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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has viewed:

If it ain’t broke, my kids haven’t used it yet.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has copied:

The night before a day off is more satisfying than the actual day off.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I love routine. Until I’m bored, then I love excitement. Until I’m overwhelmed, then I love routine.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has viewed:

I’m gonna put “CEO of Blockbuster Video” on my resume because who are they gonna call to confirm?

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Guys love being called “daddy” until the pregnancy test comes back positive.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has downloaded:

I’m forced to conclude that not liking my posts is a you problem.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

If God did not intend for us to eat animals, then why did he make them out of meat?

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

People in my real life annoy me, so I come online to annoy you.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

I’m just a girl standing in front of a cat who followed me to the bathroom.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

24 minutes ago

Users Online

3,428

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via WhatsApp:

Establish dominance over your cat by suddenly bolting out of the room for no reason.

Shared recently on Telegram:

The first person to realize you can eat bone marrow must have really hated that cow.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Nobody supports you like that one internet friend you’ve never met.

Making waves on Snapchat:

I just want a man to look at me the way Doc from ‘Back to the Future’ looks when something exciting happens.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Talking to the stars because people suck.

Spotted on Instagram:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Just landed via Snapchat:

Google AI is awesome because it kills the planet and doesn’t work.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I applied for a job and got it, and now I really have to go there. Crap!

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

My son got braces today. Yay, he’s not going to be a teenage dad.

Breaking via Slack:

One time, I was so high my bra unclasped, and I thought I got shot.

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.

People remind me everyday why I prefer being on my own.
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Commentary:
Guess I agree—my own company is pretty entertaining! 😂🤷‍♂️ #NoDramaJustMe

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

815 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

10,977

Funny Quotes Topics

13,919

Funny Quotes Images

10,977

Updated

24 minutes ago

Users Online

3,422

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

Why does the phone ring longer when you’re ignoring the call?

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

I read that Miley Cyrus will be starring in a remake of Silence of the Lambs. She’ll be playing Hannibal Montannibal.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

The pain of watching a movie with someone who talks a lot.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

Third wheeling with two girls who are best friends is so much worse than third wheeling a couple.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has copied:

Not to brag but I can chop an onion without crying. And I can cry without chopping an onion.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

Women who don’t check a man’s phone will still use their intuition and dreams to find out if he’s cheating.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has copied:

Being insane should at least burn calories.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Just paid rent. Now I have a place to starve in.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on Telegram:

I’ve noticed the best way to get somebody’s attention is to not want it anymore.

Going viral on Messenger:

My boss said he likes how I remain so calm under pressure. Can’t tell him it’s because I don’t give a shit.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

When I say I like when older men tell me what to do, I am talking about Yoda and his teachings.

Just landed via WhatsApp:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Breaking via YouTube:

Not going is the new leaving early.

Breaking via Facebook:

Welcome to adulthood. The weekend is your only time to catch up on everything, but also your only time to do absolutely nothing.

Shared recently on TikTok:

I’ve learned my lesson so many times that I could be a teacher.

Trending via Messenger:

Instead of meeting any new people, I would much rather un-meet the ones I already know.

Seen just now on Reddit:

I think they’ve made more Kung-Fu Panda movies in the last 20 years than they’ve made actual pandas.

Live now on Instagram:

I can melt an ice cube just by staring at it. It takes a while, but I can do it.

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