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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has viewed:

Nighty night! Don’t let the horror of existence bite.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

What happened to the art of just liking one person?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has viewed:

Nearly choked on a carrot. A donut would never do that to me.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

Why can’t you just be happy for me and then go home and talk behind my back later like a normal person?

Someone from 🇷🇴 has downloaded:

If you don’t realize that you’re a werewolf, then you’re actually an unawarewolf.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Sure, sex is great, but have you ever closed a dozen tabs after finishing an academic paper?

Someone from 🇫🇲 has bookmarked:

Now I understand why old people sit outside just to sit outside.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has shared:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has downloaded:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has shared:

I don’t need a psychic to tell me which planets make me sad. It’s earth.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,301

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Slack:

It’s been so long since I had sex last, went jogging in flip flops just to remember the sound.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

Sorry I’m late. It’s just because of who I am as a person.

Just landed via Instagram:

This email could’ve been sex.

Spotted on Facebook:

Dating is just wondering why someone is single and then slowly figuring it out.

Going bananas on Discord:

New year update: losing everything but weight.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Anytime I switch deodorants, it’s like a sexy stranger is following me around all day.

Making waves on WeChat:

At the strip club sighing until one of the dancers asks me what’s wrong.

Spotted on Telegram:

This is a horrible time in history to be a decent human being.

Just shared via WeChat:

When you want to feel at your thinnest, walk through Walmart at any time of day.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Do you ever think back about all the crazy stuff you did when you were younger, and wonder how you’re still alive?

New COVID variant tries to sell you an extended auto warranty.

2 weeks ago

Witty text about a new COVID variant humorously comparing it to a shady auto warranty pitch.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Looks like this new COVID variant is not only spreading quickly but also has a side hustle as a telemarketer! 🦠🚗 "Hello there, may I interest you in a lifetime warranty for your lungs and taste buds?" 😂 #COVIDVariantSalesPitch

auto, Covid, humor, insurance, joke, new, pandemic, satire, sell, variant, warranty

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

45 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Some people call me crazy. I prefer the term happy with a twist.

42 shares on TikTok this month:

Once again I feel like I slept in a washing machine.

61 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Manifesting you in my bed.

35 shares on Pinterest this month:

Moms will vacuum the ceiling, alphabetize the spice rack, reorganize your socks, then say, “No one helps me around here!”

51 shares on WeChat this month:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

11 shares on Pinterest this month:

Adding “but that’s just me” after giving the absolute worst advice to a coworker.

64 shares on Reddit this month:

The night is dark and full of terrors. My day is long and full of meetings. Same thing.

82 shares on Threads this month:

If your family starts fighting on Thanksgiving, go live.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

I would like to opt out of WW3, por favor.

35 shares on Messenger this month:

Everyone’s worried about a recession, but babes, we’re heading for a dark age.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

15 folks are currently checking 👀

have one of those big paintings with the eyeholes cut out, but I don’t have anyone to spy on, so I just watch TV through it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Aside from cocaine, has anyone figured out what that little pocket on your jeans is for?

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Blocking isn’t enough, I hope your pillow never has a cold side.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I think my soulmate might be carbs.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

What makes us human is selecting all images with traffic lights.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

The most important meal of the day is the next one.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

I have to work because the baby is expensive. (I’m the baby.)

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I drive regularly so that my brain doesn’t forget swear words.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

My ideal man is a kindhearted little freak.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,684

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

If being hard on yourself worked, it would have worked by now!

Someone from 🇹🇿 has copied:

Witnessing karma is awesome . . . witnessing instant karma is more awesome.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has bookmarked:

People pass a joint around like it’s no big deal, but the minute I ask someone to do that with their Subway sandwich, I’m a weirdo.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Cute how I complain that my kids are spoiled when I’m the one who spoils them.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has shared:

I bought a watermelon and all I can think about is filling it with vodka.

Someone from 🇩🇯 has downloaded:

Girls won’t admit it, but they don’t like super fine dudes; they like medium ugly, funny dudes that dress nice.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has downloaded:

I feel like everyone who has ever had a hamster has some kind of traumatic experience with it.

Someone from 🇧🇧 has copied:

Stop checking up on your friends, and check up on me.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has viewed:

Someone told me I wasn’t thinking clearly, as if that’s even an option.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

I can’t blame this generation too much for doing stupid stuff. My generation thought seven Police Academy movies were a good idea.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

Everyone becomes a robo-dancer when the motion sensor faucet isn’t working.

Going bananas on Threads:

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

Seen just now on Telegram:

My mom recently asked me how to take a screenshot. At first, I laughed, but then I remembered she taught me how to tie my shoes.

Shared recently on Threads:

My parents still haven’t apologized for making me ugly.

Broadcasted on Slack:

My body can’t handle the stress of loving anyone romantically, ever.

Making waves on Messenger:

My only plan for this weekend is to move just enough so the people don’t think I’m dead.

Trending via X:

I don’t think I’d get married again, but I would like to annoy someone until one of us is dead.

Breaking via Slack:

I just sneezed my wife awake from a nap so any discussion about renewing vows is on hold for a bit.

Just shared via TikTok:

I miss them days if you couldn’t rap, you didn’t.

Shared recently on Reddit:

Unpopular Opinion: Die Hard is a Harry Potter movie. He sneaks around a tower at night avoiding Alan Rickman.

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