Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has viewed:

It’s cute when kids say what they want to be when they grow up. You’re gonna write emails on the computer, buddy.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has downloaded:

An escape room, but it’s just your high school reunion.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

Don’t forget to make everything about you today.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has viewed:

Remember when you were a kid, you slept on the couch and without saying anything you found yourself in your bed. Now you sleep in your bed and if you say anything, you end up on the couch.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

We can do things one of two ways. My way or my other way.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has bookmarked:

Terrible economy to ask a girl what’s wrong.

Someone from 🇱🇧 has viewed:

The Pope is the only employee who never gets to see his boss. Not even at the Christmas party.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has bookmarked:

I bought a “How to Be Spontaneous” course… it starts in six months.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

Breaking news: Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has copied:

This is actually worse than Biff Tennan’s future.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,404

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

Money saved by using public transport instead of an Uber is paid for with your time and mental health instead.

Just landed via X:

As highly as it’s esteemed, the Mayo Clinic still sounds like the place sick sandwiches go to get better.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

As a child, I had the impression that I would be offered free drugs by strangers much more frequently than the 0 times it’s happened.

Shared recently on Slack:

Don’t even bother contacting me on the Ouija Board after I die. I barely answer my texts now.

Trending via TikTok:

Please don’t interrupt me when I’m trying to overhear something.

Trending via YouTube:

Good morning to everyone except my baby, who already said good morning to me at 1 a.m., 3 a.m., and 5:46 a.m.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Men make money to be with a woman, but women make money to not have to be with a man. Clock it!

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Spreading quickly via LinkedIn:

Alexa, play everyone that played me.

Just shared via Pinterest:

After 30, an all-nighter is not getting up to pee.

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Sounds like they're living in a glass house and throwing shade! 🌪️🤐🕵️‍♂️

better, confrontation, fear, going, honesty, name, people, person, reputation, tell, terrified, trashing, truth

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

0

2 months ago

cancellation, dopamine, fun, getting, hit, humor, irony, meeting, office, outlook, relief, work
Sailors wish they could swear like me.

0

2 months ago

humor, language, me, profanity, sailor, swear, wish, wit
Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

0

2 months ago

bullshit, frustration, getting, honesty, humor, own, real, reality, self, tired
Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

0

2 months ago

accusation, actually, anger, being, frustration, guilt, humor, irony, male, man, nobody, sarcasm, something
Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

0

2 months ago

actually, easier, grow, honesty, humor, lie, life, longer, much, nose, people, Pinocchio, time, truth
You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

0

2 months ago

competition, friendship, fun, humor, me, snack, snacking, togetherness

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

65 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Tweeting shouldn’t cost money but it should flip you on your back like a bug for 15 minutes.

69 shares on TikTok this month:

Refusing to make eye contact with anyone while I eat my banana.

74 shares on Telegram this month:

You can mess up big time letting someone know you have a printer.

28 shares on TikTok this month:

I was dropped as an adult.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

65 shares on Telegram this month:

How does one stop eating ice cream when there’s still some in the container?

50 shares on Snapchat this month:

You give a man your heart and he’s gonna put it under another girl’s picture.

29 shares on Messenger this month:

Babe, is everything OK? You’ve barely accomplished anything at all in your entire life.

91 shares on WeChat this month:

I love ketchup from my head to-ma-toes.

84 shares on WeChat this month:

My kidnappers sent me back early with a full apology, some money, and several of their fingers.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has copied:

For the first time in history, you can simply post “He’s an idiot” and 90% of the world will know whom you’re talking about.

Someone from 🇸🇳 has copied:

On the surface: cool as a cucumber. On the inside: squirrel in traffic.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has shared:

Does the HDMI cord have the most dominant run of any cord ever?

Someone from 🇲🇱 has shared:

My car is making strange noises but it’s just me singing.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

Ratatouille is hilarious because the villain wasn’t even evil; he just didn’t want food cooked by rats?!?

Someone from 🇸🇮 has shared:

I wish I loved anything as much as people love to say they are “thrilled” on LinkedIn.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has copied:

If a door closes, you can just open it again. That is a door. Doors work like this.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

Yeah, sex is cool, but have you ever crawled out of the worst depression of your life and got your spark back?

Someone from 🇮🇳 has shared:

I would like to see the USA go metric before I die, just so I can enjoy the outrage that would follow.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

I love hard, but I stupid harder.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on X:

In high school I was voted “most likely to hold a grudge” and I’m still mad about it.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’m looking forward to tomorrow. It’ll be much like today, but different enough to confuse me.

Making waves on Threads:

If anyone wants a more cost effective energy provider, I can supply endless energy on tap from my absolutely not tired child at bedtime.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Twitter is like group therapy but everyone’s yelling and no one’s licensed.

Just shared via Instagram:

A massage is not enough, I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Seen just now on Instagram:

Voice messages. Just call, goddamnit!

Shared recently on Snapchat:

Congratulations to the sweater, another year of being the most disgustingly named piece of clothing.

Just landed via Messenger:

I’m a huge fan of saying “You’re welcome” really loudly when people don’t say thank you.

Seen just now on Discord:

When my friends are religious, I pretend not to notice.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

Feeling feral. Better make some mac and cheese.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The dopamine hit of getting an Outlook meeting cancellation is unrivaled.

Sailors wish they could swear like me.

Getting real tired of my own bullshit.

Nobody gets angrier than a man being accused of something he actually did.

Life would be so much easier if the nose of people who lie all the time did actually grow longer like Pinocchio’s.

You’re either snacking with me or snacking against me.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨