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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇼🇸 has viewed:

There are beautiful horny women (me) being forced into celibacy due to the utter lack of worthy men in existence. This is the world we are living in now.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has downloaded:

You can’t ’48 Laws of Power’ me.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Changing my passwords regularly has certainly helped protect my accounts. Against me.

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

In the 90s, you could tell who won the rap battle by who was still alive.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has shared:

I got a lot of Jedi advice for somebody who could be turned to the dark side by moderate traffic.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has bookmarked:

They should invent a “stay signed in” checkbox that isn’t meaningless.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has bookmarked:

My sneeze is the reason people in the middle ages believed sneezing was caused by demon possession.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has bookmarked:

I think more people would actually heal from their trauma if they got revenge.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

Sex is cool, but have you ever received reassurance without asking for it?

Someone from 🇱🇷 has shared:

The modern condition is mostly trying to do things on your own that people have historically achieved with a large support network, and wondering why you’re tired all the time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,407

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Shazam but for random noises outside.

Trending via LinkedIn:

Everyone thinks they will be the first person in history to maintain their dignity while posting online.

Spotted on Threads:

I’m a people pleaser, unless you don’t like that. Then I’m not.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Beer is Narcan for when you overdose on Microsoft Teams.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

It’s a good thing Titanic is only a movie. A lot of people would’ve died.

Spotted on Slack:

My cat smells like cigarettes again and I’m sick of his excuses.

Shared recently on X:

Why waste words or gestures when a raised eyebrow is enough to make a statement?

Spotted on Messenger:

I love all the Winter Olympic events, sliding downhill on a piece of wood, sliding downhill on two pieces of wood, sliding downhill in a piece of wood. All amazing.

Shared recently on WeChat:

Strangers vomiting their beliefs all over you every day is not good for the soul.

Shared recently on Telegram:

“Kiss From a Rose” makes you think Batman Forever is the most romantic movie ever made.

Nothing is worse than seeing a gorgeous girl that I’d never approach or stand a chance with and then finding out she has a boyfriend.

3 weeks ago

Funny quote about unapproachable beauty and missed chances with a playful vibe.

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Commentary:
"Story of every hopeless romantic's life: Having a crush on someone who's as out of reach as WiFi on a deserted island 🤦‍♂️💔 Better luck next time, buddy! Maybe she'll break up with her boyfriend, or he'll turn out to be her annoying younger brother in disguise 🙈😂"

approach, boyfriend, chance, dating, finding, girl, gorgeous, humor, ID, love, never, nothing, rejection, relationship, seeing, stand, worse

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Social Media Stars ⭐

94 shares on Instagram this month:

“It is what it is,” I say, as I almost vomit from anxiety.

97 shares on Instagram this month:

Weed smokers be like, “Hold up — before we go to the store, I have to get scared.”

29 shares on TikTok this month:

I told my daughter to check her attitude, and she responded, “For complaints about attitude, please contact the manufacturer.”

68 shares on Messenger this month:

“Are you okay?” No, it’s literally Monday every 15 minutes.

78 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I don’t follow washing instructions, you’re my clothes you don’t tell me what to do.

51 shares on YouTube this month:

Making eye contact with strangers on the sidewalk and saying “it’s crazy that they just let me walk around, haha”.

34 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Every time I want to use a big word that I just know the meaning of, I Google it first, just in case.

52 shares on Facebook this month:

Thinking of becoming the “where’s my hug” guy in prison.

14 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Who needs an alarm clock when you have a bladder.

32 shares on Telegram this month:

The fun thing about Airbnb is that you get to clean someone else’s house on your vacation.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m implementing a new policy in my house: any child who is awake past bedtime can either go to sleep or clean the house, no exceptions.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Texting a man first feels like I’m on my hands and knees begging him to talk to me.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when people ask me, “What did you do today?” Like, buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t know.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Dear God, thank you for the job I have. But if you have a lottery win planned for me, I’m ready! Thank you.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

So I think the mammals have now ravaged this planet long enough. It’s time for the reptiles to take over again.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Last year I had no valentine, this year I also have no valentine. Consistency!

9 folks are currently checking 👀

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

Has anyone ever considered that Dr. Pepper could be a gynecologist?

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Cholesterol has a special place in my heart.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Going to the beach the day after watching Jaws hits different.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,529

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Procrastination isn’t a horrible thing. I mean, you always have something to do tomorrow… plus you have nothing to do today.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

Currently looking for tickets for the first flight back to the ’90s.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has bookmarked:

I invoiced my boss two extra hours for the dream I had about work last night. I’m considering that overtime.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has downloaded:

Not gonna lie, I just assume everyone is AI now.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

The whole “read before you go to bed to get sleepy” thing does not apply to me because I will be up till 5 a.m. if the book is worth it.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has shared:

I bought a calming tea but the smell and taste is making me nervous.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has downloaded:

Just cleaned my room in case Beyoncé was somewhere close to my house and her car broke down, and she needed somewhere to sleep.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Hello taxi, off to Friday please. Money doesn’t matter!

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Cause of death: Trying to draw eyebrows on the neighbor’s cat.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

No one talks about the horrific event of meeting someone who is exactly your type.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Messenger:

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you give it a really good massage?

Broadcasted on WhatsApp:

If I could go back in time, I’d probably stop Bruce Willis from saving us from that asteroid.

Freshly posted on Slack:

I hate it when I check my transactions history, and everything adds up like damn, so no one stole from me.

Just shared via Reddit:

Hey man, be careful on the trampoline, one of my buddies never came back down.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

The science between bragging about a man and him disappointing you immediately after needs to be studied.

Freshly posted on Discord:

I’m not just a pretty face, I’m also a massive disappointment to my family.

Breaking via Slack:

Twitter will always be your best app if you’re single, funny, or just depressed.

Going viral on Messenger:

Not to brag, but my best yoga pose is awkward facing dog.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

These weekends are starting to feel as long as a lunch break.

Just shared via Instagram:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

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