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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇸 has copied:

Sometimes I don’t worry about things at all and other times I am awake.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

You should be able to call out of work if your partner is so cozy and warm in the morning.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has shared:

Thinking the bodega owner likes you is exactly the same as thinking the stripper likes you.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

Everyone is either engaged, at a run club, doing their master’s, or in Japan.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has viewed:

Spewing nonsense online is the most fun a depressed person is allowed to have in these twisted times.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has copied:

I don’t understand people who don’t have kids. Imagine having absolutely nobody to blame when you’re late.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys, phone, temper, and my mind.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has viewed:

When did making sense stop making sense?

Someone from 🇩🇲 has viewed:

One day you’re young and fun, and the next thing you know, you’re staring out of a window for no reason.

Someone from 🇰🇲 has downloaded:

“I’ve never met a medical receptionist that I believed wanted me to live.”

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,556

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Snapchat:

The first guy to clap after seeing something cool must have been like “what the hell am I doing?”

Making waves on Messenger:

Butterflies all seem so nice but I’ll bet some of them are real bastards.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I prefer people who actually know what’s going on.

Spotted on TikTok:

Maybe hot chocolate wants to be called beautiful chocolate at least one time.

Going bananas on Twitch:

The question “how is work” really pisses me off. Work is work, bro, I don’t know what else you want me to say.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Did you seriously just pique my interest?

Shared recently on Threads:

I’m a credit card, cause I’m always being used or denied.

Spotted on Instagram:

I love how you get on Twitter, and all your thoughts are already in someone else’s tweet.

Just shared via Pinterest:

Raisins also have wrinkles and are still sweet.

Trending via TikTok:

Sorry, I’m late. I found my old CD collection.

People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.

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People say I act like I don’t care. It’s not an act.
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Commentary:
Well, if that's not the performance of a lifetime, then I don't know what is! 🎭😏 Who needs an Oscar when you can effortlessly give off the "couldn't care less" vibe without even trying? Keep doing you, drama queen! 💁‍♂️🤷‍♀️

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

62 shares on Threads this month:

Not all who wander are lost. Some are just moms. In Target. Hiding from their children.

19 shares on Snapchat this month:

I have never seen a sad person sliding down a water slide.

15 shares on Instagram this month:

Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

99 shares on Messenger this month:

Romance level: At some point, someone comes by, sees me and thinks: “Oh well, my God, why not?”

84 shares on Reddit this month:

In my 20s: Jingle all the way. In my 40s: Jingle til around ten.

44 shares on YouTube this month:

In Russia, the cold complains about you.

63 shares on Snapchat this month:

I’m blunt because the universe rolled me that way.

65 shares on LinkedIn this month:

And to my grandchildren, I leave my unread PDFs.

85 shares on Facebook this month:

I am not responsible for what my face does when you talk.

29 shares on X this month:

People say that they want to be tall, but don’t realize how many times tall people are assaulted by spiderwebs.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

20 folks are currently checking 👀

My favorite military tradition is asking someone what an acronym means right after they use it, and they don’t know what it means.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

“Are you sexually active?” Dude, I’m not even socially active.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I think we all know who to blame for the generation of parents who put too many Ys in their kids’ names. Lynyrd Skynyrd.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Why count sheep when I can count my troubles?

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Today’s politics make me think we’re living in a movie where the villains actually win.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Packed all my meds into one bottle for a trip and accidentally invented the best trail mix.

21 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never completed a marathon, but I’ve listened to my mom tell a story, so don’t talk to me about endurance.

15 folks are currently checking 👀

I put the ‘no’ in ‘I will let u know’.

12 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing rattles me like the difference between rows and columns, man. I hate it so much.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

The Recipe for Disaster in me, recognizes the Appetite for Destruction in you.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,469

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Every girl is defined by their one lost love. And by that I mean the one fast food item that was discontinued without warning, subsequently ruining their life.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

If my coworker doesn’t stop asking questions on this Zoom meeting, I will drive across town and slap his face on the call.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has viewed:

Shoutout to everyone who can’t keep up with the laundry or the dishes but decided it was a great idea to start gardening.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I get it, sauce, I also thicken over time.

Someone from 🇳🇦 has downloaded:

I hate overhead lighting – trying to mimic the holy sun should be considered sinful. The lamp is much better, mimicking the hearths of our forebears.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has downloaded:

They should make the last foot of dental floss red so you know when you’re about to run out.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Every citizen over 18 should be eligible to be drafted into the Postal Service.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has downloaded:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has copied:

I’m not starting a presentation with “ladies and gentlemen”, I’m using the gender neutral “to those who heed my warnings”.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

That moment when you cut into a seedless watermelon and find out it’s only allegedly seedless.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Reddit:

You’ll be fighting for your life financially and that’s when all your toiletries finish at the same time.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Bag of salad is the boxed wine of vegetables.

Spotted on WhatsApp:

I haven’t bought 1 Christmas gift but I got 3 packages on the way for me though.

Going viral on Messenger:

Don’t believe in yourself, you can’t do it.

Just shared via Messenger:

I would only enjoy the Met Gala if at the end of that runway they all walked into a volcano.

Spotted on Slack:

Every time you break spaghetti noodles in half, an Italian has a stroke.

Just landed via TikTok:

I have tasted academic validation. I have tasted romantic love. I recommend getting a hobby.

Going bananas on Instagram:

When you’re over 40 and a part of your body starts hurting for no reason that is nature sending a “what ya doing?” text.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

I’m liking your IG photo from 8 days ago because IG just showed me today!

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

So I just keep making dinner? Every night of my life? For forever?

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