My only issue with Ozempic is that some of y’all are taking it before considering the fact that you have a naturally large head. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Sorry, I can’t come. I’m watching Lord of the Rings and contributing to the declining birth rate. Posted onMay 29, 2026
My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet. Posted onMay 29, 2026
You’ll never see Asian parents kissing, hugging, or in any form of romance, but boom, 5 children. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Deleted all my dating apps. I’m ready to find the love of my life in World of Warcraft. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Sometimes I struggle to adjust to civilian life after coming home from the movies. Posted onMay 29, 2026
My favorite part of the Bible is where God says, put a cross emoji in your bio and cheer on the dehumanization of minorities. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Twitter will always be your best app if you’re single, funny, or just depressed. Posted onMay 29, 2026
If you accept a knighthood, you should have to participate in at least one jousting tournament a year. The tournaments should be televised. Posted onMay 29, 2026
I love when people say, āIn college, I wrote a paper onā¦ā as if that holds any academic merit. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Being a reader means voluntarily signing up for fictional heartbreak, and then recommending the pain to others. Posted onMay 29, 2026
Unfortunately, forcing myself to take out the garbage, wash dishes, do a load of laundry, and vacuum has improved my mental health tenfold. Posted onMay 29, 2026