It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Good morning to everyone except people who sit right next to you when there’s a whole room full of empty seats. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Being able to notice that a celebrity unfollowed another celebrity is some seriously jobless behaviour. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I try to find the good in every situation. Wait, no – that was a typo. Food. I try to find the food in every situation. Posted onMay 28, 2026
It’s lowkey nothing else to do except become a better version of yourself, lol. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I wish it was socially acceptable to DM someone, “Hey, why did you and your partner break up?” Posted onMay 28, 2026
Remember the good old days when you didn’t have to wonder if the person messaging you was a bot or not? Posted onMay 28, 2026
No one trashes your name better than the person who is terrified that you are going to tell people the truth. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Nothing hits harder than opening the fridge for the fifth time, hoping new food magically appeared. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Not now, I’m befriending a crow and teaching it how to deliver handwritten love notes. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Thinking of starting a club for people who don’t like to leave their house. There are no meetings. Posted onMay 28, 2026
They say an apple a day keeps a doctor away. But what do I need to eat to keep everyone away? Posted onMay 28, 2026
French is bullshit. They keep changing the translation of ‘soup du jour’ each day. Posted onMay 28, 2026
When physical labor became optional, we invented the gym. We’ll need the same thing for the mind. Posted onMay 28, 2026