That awkward moment when you’ve said “What?” three times, so you just say “Oh, yeah..” even though you have no idea what they said. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Difference between a flirt and harassment: if you are handsome, it’s a flirt, if you are ugly, it’s harassment. Posted onMay 25, 2026
In a job interview, you can always respond to an awkward question with a deep gaze and parted lips, followed by “You complete me.” Posted onMay 25, 2026
The trick is to not let people know how weird you are until it’s too late for them to back out. Posted onMay 25, 2026
In an effort to demonstrate how pointless internet debates are, please prove to me that snow is real. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Sometimes I just want someone to hug me and say “I know it’s hard, but you’ll be okay. Here’s a coffee and a million dollars.” Posted onMay 25, 2026
I had the most impatient and rudest cashier. I’m never using self-checkout again. Posted onMay 25, 2026
You can be having the nicest day and then you have to print something and you know your day is about to fall apart real fast. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I don’t want to end this year on bad terms with anybody. Could you please apologize to me? Posted onMay 25, 2026
The week between Christmas and New Year’s should be studied as it is clearly a wormhole, disturbing time and space. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I wish I was a kid again so everyone would be proud of me for taking a long nap. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Before you marry a person, you should first make them use a computer with slow internet to see who they really are. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I hate it when I turn on the car in the morning and the music starts blasting… It’s like, woah, I’m not the same person I was last night. Posted onMay 25, 2026
I would like to thank my arms for always being by my side. My legs for always supporting me. And my fingers because I can always count on them. Posted onMay 25, 2026
The worst part of online shopping is having to get up and get your card out of your wallet. Posted onMay 25, 2026
When someone yells stop I don’t know whether it’s in the name of love, it’s Hammer time, or I should smell the flowers. Posted onMay 25, 2026
Yes, I’m full of microplastics, but it’s actually been helpful. It’s given me superpowers. I can communicate with Tupperware. Posted onMay 25, 2026
No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k. Posted onMay 25, 2026
That moment when you dip your cookie in milk for too long and it breaks off, then you wonder why bad things happen to good people. Posted onMay 25, 2026