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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇲🇱 has bookmarked:

If your first child is uncomplicated, then it’s a trick of nature to get you to have a second child. The second will be an unpredictable bundle of energy that seems to get by without sleep.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has shared:

If you ever feel stupid, just remember there are people who forgive cheating.

Someone from 🇯🇲 has downloaded:

I’m gonna dress how I want this summer, and if you think I’m fat, well, so do I.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has bookmarked:

The lion is starting to concern himself with things he’s been trying to ignore.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has bookmarked:

Increasing the amount of high fives I give my boss each day until he quits his job.

Someone from 🇨🇦 has downloaded:

Dear Santa, Money!

Someone from 🇸🇹 has copied:

Netflix has every movie except the one you want to watch.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

Mid-life crisis? No, no, mid-day crisis. Something happens every day.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

The only reason to engage with a neighbor is if either of you is on fire.

Someone from 🇬🇾 has shared:

I used to schedule naps, but now they’re little surprise parties my body throws at all hours of the day.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,429

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Messenger:

Winter. You get up, drink coffee and then it gets dark.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Is ice cream for dinner a thing, because ice cream for dinner should be be a thing.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

The biggest lesson employment has taught me is that efficient workers get punished with more work.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Finally gathered all my thoughts and now they’re jumping me.

Going bananas on Snapchat:

Auto-correct and I are in a toxic relationship.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

When someone yells stop, I don’t know if it’s in the name of love, it’s hammer time, or if I should collaborate and listen.

Broadcasted on Telegram:

Just because the deodorant says 48 hours, it does not mean you have to challenge it.

Going viral on WeChat:

I’ve tasted being employed, and I’ve tasted being unemployed. I recommend not being born.

Just landed via TikTok:

Why does the weekend always feel like it lasts five minutes?

Just shared via Discord:

“I’m going to try underthinking about a situation, and see if that works.”

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

24 hours ago

Funny Quotes

Witty quote about academic pursuits and misunderstandings in relationships.

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Commentary:
So true! You keep throwing your money at it, but all you get is a wave and a smile 🙃📚💸

academic, academic career, career, comparison, humor, love, pursuit, stripper, thinking

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56 shares on Discord this month:

It’s truly insane when bosses assume their employees are working for any reason other than a paycheck.

77 shares on Messenger this month:

It’s amazing, when it’s your birthday you really feel the love from family, friends, lovers, former dentists, yoga studios and various smootheries.

92 shares on YouTube this month:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

98 shares on Facebook this month:

Being weird never goes out of style.

92 shares on Instagram this month:

Nobody told me that it takes 1-2 business days to put a snow outfit on a toddler.

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

Tonight I will make history, by turning off incognito mode.

69 shares on Slack this month:

Imagine being social on social media.

36 shares on Slack this month:

Why fall in love when you can fall asleep?

74 shares on Slack this month:

How do you politely tell someone that they ruined your life?

29 shares on TikTok this month:

You’re not a real baddie until a man has tried to forbid you from posting on social media.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

It’s not sleeping alone if there are crumbs in your bed.

Someone from 🇹🇴 has shared:

I don’t need a fancy watch to tell me I’m not fit one bit.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has bookmarked:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has downloaded:

Due to intense brain fog all of my thoughts have been grounded until further notice.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has downloaded:

Nobody flirts better than a girl with zero interest.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has copied:

That moment when you have to restart a song because the conversations in your head got too loud and you missed half the song.

Someone from 🇮🇸 has shared:

Spent 20 minutes training ChatGPT to write the perfect anniversary note for my wife, so don’t try to tell me I’m not romantic.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has shared:

My favorite part of the Bible is when Jesus says to put a cross emoji and a Bible verse in your bio, and then call people slurs on the internet.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has bookmarked:

The only thing that has grown faster than rents in recent years is the overtime we have to work to pay them.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has copied:

Oh, you’re extending your sale? Your Black Friday sale that ended on Tuesday? You’re extending it?

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Messenger:

Someone asked me how much I normally spend on a bottle of wine. Answering “usually an hour” wasn’t the right answer. I know this now.

Just shared via Snapchat:

My advice to young people to prepare for getting older is to start stretching immediately.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

The difference between me and Superman is that he has super vision, and I need supervision.

Going viral on Facebook:

Nothing messes up your Friday like realizing it’s only Thursday.

Spotted on WeChat:

If I’m wrongly accused of a crime, I’m going to prison. I’m way too introverted to have an alibi.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

People that tell us what sex gods they are, what do you want us to do with that information?

Freshly posted on Messenger:

“Hey you!” is short for “I have no idea what your name is.”

Just landed via WeChat:

You ever met someone so dumb you gotta take a deep breath before responding to them?

Shared recently on Reddit:

On a dare, my son sprayed deodorant in his mouth. Now he speaks with an Axe scent.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

For me, math class is like watching a foreign movie without subtitles.

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Activity Log ✨

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Friends are God’s way of apologizing to us for our families.

The fine art of sticking my nose where it doesn’t belong.

They’re putting me through the penny flattening machine at the zoo.

I’m so old, I used to block people by simply holding the door shut.

The first 120 hours after the weekend are always the worst.

A toddler can do more in one unsupervised minute than most people can do all day.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨