Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

  • Before I had kids I was only vaguely aware that Saturday had a 7am.
  • You know shit’s about to get real when I put on yoga pants before dessert.
  • I always make sure the garage door is shut. Wouldn’t want hoodlums stealing the stuff I’ve been meaning to get rid of for years.
  • It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.
  • In the morning: Tired! At lunchtime: Tired! In the evening: Tired! In bed: “Everybody dance now!”
  • They say the human body is 60% water, but after extensive observation of my husband and son, I’d like to submit a revision to the data. Those two are at least 50% wind.