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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇧 has bookmarked:

Nobody watches you harder than people who don’t like you, so give them a show they will never forget.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

Dinosaurs never had coffee, and we see how that turned out.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

You come from dust and you will return to dust. That’s why I don’t dust. It could be someone I know.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has shared:

I need a reasonable job. Something like $3,000 an hour. Nothing too wild.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

If you get cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and still participate in family game nights.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

It was so hot today, I thought I was going to be cremated.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Why did they call it painting your toenails and not graffeeti?

Someone from 🇲🇽 has downloaded:

I’m the person who requested weather reporters stand in the storms. I have no concept of wind or rain and love seeing needless suffering.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

The biggest joke on mankind is that computers have started asking humans to prove that they are not robots.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has shared:

In honor of the winter solstice, I also will be cold, distant and filled with darkness.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,572

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Buying a new phone isn’t even satisfying anymore. It’s literally just your old phone with a haircut.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I feel like the person who named pink eye also named orange juice.

Just landed via Messenger:

My first mistake was leaving the womb.

Going viral on Messenger:

When they dress up really nice, but all you can think about is the thrill of taking it off.

Spotted on X:

As it turns out, the only way to avoid work stress is not going.

Breaking via Slack:

Deleted all dating apps, instead I’m just going to walk into a grocery store and look confused.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Spotted on Threads:

School reunion is a scam… nobody is missing anyone, they just want to know whether you have made it in life or not.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Why do men have birthdays? It’s not like they’re growing up.

Trending via Twitch:

Is my life this bad because I didn’t forward that email to 15 people back in 2007?

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"My imaginary child is always entertaining me with deep philosophical questions 🤔👶 #HallucinationOrImagination"

ask, ever, experience, hallucination, humor, i, joke, kid, kids, me, odd, odd question, parenting, question, thing

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Text her when the moon looks pretty.

0

2 months ago

advice, communication, humor, looks, moon, night, pretty, romantic, text, texting
The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

0

2 months ago

agony, around, chore, cleaning, dish, dishes, doing, domestic, finished, frustration, horror, household, humor, kitchen, only, pot, relatable, surprise, thinking, turn
It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

0

2 months ago

church, clicking, devil, humor, ignored, irony, procrastination, relaxation, sitting, sleep, Sunday
I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

0

18 hours ago

change, city, city life, good, humor, i, life, life change, me, miserable, misery, move, need, new, New York, sarcasm, think, york
When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

0

2 months ago

cheese, civilization, food, hope, humor, i, know, left, people, rebuild, society, still, survival
Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

0

2 months ago

account, actually, bank, bank account, financial, financial frustration, frustration, humor, i, money, okay, rude, sarcasm, spend, spending

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

99 shares on Telegram this month:

Thank you, Facebook memories, for constantly reminding me of the shitty taste in men I had for the majority of my life.

38 shares on Twitch this month:

Coffee ain’t gonna cut it today, I need to be chased through the woods by a machete-wielding maniac.

18 shares on X this month:

If you ever think you can solve a parenting problem by doing the opposite of what didn’t work last time, the universe will just be like “Lol, nice try, dummy!”

35 shares on YouTube this month:

Can somebody explain to me why it’s bad if immigrants take our jobs, but it’s good if AI does?

19 shares on LinkedIn this month:

“Winter is literally the best season.” Okay, husky, go sit outside then.

63 shares on Messenger this month:

“This is a great weekend to clean out the garage,” according to my wife and other people who won’t be cleaning the garage.

77 shares on X this month:

I hate when I accidentally blow all of my leaves into my neighbor’s yard.

83 shares on YouTube this month:

Santa keeps a pair of mounted antlers over his fireplace to keep the reindeer from unionizing.

25 shares on TikTok this month:

Look, ice cream has eggs in it, therefore it is a breakfast food.

12 shares on Pinterest this month:

I don’t mind being the villain in your story because you’re a clown in mine.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

I heard God is testing both of us at the same time. Wanna hang out?

Someone from 🇨🇬 has downloaded:

I forgot to get milk, so Santa has a cup of Pepsi Max.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has shared:

I sent you a message telepathically and you didn’t respond. Are you mad at me?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

There I was, quietly reliving my dream of having my own house, when suddenly I was attacked by insane prices.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has downloaded:

I bet when you invited me to Thanksgiving dinner you didn’t think I’d stay this long.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has copied:

Apparently, the job interviewer doesn’t like it when your biggest weakness is beautiful Latinas.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has viewed:

Nothing in a household is said more lovingly than, “Can you bring me some toilet paper?”

Someone from 🇱🇺 has bookmarked:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has bookmarked:

I’ve discovered I have a logic fetish, I just can’t stop coming to conclusions.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

Ah, the magical land of Monday—the gift that keeps not giving!

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Just remembered why I went upstairs yesterday.

Making waves on Twitch:

I think the bowl of ice cream I ate earlier gave me a stomach ache, so I ate a another bowl to make sure.

Live now on Instagram:

Don’t forget to brush your teeth, comb your hair, cleanse your face, and share my posts.

Just landed via Threads:

Have you fallen in love with me yet, or do I need to post more nonsense?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

Seen just now on Instagram:

It got weird when I thought both arm rests at the movie theatre were mine.

Spotted on Facebook:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Just shared via Slack:

I have a condition where if I don’t walk as fast as humanly possible wherever I go, I will die. I’m like the bus in Speed.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The local casino is hosting a speed dating event. Just what every woman needs, a new boyfriend with a gambling problem.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My kid asked me if I’ve ever experienced hallucinations, which is an odd thing to ask considering I don’t have any kids.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

Text her when the moon looks pretty.

The agony of thinking you’re finished doing the dishes, only to turn around and, to your horror, the pot.

It’s Sunday. I’ve slept in and ignored church. Somewhere the devil is sitting and clicking on “Like”.

I need to move to New York and be miserable. I think it’d be so good for me.

When society eventually breaks down and we are left to rebuild civilization, I hope there are people who still know how to make cheese.

Kinda rude when I spend money, and it actually leaves my bank account. But okay.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨