The Wi-Fi stops working for 2 minutes, and suddenly I start thinking about life. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Sorry, can’t go out tonight. My bed told me it needs me, and I can’t let it down. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I miss when my biggest problem was whether my Happy Meal toy matched the one from the commercial. Posted onMay 28, 2026
The human body is incredible. It’s like, “Oh, you’re stressed and sad? Here, enjoy this acne.” Posted onMay 28, 2026
Drinking a couple of beers and then getting onto Red Dead Redemption, and just petting my horse and feeding it apples. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Please leave me alone. I’m just a 3,000-year-old time-traveling alien who is trying to return to his home planet. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I’m gonna turn all this pain into something beautiful, like a tweet or a close friends story. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Sometimes all you need is a Saturday to sleep, eat, and do absolutely nothing else all day. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch! Posted onMay 28, 2026
Waitress: “Do you have any questions about the menu?” Me: “What kind of font is this? Posted onMay 28, 2026
One thing I will never understand about adulthood is how I’m supposed to make appointments if I work full time and every place closes at 6 p.m. Posted onMay 28, 2026
Behind every strong, independent woman… is a dog that follows her to the bathroom. Posted onMay 28, 2026
It’s not magic, but I bet you are reading this post with one leg on top of the other. Posted onMay 28, 2026
I hope the next time you’re stressed, it’s because you’re choosing between Japan, Bali, Switzerland, or the Maldives. Posted onMay 28, 2026