Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇮 has downloaded:

My future husband and I will be stay-at-home parents, and the kids will go to work.

Someone from 🇪🇷 has shared:

I could never journal, I’d start lying in there too.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

Words I heard most when I ran errands with my dad: “Wait in the truck.”

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

Please don’t ever speak to me about math. I’ve moved on.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

I’ve heard that some people have kids who sleep through the night and I’d like to know if they use tranquilizers or chloroform.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

I changed my alarm clock sound to an applause, it’s the least I deserve for waking up at 7am.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has shared:

No, you tell me what YOU were doing during that gap in my resume.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

The quickest way to double your money is to hold it in front of a mirror.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Dear autocorrect, that’s not what I was trying to say. I’m getting tired of your shirt.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has viewed:

Gonna eat birthday cake all day because it’s someone’s birthday out there, and we’re about to celebrate together, stranger.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Jan 11, 2026

3,418

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

I call my period Shark week. I want to eat everything, I’m snapping at people, I feel huge, people are scared of me, and there is blood everywhere.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Our pronunciation of the word “colonel” does feel like group psychosis.

Just landed via Twitch:

I deserve a dragon after all I’ve been through.

Going viral on Slack:

What happened to the huge corporate Christmas parties you see in all the ’90s movies? Seems like that doesn’t exist at all anymore.

Making waves on Slack:

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

Going bananas on Telegram:

You can count the number of times my wife has agreed with me on one hand, if you don’t have fingers.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

When I was young, I couldn’t wait to be older. Well, I wasn’t expecting this shit!

Just shared via Facebook:

According to the smoke alarm, the food is ready.

Going bananas on WeChat:

People will say “sounds good” at work when things don’t sound good at all.

Just landed via Slack:

I’ve named my couch American Idle.

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

2 months ago

My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🐶😒 "My dog sure does give a lot of side eye for someone without a job. Honestly, if side-eyeing was a paying gig, my furball would be living his best life! Maybe I should start charging him rent for all that sassy attitude." 😄 #UnemployedButUnbothered

animal, animal behavior, behavior, dog, eye, give, humor, job, lot, pet, side, side eye, someone, sure

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve broken all my New Year’s Resolutions so now I’m moving on to laws of nature.

2 months ago

broken, humor, laws, moving, moving on, nature, new, new year, Resolutions, self-improvement, year
The word “misread” can be misread as “misread.”

2 months ago

humor, language, misread, pun, reading, spelling, word, wordplay
I hate this time of year because all you guys care about is football, and no one wants to ogle my cleavage anymore.

4 months ago

care, cleavage, complaint, distraction, football, guys, hate, humor, i, jealousy, time, time of year, wants, year
My girlfriend just had a go at me for not glistening, whatever that is.

2 months ago

banter, confusion, girlfriend, humor, just, me, misunderstanding, playful, playful banter, relationship, whatever
Yeah, Instagram is bad for our mental health, but what about Outlook?

2 months ago

bad, health, humor, Instagram, media, mental, mental health, outlook, social, social media, stress, technology, work, work stress
My boyfriend moved in with me straight from Hotel Mama. In a way, I’m now a single parent.

2 months ago

adjustment, boyfriend, hotel, Hotel Mama, humor, living, living together, mama, me, moved, parent, relationship, responsibility, single, single parent, straight, together

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I like my women like I like my glasses: thick, transparent, and uneven.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m not drunk enough for this Teams meeting.

13 shares on Snapchat this month:

An escape room, but it’s just your high school reunion.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

68 shares on Twitch this month:

The meeting of the Anonymous Pessimists was canceled. It wouldn’t have helped anyway.

87 shares on WeChat this month:

I stay up late every night, regret it in the morning, and the next day I do it all over again.

70 shares on Snapchat this month:

Halloween is a big day for dogs who love to absolutely lose their shit when the doorbell rings.

38 shares on Threads this month:

I hope this email kills us both.

25 shares on Pinterest this month:

Life sucks. One day you have tiramisu, and then most other days you don’t. I hate that.

61 shares on X this month:

Just as “magic spells” use special rhymes and archaic terms to signal their power, the convoluted language of legalese acts to convey a sense of authority.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Help, I accidentally used dark humor with normal people, and now they’re concerned for my mental health.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My parents think they know me.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I want to make fun of Kanye but I’m always losing my shit on the internet too.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Sex is cool but have you ever had a king size bed all to yourself.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m a multi-tasking procrastinator. I can put off multiple things at once.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

There should be sympathy cards for having to go back to work after a vacation.

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Who is praying on my downfall right now and can you stop?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

They should make statues of regular people, like you’re walking through the park and there’s a statue of your friend Jeff.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I love sleeping so much that it is the first thing I think about when I wake up.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,488

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has shared:

Gonna end every insult with “but in a good way”.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Forget a dinner date, let’s go sit in court listening to people’s cases.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

I lied, there’s no sex. I just need you to change the batteries in my smoke detectors.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Can anyone recommend some good behaviors for someone who just started behaving?

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

They should invent weekends that are long-lasting.

Someone from 🇿🇦 has viewed:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has bookmarked:

Lord, remove any laziness from my body and push me to my full potential the rest of this year.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has downloaded:

When someone says “I don’t want a relationship right now” the “at least not with you” is silent.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

The first people who called chocolate a vegetable are the real heroes.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Snapchat:

That awkward moment when someone gets angry at you for clicking a pen, but you have to click it one more time to use it.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

My heart says, chocolate and wine, but my jeans say “Woman, are you kidding? Eat a salad!”

Live now on Snapchat:

They should make you watch a training video and pass a little test before you’re allowed to touch the office coffee maker.

Spotted on TikTok:

I think Bigfoot had it right, stay in hiding from all the shitty human beings.

Making waves on Facebook:

If you’re not in my circle of trust, you’re probably in my triangle of suspicion or rhombus of doubt.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Why would I finish my thought when I could have a new, more exciting one?

Going viral on Snapchat:

Showering at night is so sexy and clean and self-care vibes. Showering in the morning is so productivity core, cog in the machine core.

Just shared via Messenger:

Was complaining to my mom about my daughter’s attitude and she told me I should’ve named her payback.

Seen just now on TikTok:

The hottest part of sex is when I take off my glasses and put them in a safe place.

Just shared via Pinterest:

The feminine urge to be the most feared witch in the village.

© 2026. All rights reserved.

Made with ❤️ in Sydney ☀️🌴