… like, yes, I’m still following. Thank you for constantly turning around to make sure.

The older I get, the more I realize how much I love being at home, doing nothing.

Touch my butt, not my coffee.

Hi, I’m a social media user, you might know me from such hits as “I’m leaving this stupid place” and “I’m back everybody.”

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