Trendy Funny Quotes

  • My employer is totally caring. They pay so poorly that I can’t afford to have an alcohol or drug problem.
  • My brain says “Let’s do something exciting today” but my body says “Don’t listen to that fool.”
  • What a bleak life it must be if you’ve never had a drink shoot through your nose when you laugh.
  • A wise man once said: “Yes, darling. You’re right.”
  • I miss getting my misinformation from less places.
  • Hi, I’m making some changes in my life. If you don’t hear from me, you are one of them.