Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

The struggle to get off the couch and into bed is real.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

Walking into someone’s house with healthy, thriving houseplants everywhere: “Oh, I see you dabble in witchcraft!”

Someone from 🇫🇯 has downloaded:

I be outside telling people I don’t got social media when they ask.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has viewed:

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has copied:

People are too casual about the fact that parrots can talk.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has shared:

Never underestimate my ability to fall asleep in a moving vehicle.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Establish dominance at work by telling your coworkers they look tired before they get a chance to say it to you.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has viewed:

Me: God, please stop giving me your toughest battles. God: You just have to empty the dishwasher.

Someone from 🇹🇬 has viewed:

I wonder if my recorded call has ever been used for training or quality purposes.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

“Dress for the job you want, not for the job you have” is all well and good until you’re rocking a tutu.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

4,031

Social Media Log 💫

Going bananas on Slack:

Sleeping is nice, because you’re not actually dead and you’re not awake, so its a win-win situation.

Just shared via X:

I hope this email keeps you awake at night.

Going bananas on Telegram:

I’m not going to die because of an accident. Nor because of an illness. But from small talk. Someone will say one boring sentence too many and I’ll drop dead.

Just landed via Facebook:

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

Making waves on Instagram:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Broadcasted on YouTube:

5pm on a Friday: call me a McDonald’s ice-cream machine because I’m not working.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Twitter is great because you can tweet “hi” and someone will tell you you’re wrong.

Trending via Messenger:

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

If you ever feel like something’s missing in your life, it’s probably me.

Shared recently on WeChat:

After hearing that I have too many books and too many bookshelves, I’ve decided to cut back on the amount of people I listen to.

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"😂 My phone took a look at my sanity and decided it needed a break too! 📴🙃"

am, disturb, disturbed, do not disturb, enough, humor, humor quote, i, phone, self-deprecating, technology

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

0

2 months ago

communication, getting, getting left on read, humor, left, me, media, Nigerian, Nigerian prince, perspective, prince, read, relationships, social, social media, texting
After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

0

2 months ago

after, coming, everyone, friend, friends, funeral, humor, i, phone, take, text, thanks, want
Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

0

2 months ago

asleep, dark, humor, know, moment, morning, need, sleep, state, sweater, tired
The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

0

2 months ago

anything, apathy, attitude, carefree, concern, confidence, days, humor, lion, much, relaxation
Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

0

2 months ago

family, funny situation, good, good people, humor, i, internet, last, night, people, situation, spent, time, time spent, working
Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

0

2 months ago

adventure, bison, experiences, fullest, humor, life, living, selfy

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

63 shares on Twitch this month:

What doesn’t kill you gives you a twisted, dark sense of humor.

96 shares on Telegram this month:

A real smart TV would increase the volume when you started eating chips.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

They should name a personality disorder after me.

89 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I rode around the block on my bike for the first time in years and now I understand why Lance Armstrong took performance enhancing drugs.

21 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Did you get the telepathic message I sent earlier?

41 shares on Threads this month:

Big city friend is complaining about a 10 minute wait for a subway while I sit here waiting for the rail replacement horse.

43 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Marriage is like a phone call at the night: First there’s the ring, and then you wake up.

59 shares on YouTube this month:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

34 shares on X this month:

Turns out I’m not an afternoon person either.

48 shares on Reddit this month:

Neighbors are fighting. Can I knock on the wall and ask them to speak up so I know whose side I’m on?

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

French fries are like the lifeboats on the Titanic. They never give you enough.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

My sex life is so dead, it has its own tombstone.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has viewed:

I’ve reached a point in my life where if I can’t find parking, I’m just going to go home.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has downloaded:

Being lazy has its advantages. I still have most of my winter fat from last year.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has viewed:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Someone from 🇬🇹 has viewed:

Hate when people ask “why is it called Silence of the Lambs?” Like, did you hear any lambs during the movie? Use your head!

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

I don’t know why doctors only give stickers to kids? Like, hello, I was also brave today.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has viewed:

Might mess around and reply to all work emails with “make me”.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has bookmarked:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has viewed:

Some days you are the table and some days you are the toe.

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Accidentally became important at work and it’s ruining my life.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Being the forward-thinking person I am, I kept my winter fat through the summer.

Making waves on Instagram:

Dracula had it right, sleep all day, live alone in a castle and explode into a thousand bats to get out of social situations.

Just landed via Twitch:

Pepsi & Coca-Cola can’t even be in the same restaurant… and we want world peace.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Everyone is getting pregnant or married, and I’m back to “What’s your favorite color?“

Making waves on Reddit:

Whoever said “team work makes the dream work” needs to explain that to my many personalities.

Trending via Instagram:

Withholding sex from you people isn’t working.

Just shared via Reddit:

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

Going viral on Instagram:

Another customer getting a haircut started talking to my barber. Please don’t talk to my barber. You have your own.

Spotted on WeChat:

I bought a robot vacuum today. Named it “Dustbin Bieber”.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

My phone is on Do Not Disturb because I am disturbed enough as it is.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Getting left on read really gives me perspective on what Nigerian princes go through.

After my funeral, I want one of my friends to take my phone and text everyone, “Thanks for coming.”

Almost fell asleep while putting on the sweater because it got dark for a moment. That’s all you need to know about my morning state.

The lion doesn’t concern himself with much of anything these days.

Last night the Internet stopped working so I spent a few hours with my family. They seem like good people.

Living your life to the fullest does not have to involve selfies with bison.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨