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Commentary:
"Who said you can't be productive in just 7 minutes? 🚀💼 Must be aiming for that world record for quickest workday ever! 😂⏰ #EfficiencyGoals"

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Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

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2 months ago

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I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

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2 months ago

electricity, embarrassment, everyone, hate, humor, i, live, live wire, shock, skeleton, wire
One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

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2 months ago

activity, aging, bar, bars, before, fun, fun activity, humor, i, interesting, joke, learned, leave, life, nightlife, social, social life, thing, thirty
The feminine urge to start a coven.

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3 months ago

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Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

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2 months ago

aging, biological, biological clock, biology, clock, egg, egg timer, humor, joke, metaphor, timer
My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

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5 months ago

dead, humor, joke, life, own, relationship, sex, sex life, tombstone

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

100 shares on Twitch this month:

Chores give kids a sense of responsibility while teaching relevant life skills such as procrastination.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Stephen King’s It is the bone chilling story about adults who are forced to spend time with their childhood friends.

27 shares on Pinterest this month:

Babe, would it kill you to meow back?

12 shares on Reddit this month:

Animals are so crazy because, why is your mom only one year older than you?

26 shares on YouTube this month:

Zombies started running in movies and life has been chaotic since.

20 shares on Pinterest this month:

I think my dog always follows me to the bathroom because I always follow him outside and he thinks that’s the way it works.

77 shares on WhatsApp this month:

So crazy to just be living every day through the slow-motion car crash of escalating fascism, and it’s still like, “Aww, man, I have to go to the dentist.”

99 shares on Threads this month:

I make sure to post my political opinions after my selfies have gone viral to cull the herd.

64 shares on Twitch this month:

It’s a shame that you can’t hold people up to the light like banknotes to see whether they are fake or real.

55 shares on YouTube this month:

Some people are so fake, their lock screens don’t recognize them.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has shared:

I’m a Leo so I just eat the other astrological signs.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has bookmarked:

Only thing sexier than a bad decisions is a bad decision with queso.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

My wife is pretty excited about going away this weekend so I’m not sure she knows I’m coming with her.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has bookmarked:

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has copied:

Did you know that if you listen to any Black Sabbath album backwards, you can hear them singing backwards?

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

My bed is from Ikea, so it’s more unstable than i am.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Straight man stuns they/them by ordering in fluent woke.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

Sugar held my hand through every breakup.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has downloaded:

Sometimes somebody will share something from way back in my timeline, and I’ll think, “Oh God, what all did they see to get there?”

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Reddit:

The only thing I gained this year is weight.

Live now on YouTube:

If you innocently act like you don’t know, people will explain dirty words to you and it’s hilarious.

Live now on Snapchat:

You are depressed because your ancestors fought, danced, and ate meals together, and you eat alone in the dark while staring at a glowing rectangle.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I wanna be a jellyfish— no heart, no brain, no feelings, no pain— just blub blub blub.

Trending via Pinterest:

Another beautiful day, ruined by responsibility.

Shared recently on YouTube:

What was the name of the boat in Titanic?

Spotted on TikTok:

I hate when people are like “you are so nice”. I’m ugly, I have no other choice.

Shared recently on Twitch:

I woke up deciding to incorporate the parkour lifestyle into my daily life then reconsidered as I fell over again putting my jeans on.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

If you see me out in public but we haven’t talked since high school, let’s keep it that way.

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Dogs can’t talk and everyone loves them. Coincidence? I think not.

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Activity Log ✨

My ideal workday would be from 9:00 AM to 9:07 AM

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Be the elephant you wish to see in the room.

I hate when I grab a live wire and everyone sees my damn skeleton.

One interesting thing I learned in my thirties is that you can leave a bar before it closes.

The feminine urge to start a coven.

Who called it a biological clock and not an egg timer?

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨