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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇪 has downloaded:

A marriage is about solving problems together, you know, those problems you wouldn’t have if you were single.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has downloaded:

When my nudes go to the cloud, I always hope God is impressed.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

If you need time alone, just announce that you need help cleaning the cats litter box.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has shared:

Dear algorithm, only show this post to the most attractive and successful people.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

If you don’t want to be in love with me that’s fine. You’re entitled to your wrong and very stupid opinions.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has shared:

“I’m a very sleepy person, just at all the wrong times.”

Someone from 🇮🇷 has downloaded:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Adulthood is realising no one cares about you, and the show must go on.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

It’s nice to have a moment to breathe before reality knocks the wind out of you again.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,413

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

When my wife packs for a trip she basically moves out.

Seen just now on YouTube:

People really be like, “I would never do that to you,” and then do it with a remix.

Trending via Threads:

I have an emotional support chicken roasting in the oven.

Going viral on Instagram:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Seen just now on YouTube:

Can’t believe I didn’t get invited to that party I would have made up an excuse not to go to.

Going bananas on Instagram:

As you get older, nothing loses its sting more than an authority figure saying they are disappointed in you. Like, I don’t know what to tell you, dude, we can’t both live in the prison of your expectations.

Making waves on Facebook:

In the American Bible, Eve was made from part of a McRib.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I hate when the iPhone corrects ‘Omw’ to ‘On my way!’. Man, I am not that excited.

Seen just now on Threads:

If I block you and you email me, you’re getting another chance.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

No revenge, but I hope you stutter every time you try to dirty talk with someone.

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

1 week ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about ignoring calls to avoid life's chaos, playful and humorous in tone.

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Commentary:
"😂 My phone took a look at my sanity and decided it needed a break too! 📴🙃"

am, disturb, disturbed, do not disturb, enough, humor, humor quote, i, phone, self-deprecating, technology

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Social Media Stars ⭐

89 shares on Slack this month:

Reverse cowgirl so I can post selfies.

58 shares on Messenger this month:

Y’all ever withheld good news so that it remains untouched by negativity?

41 shares on Slack this month:

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. Then it’s a soap opera.

94 shares on Twitch this month:

99% of celebrating your birthday as an adult just consists of texting back “thanks so much”.

100 shares on Instagram this month:

I’ve never met a garlic bread I didn’t get on with.

47 shares on X this month:

God, never seen San Francisco this bad. Spiderwebs completely covering entire business, skeletons just strewn about sidewalks in every neighborhood. Things have got to change!

61 shares on YouTube this month:

At my funeral, take the bouquet off my casket and throw it in the crowd to see who next.

54 shares on WeChat this month:

It should be socially acceptable to just face the wall at a party when you need a break from talking.

39 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Yes, my sex drive is higher than my will to live, and what about it?

52 shares on Twitch this month:

Doing nothing is hard. You never know when you are done.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇩 has shared:

Movies in the 80s had me convinced that a main part of being a grown-up was staying late at the office and eating Chinese takeout.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has bookmarked:

Break-up so bad, he blocked me on Pokémon Go.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has shared:

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

Someone from 🇸🇮 has downloaded:

“I’m doing better than my parents at my age. They had, like, no followers.”

Someone from 🇷🇴 has shared:

Airports are so funny. Like, “Oh, you’re flying across the country? Would you like to hang out in a mall first?”

Someone from 🇲🇰 has shared:

Man, it sucks having no kids. All I do is whatever I want, all the time.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

I love saying “exactly” to stuff that doesn’t make sense.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has copied:

Being an adult is mumbling ‘this is stupid’ as you reluctantly slide out of bed.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has bookmarked:

When you thought something would be easy peasy lemon squeezy, but it’s actually been stressy, depressy, lemon zesty.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Humans were not meant to have this many passwords.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Threads:

I tried a onesome before, but I started catching feelings.

Seen just now on Messenger:

And to my children I leave my collection of tote bags and gift bags.

Broadcasted on X:

Police officer: please step out of your vehicle. Me: after this song, hold on.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

Sorry for my bad behavior. Mercury is in gatorade or whatever.

Shared recently on TikTok:

Being too stressed isn’t good for the baby. I’m not pregnant though, it’s just that I’m the baby.

Going viral on Threads:

All my small talk is done with a car horn.

Shared recently on Facebook:

I don’t understand people who forget to eat. I’m already planning lunch while chewing breakfast.

Spotted on WeChat:

I made all my money in the 80s selling Rubik’s Hammers. They were for those cubes that thought they were smarter than you.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Called in, “Let’s make this simple. What excuse haven’t I used yet?”

Just landed via WhatsApp:

Sorry I’m unavailable… the horrors of reality insist upon themselves.

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Activity Log ✨

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Dear ghosts, if you can move stuff around and flicker lights, then you can use a mop.

I’m a freak in the spreadsheets.

If we’re not meant to have midnight snacks, why is there a light in the fridge.

Follow me on Instagram if you want to see me post absolutely nothing for weeks.

Can anyone recommend some basic intrusive thoughts for someone looking to get into anxiety?

I hate people that talk to their Apple watch. Fake Power Rangers.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨