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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Sometimes I wish I had a speed bump between my brain and my mouth.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has shared:

“You look happy.” Thanks, I stopped dating.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has shared:

Even in my early 20’s, I was diagnosed with late stage 40’s.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

Sorry for acting weird. It’s just that I mirror people, and you were being weird first.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

You cannot trust me at a zoo because I’ll release the animals.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has copied:

I wish anxiety came with french fries.

Someone from 🇵🇭 has bookmarked:

The more I parent the more convinced I am that the ears on toddlers are purely for decoration.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has shared:

My wife didn’t order anything from Amazon yesterday, so the driver gave us a knock this morning to make sure we were OK.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has copied:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Someone from 🇹🇼 has viewed:

Ladies, if you receive flowers with no card on them today, they’re from me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2087 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,249

Funny Quotes Topics

14,989

Funny Quotes Images

12,249

4 minutes ago

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Trending via Facebook:

Look, babe, I’m sorry. If your fake British accent keeps being this geographically inconsistent, I’m going to have to cancel the medieval roleplay sex.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Billionaires didn’t get rich by working harder. They got rich by making sure you work harder, get paid less, and spend more.

Live now on WhatsApp:

Did it hurt when you forgot your headphones and couldn’t romanticize your walk home?

Just landed via YouTube:

A dating app for people who are way too into cookies, called Crumble.

Just shared via Snapchat:

I don’t trust anyone who gets enraged over messed-up fast food orders.

Spreading quickly via Threads:

Job market so bad, I started following my dreams.

Spotted on Facebook:

You can add tears while cooking if you don’t have salt.

Just shared via Facebook:

Doctors are always giving me Ibuprofen. Man, give me something I can sell.

Spotted on Pinterest:

Sometimes a girl has to delete all the apps on her phone and not speak to anyone for a week to find true happiness.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Looks fade but dark, twisted, inappropriate humor is forever.

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

6 months ago

Please don’t ask me to repeat myself. I wasn’t listening either.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, the conversation might have been going in one ear and out the other, but at least there was a smooth flow 🌊! Who needs to repeat when both parties are in their own world 🌎? It's like a mutual telepathic agreement of selective hearing 🙉! Just nod and smile, folks, nod and smile 😄👂!"

ask, communication, humor, i, irony, listening, me, myself, repeat, sarcasm

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

New Funny Quotes

Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Trending Funny Quotes 📈

Hot Funny Quotes 🔥

Trending Topics 📁

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

2087 added this month

Funny Quotes Total

12,249

Funny Quotes Topics

14,989

Funny Quotes Images

12,249

4 minutes ago

3,431

Funny Quotes of the Month 🚀

Funny Quotes of the Year ⭐

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇾 has bookmarked:

I have friends in high places (birds).

Someone from 🇳🇷 has downloaded:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Life hack: put on an apron at home and people think you’re super busy doing important stuff even when you’re not.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

You aren’t from the Midwest unless you can spin out in the snow, regain control and keep driving like nothing happened.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has viewed:

I try to shoot all of my garbage into outer space, but usually it just lands in my neighbor’s backyard.

Someone from 🇷🇸 has shared:

They should remove the sex scenes from movies and then put them all into one big super sex scene movie they can show in theaters at the end of the year.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has copied:

A man messaged me on Insta and said, “You are not looking bad.” This might be the one, y’all.

Someone from 🇺🇿 has copied:

A car window made specifically for a dog to stick its head out of is called a sunwoof.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

They get real weird at the gun store if you walk in crying and asking for “the biggest one”.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has bookmarked:

Don’t scare me, I fart easily.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

Does your blood pump that way just for me?

Making waves on X:

If I’m not spoken to, my morning grumpiness goes almost unnoticed.

Making waves on Slack:

The downside of common sense is, having to deal with those that lack it.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Never skip the footnotes – it’s here you find out who made the author angry enough to write the article.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

We went on a family vacation and it was a terrible experience. It was all whining, complaining, and tantrums. And don’t get me started on what my kids did.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Male birth control is free, and it’s called wearing Crocs with socks.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Betrayal only comes from someone we’re close to. Just like herpes.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Commas are like garlic, you measure with your heart.

Trending via Facebook:

I can’t stand people who require so much validation. Please like and share this if you agree.

Just shared via X:

I think you are suffering from a lack of vitamin ME.

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