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Ah, a true master of efficiency! 👀🧹 Who needs a broom when you have the power of the stare? 😄 Keep sweeping those rooms with style! ✨🏡 #SweepingTakingItToTheNextLevel

cleaning, domestic, domestic life, glance, housework, humor, idea, laziness, life, room, sweeping

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This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

1 month ago
dieting, fat, food, humor, ID, salad, sarcasm, taste, weight
Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

4 months ago
better, computer, humor, lived, nostalgia, old, old times, only, own, privacy, room, sometimes, specific, technology, things, times
He took my last fry, your honor.

1 month ago
court, food, fry, honor, humor, last, snack, theft
Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

3 weeks ago
fall, heaven, hell, humor, hurt, joke, line, Lucifer, me, pickup, pickup line
You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

1 month ago
anxiety, before, comfort, comfort zone, even, funny observation, home, house, introvert, know, leaving, observation, personality, personality type, social, social anxiety, type, want, zone
Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

4 months ago
always, esoteric, folks, humor, knowledge, observation, reason, social, social observation, unemployed

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Red Bull doesn’t give me wings, it gives me gas.

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The sun really clocks out for the day before I do. That’s insane.

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Celery is depressing green water wafers.

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The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your credit card from your purse.

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Making her wear those remote-controlled vibrating panties in public so I can inform her when I’m tired and want to leave the party.

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You don’t get much engagement? Have you tried being retarded.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has downloaded:

Peak delusion is believing that a paragraph will make someone treat you better.

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Facebook:

I don’t wanna be dramatic but the work week continuously restarting is literally ruining my life.

Breaking via Instagram:

Golf is a great way to learn all of the new curse words your subconscious has been cooking up in the lab.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Honestly, how women are drawn in a manga is typically (though not always) a good clue for what demographic a manga series is.

Just landed via Pinterest:

I can’t work under these festive conditions.

Trending via WhatsApp:

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive multiple times and hoping they’re braver than me.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

Dear diary, sorry for only ever talking about myself. How are you? Do you have any hobbies?

Trending via Facebook:

Thought I was a minimalist, turns out I’m just broke.

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Activity Log ✨

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

He took my last fry, your honor.

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Sometimes I’ll call in, disguise my voice, and insist on speaking to me, or I’ll take my business elsewhere.

I miss whatever age I was when I thought five dollars was a lot of money.

My biggest fear about becoming a zombie is all the walking.

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

My budget for this month is a smile, and I don’t know how long that will last.

I swear, if my memory was any worse, I could plan my own surprise party.

The term “bisexual” is so confusing. Are you sexual twice a week or once every other week?

Relationship status: the black mold in my shower thinks I’m cute.

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

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Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

I was waiting on the universe but the universe was actually waiting on me.

Britney Spears working at an ice-cream shop called ‘Scoops, I did it again.’

Yes, I do talk to myself, everyone else just wants to argue with me.

Spending all my money on lottery tickets so I’ll either be rich or poor, none of this wishy-washy stuff in the middle.

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

There’s something so spiritual about new life. When I look my baby nephew in the eyes, I can’t stop thinking about how amazing it will be to connect with him on LinkedIn.

I’m going to be a printer today and just not work.

Thank you, God, for another day. Let’s get this 12-hour screen time.

I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

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My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

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This salad tastes like I’d rather be fat.

Things were better when the computer lived in its own specific room, and you only went in there sometimes.

He took my last fry, your honor.

Me in hell: “So did it hurt when you fell from heaven.” Lucifer: “Get out!”

You know you’re an introvert when you want to go home before even leaving the house.

Unemployed folks always have esoteric knowledge, for some reason.

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