My my husband’s favorite thing is when I blame him for losing something that’s actually in my hand.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has viewed:

My wife has a weird habit of starting conversations by saying, “Are you even listening to me?”

Someone from 🇸🇻 has viewed:

If idiots could fly, TikTok would be an airport.

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One thing no one mentions about being an adult is how much time you debate with yourself over keeping a cardboard box because it’s a really good box.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has downloaded:

Don’t be coming into my house and causing big spikes of cortisol.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

As a proud husband and father in my 40s, my New Year’s resolution is to sneeze even louder this year.

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Who you are when someone reaches over to take food from your plate… is the real you.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has bookmarked:

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has viewed:

Men invented pool tables so they could watch each other bend over.