Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Someone from 🇭🇹 has shared:

My career goal is to be able to just delete my LinkedIn account at some point.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has downloaded:

I think carefully about what I’m going to say and I still manage to say the wrong thing. It’s truly a gift I have.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

Someone from 🇹🇿 has bookmarked:

Stop dating if you have no car.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

You get to choose which path you take. I see some of you have chosen the psychopath.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has viewed:

With no training whatsoever, I took out myself and the other two people exiting the ski lift in one fell swoop.

Someone from 🇨🇴 has bookmarked:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

Everyone should be more grateful for what I don’t say.

Someone from 🇲🇷 has copied:

When someone is in a Christmas eve panic, I always find that “well, maybe you should have thought of that sooner” is a helpful phrase.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

0 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,269

Funny Quotes Topics

17,387

Funny Quotes Images

15,269

Updated

Dec 31, 2025

Users Online

3,619

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Facebook:

Welcome to your 40’s: you’re not hungover, it’s just Tuesday.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Called in, “I can either stay home today and learn to play this accordion or bring it in with me. Your call.”

Trending via Reddit:

I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I’m hilarious.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I like my men like I like my coffee, secretly alcoholic.

Making waves on Discord:

Apologies for the late response, instead of spending three minutes answering your email, I ignored it and felt anxious for two weeks.

Just landed via Instagram:

Pirate: walks the plank. Someone’s dad: Is this teak?

Shared recently on Reddit:

If I ever go missing, check the snack aisle. I’m probably just deciding.

Going viral on Snapchat:

I hope my parents feel proud. They scared me so bad about getting pregnant as a teenager that now they’re never getting grandkids.

Making waves on WeChat:

Just because I loved you at one point doesn’t mean I will always love you. I’m not Whitney Houston.

Just landed via Reddit:

Maturing is realizing you’re not stable enough to do mushrooms.

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Move over, VIPs coming through! 🐦🛣️😂 #GooseGoals #EntitledWaddle"

animals, crossing, entitlement, family, goose, humor, nature, nothing, road, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

This meeting could have been an unread email.

0

2 months ago

email, humor, meeting, office, productivity, sarcasm, time-wasting, unread, work
Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

0

2 months ago

bad, beautiful, beauty, humor, irony, morning, sunrise, timing
Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

0

2 months ago

close, computer, computer joke, enough, humor, i, interface, joke, just, login, once, password, relatable, say, tech, tech humor, user, user interface, want
I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

0

2 months ago

am, away, dentist, eat, eating, food, humor, hunger, i, irony, leave, never, restriction, right, told
Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places.

0

5 months ago

change, evil, favorite, favorite product, frustration, hiding, humor, new, people, places, product, products, shopping, supermarket, things, well
So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

0

3 months ago

anyone, apocalypse, belief, climate, climate disaster, die, disaster, disasters, end, humor, just, know, mass, mass belief, psychosis, religion, religious, satire, survival, thing

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎉🥂 New Year Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

29 shares on LinkedIn this month:

What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, but also a little grumpy.

28 shares on Instagram this month:

Sorry, my face wasn’t created to hide that much distain for what you’re saying.

74 shares on WhatsApp this month:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

91 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I’m upstairs and the food is downstairs. Send help.

77 shares on Twitch this month:

Too young to retire, too poor to quit and too fat to strip – so let’s move on.

71 shares on WeChat this month:

Girlfriend says because we got Chinese yesterday, we can’t get it again today. I don’t think that makes sense. They do it in China all the time.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

If I complain about being out of shape, I don’t actually want fitness tips and workouts to try. I just want to complain and remain out of shape. What is wrong with you people?

91 shares on Threads this month:

Old age is always 15 years older than I am.

82 shares on WeChat this month:

The only thing stopping cheesecake from being a breakfast food is you.

93 shares on Instagram this month:

I just want to find someone that gets annoyed by the same things as I do.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇷🇸 has copied:

A woman’s sigh can speak a 1000 words.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has shared:

I hate when the lotion bottle pump squirts the hardened remains of its mucus plug into the palm of your hand.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

My mom asked me to hand out invitations for my brother’s surprise birthday party, and that’s when I realized he was the favorite twin.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has copied:

Spices were first brought to Western Europe in the Middle Ages. Some of them are still at the back of my cupboard.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has viewed:

Anyone want to meet up and just scream… We could get food after.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

As a child, my family’s mealtime menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Someone from 🇹🇩 has viewed:

I wonder how long you could drive in a roundabout before a cop would be like, hey, you can’t do that anymore.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

If you tell me to watch until the end, the end better be in five seconds.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has shared:

I’m not a dietitian, but if you eat pizza right at midnight your body doesn’t know if the calories go towards yesterday or today so they don’t count.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has copied:

Did I eat too much candy today? My stomach says yes, but my heart says no.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via WeChat:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

Broadcasted on Facebook:

Lowkey wanna fall in love, but Monday to Friday is work, Saturday is laundry, Sunday is mental prep for Monday. The butterflies in my stomach are actually decomposing.

Trending via Twitch:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

A moment of silence for those who hate us but can’t unfriend us because they’re afraid of not knowing what’s happening in our lives.

Going viral on Facebook:

People make the mistake of keeping aubergines in the fridge, when in fact they should be kept in the bin.

Just shared via Snapchat:

In the autumn there are two types of creatures who collect acorns: squirrels and toddlers.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

The sweet spot is just enough pain to know you’re alive, but not quite enough to wish you were dead.

Going viral on Instagram:

Don’t let anyone ruin your day. Be a man. Ruin it yourself.

Shared recently on Discord:

I enjoy excess, but only in moderation.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Insurance is cool because even if you have it, it still kinda feels like you don’t.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Nothing says entitlement like a goose family crossing the road.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

This meeting could have been an unread email.

Sunrises are really beautiful, but the timing is rather bad.

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

I am never hungrier than when I leave the dentist and told I can’t eat right away.

Things went well until the evil supermarket people hid my favorite products in new places.

So, does anyone know how to end mass religious psychosis, or is it just a thing now until we slowly die off from climate-induced disasters?

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨