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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇾 has viewed:

Nowadays you don’t even have to go to the zoo. A trip to the mall is enough.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has viewed:

If you think one of my posts is about you, it isn’t. Except this one.

Someone from 🇲🇩 has shared:

It should be illegal to take a nap and still have a headache when you wake up. Like, I shut it off and back on again, why are you still here?

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

Sorry, can’t. I’m too busy growing new neural pathways to make space for a stranger’s opinion. Evolution takes bandwidth, man.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has copied:

I don’t normally like to brag about expensive trips but I just got back from the grocery store.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has shared:

Doctors diagnosed me as your future wife.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I don’t get it when people say they are only a “little” angry, I am either not mad or will kill you.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Sometimes you choose the GIF-war over your responsibilities.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I don’t care about life on other planets. I don’t even have a life on this one.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has bookmarked:

Rule #1 for family reunions: Always bring your own car so you can take off whenever you want.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

33 seconds ago

3,431

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Microsoft Teams needs to add a “spank” reaction for when I want to reprimand my employees during a video call.

Making waves on Messenger:

I’m not lazy, I’m waiting for inspiration to hit me… should be here any time now.

Freshly posted on Threads:

The problem with self-checkout is that all the cashiers are idiots.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

If your cat has ever accidentally fallen into the tub while you were taking bath, you’ve known chaos.

Live now on Snapchat:

Feeling melancholy. Think I’ll have a drink and make things much worse.

Making waves on WeChat:

I drink my coffee black because I like to save my calories for alcohol.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

When I’m president, everyone who listens to techno, house or rap will be allowed to drive a little faster than others.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

I avoid clarified butter because I prefer my dairy products to be troubled and confused.

Freshly posted on Discord:

Flossed the day before a dentist appointment like I was cramming for a history test.

Trending via WeChat:

I hate everyone in front of me at this checkout line, everyone behind me is cool.

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

6 months ago

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like this new COVID variant is not only spreading quickly but also has a side hustle as a telemarketer! 🦠🚗 "Hello there, may I interest you in a lifetime warranty for your lungs and taste buds?" 😂 #COVIDVariantSalesPitch

auto, Covid, humor, insurance, joke, new, pandemic, satire, sell, variant, warranty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

790 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,952

Funny Quotes Topics

13,923

Funny Quotes Images

10,952

33 seconds ago

3,428

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇪🇸 has bookmarked:

Ribbed condoms don’t even taste like ribs.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

Getting old is not fun. Sometimes I have to check my texts and photos when someone asks me what I did yesterday.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has bookmarked:

I accidentally messed up my life. How do I start a new account?

Someone from 🇦🇬 has copied:

Blaming the full moon for whatever unhinged decision I make tonight.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

They should invent someone who holds me.

Someone from 🇹🇹 has viewed:

Most of Twitter could probably use a good bop on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has downloaded:

Maybe in another life, I’m a spoiled nepo baby — jobless and doing nothing but shopping all day with my equally nepotised friends.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

I wonder what John Connor thinks now that everyone is embracing AI.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

My wallet is like an onion; opening it makes me cry.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has copied:

You don’t realize how incorrect and annoying YouTube video essays are until they’re about something you like.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

Lou Read is the name of my favorite musician and also the book I keep in the toilet.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Can’t, holding a grudge.

Making waves on Reddit:

I see you liked my selfie, but what about my ideas?

Making waves on Threads:

I wanna be 14 again and ruin my life differently. I have some new ideas.

Freshly posted on Reddit:

People who don’t have a dishwasher, where do they bang their shins?

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Those astronauts that just landed? They should be greeted by chimpanzees on horses.

Going viral on Reddit:

A treadmill minute is four times as long as a sleep minute.

Trending via LinkedIn:

With all the fake information out there, I refuse to believe scales or mirrors.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My ego is bruised so I’m going to ice it with some cold beer.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Deleting tweets like a writer who burns his manuscripts.

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