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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇰🇭 has bookmarked:

Me and the fellas making welcome gift baskets for the aliens.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

That was a nice hour long Twitter scroll. Feel much worse as always. See you guys tomorrow.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has bookmarked:

If I say, “First of all,” run away, because I have prepared peer-reviewed research, data, and charts, and I will destroy you.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has downloaded:

At 30+, I’m like an old phone battery. Even when you charge me overnight for 10 hours, by midday I’m at 60%.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has viewed:

I always wonder who makes a more stupid face: women putting on make-up or men shaving?

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

If you see this, straighten your back, you banana-shaped mess.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Me (seductively looking at a potato): would mash.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has viewed:

If you ever feel like a failure, just remember, Domino’s tried to open pizza chains in Italy.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

King-sized beds: Because you both want to sleep on the same mattress, but not in the same zip code.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

What are some good jobs for someone with no passions, interests, motivation, social skills, or strengths?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Feb 3, 2026

3,324

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Telegram:

Welcome to your 40s: here’s an extra chin.

Spotted on Instagram:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

Freshly posted on WhatsApp:

I wish I had the determination of my wife, who’s still flipping through radio stations as we pull into our driveway.

Going viral on X:

The Angry Birds assaulted me and made me rip their disgusting bong.

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m the guy at Apple who makes sure all your featured photos are your exes and your dog that died.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Welcome to adulthood: you’re always sleepy unless you’re trying to get to sleep.

Just shared via Telegram:

Every time I spend my own money, I feel like somebody needs to reimburse me.

Trending via X:

It was a tough year, but at least I did not buy a Labubu.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Holding back your sarcastic replies takes a lot of inner strength.

Just landed via X:

They should invent a January that doesn’t drain your will to live.

Penguins are just ducks going to a wedding.

3 weeks ago

Playful quote comparing penguins to ducks at a wedding, funny and lighthearted in tone.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it looks like penguins are all dressed up in their tuxedos, waddling their way to a fancy 'fowl-formal' event! 🐧🐥 Let's hope they remember to bring their dancing flippers and best 'birdie' behavior!💃🕺 #QuacktasticWeddingCeremony

animal, animal humor, comparison, duck, going, humor, just, party, penguin, wedding

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

68 shares on Messenger this month:

Today I started gardening. I planted myself in front of the TV and I sat there the entire day.

36 shares on Telegram this month:

I look so pretty today. I should go for a walk and let the people enjoy this.

89 shares on Threads this month:

“What do your tattoos mean?” They mean I can sit still for a long time.

37 shares on Slack this month:

The only thing I miss from my past is that flat stomach I had.

90 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’ve been blocked by better.

17 shares on X this month:

Life hack: Confuse your doctor by putting on gloves at the same time he does.

34 shares on Telegram this month:

Watering plants qualifies as a hobby.

21 shares on Snapchat this month:

Lately I have the attention span of wait what?

76 shares on TikTok this month:

Imagine if every time you ate a grape you’d hear a soft voice whisper “that was my son…”

95 shares on Messenger this month:

My weight loss journey is just the three hours in between meals.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

14 folks are currently checking 👀

The most realistic scene in Star Wars was when Darth Vader lost his cool during a staff meeting and used the force to choke a coworker.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

Let’s hope those bridges you burn keep you warm at night.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Super excited about a brand new week of hanging on by a thread.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I only drink when I people.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

I wonder what the part of my brain that used to store people’s phone numbers is doing now.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I want someone to look at me the way I look at a travel booking website.

25 folks are currently checking 👀

If I’m ever the problem, you’re the reason.

5 folks are currently checking 👀

Might quit my job to focus on summer.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

May the hardest part of your day be getting the jeans over your butt.

8 folks are currently checking 👀

Life is a highway: Too many cars, not enough bathrooms.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,312

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Not my circus, but I’ve grown quite fond of its monkeys.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Took the road less travelled after buying the sat nav less expensive.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

You could go camping or you could stay at home, not shower, leave dirt on the floor and let some squirrels in.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has viewed:

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the easier it is for me to look at a situation and say: “Yeahhh, I’m out.”

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

So apparently if they ask “do you trust me?”, replying with “well, I trust you to be you” is the incorrect response.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

My parents didn’t raise me to order something expensive when someone else is paying.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

I’m a total go with the flow kinda person as long as the flow is meticulously scheduled well in advance and there are no mid-flow changes whatsoever.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

My social circle is so small that when the phone rings, I know it’s scammers.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has viewed:

If you collect the crumbs from one Nature Valley granola bar, you can make three more granola bars.

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Facebook:

If you think someone has put a spell on you, send me $500 and I’ll get rid of it.

Shared recently on Twitch:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

Just shared via Pinterest:

How to have flat stomach: remove all of your organs.

Spotted on Snapchat:

Money talks, but all mine ever says is goodbye.

Breaking via Reddit:

One man’s worst nightmare (me) is another man’s peace (also me).

Trending via Telegram:

Anything can be a dating app if you aren’t a coward.

Spotted on Telegram:

The reward for doing really good work is more work.

Breaking via Snapchat:

If I got possessed demonically, I wouldn’t even notice it. With everything else I’ve got going on.

Shared recently on Slack:

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

Broadcasted on Threads:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

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