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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t fight my demons anymore. We collaborate.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has copied:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has downloaded:

My mirror needs a screenshot button.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has shared:

Spider-Man, but set in rural England so he just has to walk everywhere.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has copied:

That period between finding out you got a new job and actually starting the new job is one of the best times in life.

Someone from 🇿🇲 has shared:

If lying was a job some people would be billionaires.

Someone from 🇭🇹 has copied:

I’m too old to be jingling all the way, I’ll jingle til about five thirty.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has downloaded:

If she has Bukowski on her nightstand, she will devour you.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has downloaded:

I will never forget how to spell bananas, thanks to Gwen Stefani.

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

Definitely thought I’d be solving mysteries and unmasking ghosts in a van with a dog by this point in my life.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,481

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

It’s never too early to be sad about having to work the next day.

Just shared via Messenger:

Yoga is just slow motion breakdancing.

Trending via Twitch:

Forced to say “it’s okay” instead of throwing a chair at them.

Making waves on Discord:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Trending via Snapchat:

Don’t worry, darling, you won’t break me. Someone already beat you to it.

Just landed via Twitch:

Jesus rose from the grave because he forgot to clear his browser history.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Jesus spent his time among the mentally ill, the poor and unemployed, the prostitutes. So, in a way, by being on Twitter, we’re like Jesus.

Spotted on Threads:

I once let a really short guy be the big spoon and it felt like I went to bed with a backpack on.

Making waves on YouTube:

If it weren’t for this whole job thingy that pays me money, I’d become a professional nap taker.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Putting a blanket over my boss so he thinks it’s night time and goes to sleep.

Political ads be like: send us money so we can send you more ads.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Political ads out here like: 'Give us your cash so we can bombard you with more of our delightful propaganda!' 💸🎥 #PayToSuffer"

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Keep the laugh going 😂

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

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Social Media Stars ⭐

32 shares on X this month:

I now have Taylor Swift as my alarm. Now I always wake up five minutes earlier so I don’t have to listen to it.

46 shares on Twitch this month:

Women will invite you to shower with them, then cook you alive with a temperature of water you didn’t know existed.

69 shares on Instagram this month:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Finally figured out why I look so bad in pictures – it’s my face.

75 shares on Slack this month:

There’s a fat man inside me dying to get out.

37 shares on Reddit this month:

Women call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

32 shares on Pinterest this month:

Having someone sing you to sleep is so comforting, until you realize you are the only one in the room.

67 shares on Facebook this month:

You have never experienced true fear until a poster falls off the wall in the middle of the night.

23 shares on Pinterest this month:

I’m gonna get my vasectomy done at Home Depot like a real man.

52 shares on Telegram this month:

I miss being a kid. Nobody asks what my favorite dinosaur is anymore.

Trending Topics 📁

activity communication day food frustration fun humor i irony joke just know life love me media people procrastination relationship sarcasm social social media someone technology time want work

Hot Jokes 💥

5 folks are currently checking 👀

I hope this is the year my teen learns how to turn off a light when she leaves a room.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

The human body is amazing. One half-open eye and the brain under emergency power are enough to make coffee.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter hits different, cause it’s like the only social media app you can use effectively while playing music.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

A large group of people is called an “eww, no thank you”

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Thinking of you while I’m chopping onions.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Cats are probably like: Oh, I should follow you on Litterboxd.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

An adult is a person who makes noise when they stand up.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If a demon ever possessed me, I’d just sit back and say, “Your problem now.”

23 folks are currently checking 👀

Do you use AI, or is the AI using you?

16 folks are currently checking 👀

A dating app for people who self sabotage called Hinder.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

Users Online

3,310

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

Why do they have to make things childproof when I’m still functioning at a kindergarten level of dexterity?

Someone from 🇦🇸 has downloaded:

Absolutely love wanting to do a lot of things and ending up not doing even one! Yay.

Someone from 🇲🇿 has shared:

I get sad when I see how old people my age are.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has copied:

Such is modern life. Mordor in our midst.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has bookmarked:

Water bottle leaking in your bag is a top 10 worst experience.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has viewed:

If we keep saving daylight, daylight will never learn to save itself.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has copied:

I wonder how many calories I can burn petting my cat.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

If you’re doing Dry January, please, please, keep it to yourself. Nobody cares, and you’re probably even more boring without alcohol.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has copied:

Are there cheat codes for parenting teenagers? This level is really hard.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

Nobody gives me butterflies anymore. Y’all just give me brain damage.

Seen just now on Facebook:

What bootlickers fail to understand is that the boot eventually comes for them too.

Just landed via YouTube:

If I had a bf, I’d be a gf.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Live now on Messenger:

Opening a Star Wars pub called Bar Bar Binks.

Going viral on Telegram:

Wondering when these skinny jeans are gonna kick in.

Spotted on Reddit:

You befriend a guy and a few days later he’s like “I wanna talk to you about something”. Please, God, let it be about the economy.

Spreading quickly via Slack:

Apparently, if you leave your Tupperware cupboard unorganized for too long, they procreate, and extra lids appear out of nowhere.

Just landed via Instagram:

I don’t need the audio tour at the museum, I have my teen to provide critical commentary the entire time.

Trending via Instagram:

Shoutout to myself for ruining my own life.

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