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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡±πŸ‡§ has downloaded:

I miss the old days back in 1955, when I didn’t exist.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡² has downloaded:

A Tinder type app, but it matches you with sandwiches.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡· has viewed:

“I’ll see” = not coming, never was coming, never even considered it.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡ͺ has shared:

Hate it when I pull out a winter coat and there’s no money stashed in it.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has copied:

It’s not about the cards you’re dealt, but how you play the hand you’ve got hidden up your sleeve.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡± has shared:

These days, you gotta have a job for the bills and another job for yourself.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡© has downloaded:

Sledding is the best! (until you have to walk back up the hill)

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡Ή has viewed:

We need a holiday at the end of every summer that honours all the women who wore sundresses.

Someone from πŸ‡΅πŸ‡Ή has downloaded:

I fondly remember my days as a younger man when I didn’t care what the weather was going to do.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡Ώ has viewed:

Getting a lawn sign so people know what I think today.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,629

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Sorry, I’m late. I was pumping up the jam.

Shared recently on Discord:

They should invent a Twitter where the timeline doesn’t refresh against your will.

Just landed via Slack:

I’m still waiting for the day my parents will say, β€œIt’s all fake, we are millionaires, this was just to teach you to be humble”.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Spring is what we call the time in between complaining about the cold and complaining about the heat.

Just shared via X:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I don’t flirt, I just say weird things and hope something sticks.

Live now on Messenger:

Who called them sea lions and not soggy doggies?

Just landed via Instagram:

Being old is basically trying to figure out what part of the body the noise is coming from, and why.

Just landed via WeChat:

Running feels great until you compare it to not running.

Seen just now on X:

My body is 70% water and 30% tired of pretending I know what I’m doing.

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

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Commentary:
Ah, the classic military acronym mystery – it's like cracking a code during every conversation! πŸ•΅οΈβ€β™‚οΈπŸ€” Maybe next time we can throw in a prize for the most creative acronym guess! πŸ†πŸ˜‚

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Keep the laugh going πŸ˜‚

Trending Funny Quotes πŸ‘‡

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Social Media Stars ⭐

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Just paid my bills. The only thing left on my card is my name and expiration date.

21 shares on Discord this month:

Hate when anxiety gives me stomach problems. Like, baby, you are supposed to be a mental disorder, please stay in your line.

27 shares on Messenger this month:

Bro, you’re fine. You just need an impossible sequence of events to play out in perfect order against all odds and you’ll be fine.

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Feeling like a bug without his rug.

98 shares on Telegram this month:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just over here talking baby talk to my plants.

84 shares on Instagram this month:

If I were god, I would’ve rested all 7 days.

71 shares on Messenger this month:

The sound of a buzzing fly is enough to ruin my whole mood.

90 shares on WeChat this month:

Update on my fitness journey: My wife just handed me a bag of apples at the market and said, “careful, it’s heavy.”

24 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Do you also sometimes turn on the TV just so you have background noise or am I weird?

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

What’s said in the blanket fort, stays in the blanket fort.

Trending Topics πŸ“

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes πŸ’₯

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I hate when people ask me: “Why are you so quiet?” Because I am. That’s how I function. I don’t ask others, “Why do you talk so much?” It’s rude.

10 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

You know you don’t have to give your bathroom a beach theme, there’s no law.

23 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Trying to decide what to burn for dinner, so I can order pizza.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

21 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Christmas lights: the only thing bright around here besides my personality.

16 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

The only thing keeping me from world domination is a good nap.

5 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

My hobbies include going home, wishing I was at home, and being at home.

18 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

When pregnant women are around, watch what you say. Nowadays, anything will be used as a name.

9 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

I didn’t know that Rome wasn’t built in a day. I wasn’t on that job.

25 folks are currently checking πŸ‘€

Telling men I have a boyfriend doesn’t chase them away anymore, so I’ve started telling them I have a child.

Funny Quotes Data πŸ€“

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,602

Activity Log ✨

Someone from πŸ‡―πŸ‡² has downloaded:

Democracy is a fine thing. The bad thing is that the stupid people are allowed to take part.

Someone from πŸ‡§πŸ‡΄ has bookmarked:

Not my room, not my elephant.

Someone from πŸ‡¦πŸ‡² has shared:

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¦ has downloaded:

Watching Jaws with my kid because I’m sick of going to the beach.

Someone from πŸ‡»πŸ‡¨ has shared:

Drinking 3L of water daily helps you avoid other people’s drama because you’re too busy peeing. Stay hydrated.

Someone from πŸ‡ΉπŸ‡· has viewed:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Someone from πŸ‡²πŸ‡³ has bookmarked:

What no one tells you about having kids is that within a few years you’re in possession of a lot of teeth that you have no idea what to do with.

Someone from πŸ‡ΊπŸ‡¬ has copied:

I’d like to know what my dog is thinking as he watches me try one outfit after another while getting ready for a party.

Someone from πŸ‡³πŸ‡ͺ has copied:

Not today, Satan, but next week works.

Someone from πŸ‡ΈπŸ‡» has bookmarked:

The knife is my brush, the jam my paint and the toast my canvas.

Social Media Log πŸ’«

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Rage bait often works on me because I was already angry before I read that.

Seen just now on Telegram:

At first I’m shy, then I’m a podcast.

Seen just now on WeChat:

A couple of years ago, the internet was an escape from the real world. Today, the real world is an escape from the internet.

Spotted on Facebook:

Keep your fries close and your onion rings closer.

Freshly posted on Threads:

Hang in there, it gets worse.

Just landed via TikTok:

“What’s your blood type?” I don’t know, boiling!

Broadcasted on Telegram:

If you like water, you already like 72% of me.

Making waves on Discord:

β€œI’m not afraid to admit when I’m wrong. For example, I thought it was a good idea to leave the house today, which, as it turns out, was a terrible mistake.”

Going viral on Facebook:

Don’t forget to be mean to strangers on the internet today, for no reason whatsoever.

Trending via Twitch:

Today, I changed a light bulb and walked into a bar. My life is a joke.

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