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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇱 has downloaded:

Offering someone food, and secretly hoping, they don’t want it.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has viewed:

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has shared:

My life is just a series of awkward moments separated by snacks.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has viewed:

I hate porn that starts off with sex. I need to know why they have sex.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

Please, Tinder, add AI to your app. I don’t want to be involved in the modern dating experience. Let a robot do it for me. Let the machines suffer in our place.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has downloaded:

Shazam, but for the name of the person who literally just introduced themself to me.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

AI could never replace me, you can’t put this much self-loathing into a machine.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has bookmarked:

You don’t use a semicolons correctly; you use a semicolon confidently.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has downloaded:

My husband is the do-it-yourself type. I asked him to take out the garbage and he said, “do it yourself.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

237 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,506

Funny Quotes Topics

17,571

Funny Quotes Images

15,506

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,251

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via YouTube:

I would never be comfortable delivering a baby. I can’t even remove an avocado pit without dropping it.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Be a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet on the inside.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

This entire “presidency” is like being tied to a chair and watching a toddler play with a loaded pistol.

Going viral on Twitch:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Going bananas on WeChat:

A social media post so confusing you turn your music down to read it.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Why do my fully charged AirPods deplete at different rates? Do I listen harder out of one ear?

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Me, in heaven: Can you take a photo of me sitting on that cloud?

Going viral on Facebook:

The only squat I’m even considering doing today is diddly.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

Seen just now on Facebook:

The most avoidant man you know is somewhere telling someone he’s a lover boy.

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

3 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Guess some people just can’t handle the high stakes of underwater fang-tastic fiction! 😂🧛‍♂️🚢

apology, found, Goodreads, humor, novel, reviewer, submarine, unrealistic, vampire, vampires

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

0

2 months ago

delivery, doorstep, fastest, fastest person, humor, joke, man, paid, pay, payment, person, pricing, street, theft, unexpected
Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

0

2 months ago

celebration, excuse, fight, fighting, fun, humor, i, late, party, right, sorry
It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

0

2 months ago

clutter, frustration, kitchen, lid, need, organization, simplicity, Tupperware
I love men with a provider fetish.

0

2 months ago

fetish, humor, i, love, man, men, provider
There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

0

2 months ago

activity, cleaning, ever, every, humor, meditative, mindfulness, perfect, person, plan, planning, reflect, revenge, single, something, time, wronged
I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

0

2 months ago

baby, crying, envy, escape, event, gathering, humor, i, leave, parents, social, social gathering

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on YouTube this month:

You can tell a group isn’t gonna make it big just by their name.

93 shares on Telegram this month:

Responding to all selfies with “this should work.”

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I used to question authority, but now I question everything.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

17 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Dates are weird, like, okay I guess I’ll dress up for my romantic interview.

40 shares on Threads this month:

How did we decide to go with cockpit?

87 shares on Messenger this month:

King Kong should’ve been able to find a better place to hide than the top of the tallest building in the middle of New York City.

48 shares on WeChat this month:

In retrospect, I guess “one drunken night of stupidity” isn’t the best response when a child asks you where babies come from.

85 shares on Telegram this month:

My fairytale would be called the princess and the pea sized bladder.

53 shares on TikTok this month:

How does a government that takes 40% of everyone’s money end up being trillions in debt?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

I have been alive all my life, and have not once seen a Chinese food commercial.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has bookmarked:

Maybe one day a street will be named after me. Or a school. Or a mental hospital.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has shared:

My dream DUI is driving a Saab through the Great British Bake Off tent.

Someone from 🇱🇻 has shared:

If you take a social media sabbatical, don’t announce it. Just make your last post something fun like “I wonder if there’s a bear in this cave?”

Someone from 🇲🇬 has downloaded:

Yabba dabba doo used to be a rad way to start a Saturday.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has copied:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

I’m not talking to my husband and I don’t think he even knows it.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

This whole week could have been an email.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has shared:

My ex thinks I’m with someone else, someone else thinks I’m with my ex, everyone wonders where I am. Here I am. Just enjoying my own life.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via LinkedIn:

I’d like to meet the person who decided that if you wanted to get married fast, it had to be done by Elvis.

Making waves on Pinterest:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

Dogs come when they’re called; cats take a message and get back to you later.

Trending via Snapchat:

Being informed is the worst thing I’ve ever done for my mental health.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

All positions for annoying people in my life have been filled. Applicants need not apply, thank you.

Making waves on Pinterest:

I love traveling because I love to check if I have my passport every 3-4 minutes.

Broadcasted on Threads:

The most annoying child in our house is that of my mother-in-law.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.

Going bananas on YouTube:

I would love to go back to the days when the biggest stress was finding the best hiding place when playing hide and seek.

Just shared via Messenger:

If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Related Funny Posts 🤝

You get what you pay for. Unless the delivery man leaves it on your doorstep. Then the fastest person on your street gets what you paid for.

Sorry I’m late, I was fighting for my right to party.

It’s like 10,000 Tupperwares when all you need is a lid.

I love men with a provider fetish.

There’s something meditative about cleaning. It’s the perfect time to reflect and plan revenge on every single person who has ever wronged you.

I never get as envious of parents as I do when their baby starts crying and they get to leave the event.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨