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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Nobody rots in bed like I do.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has shared:

I love jogging in this heat, cause the sweat hides my tears.

Someone from 🇮🇪 has copied:

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has viewed:

Croutons feel like an apology. “Sorry we gave you salad. Have some consolation toast.”

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I’d grow up to be a weird freak.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has viewed:

When you try to be humble and say it’s no big deal and they agree with you.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has shared:

America is truly the best country in the world at not learning from their mistakes.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has viewed:

I’m quitting my job to do topless tarot readings on the beach.

Someone from 🇩🇲 has bookmarked:

Social media may have been a mistake.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

The moon is literally dragging the oceans around, and you think your body shouldn’t feel it?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

299 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,568

Funny Quotes Topics

17,624

Funny Quotes Images

15,568

Updated

Jan 11, 2026

Users Online

3,506

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via WeChat:

Good morning to life’s chaos, where my coffee is the only thing that makes sense!

Shared recently on Threads:

Getting a random boner is a bit funny. Like, what is it, boy? What do you see?

Making waves on Pinterest:

The dude who invented the autocorrect has died. Restaurant in piece.

Going viral on Discord:

Hello pollen, my old friend, my nose is running once again.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Most men will receive their first bunch of flowers at their funeral.

Going bananas on YouTube:

You know you’re getting older when you keep asking “Why do they have to make the instructions so small?”

Seen just now on Slack:

I like the concept of restaurant appetizers: “Bring me something to eat. And bring me something else to eat while I’m waiting.”

Making waves on Telegram:

Sometimes there is no way to debug besides staring at the code until you become enlightened.

Going viral on Instagram:

Met a microbiologist once. They’re a lot bigger than I imagined.

Spreading quickly via YouTube:

Before I started my own business, I would suffer from anxiety on Sunday nights. But now that I run my own business, I have anxiety every night.

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

1 month ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
So true! You keep throwing your money at it, but all you get is a wave and a smile 🙃📚💸

academic, academic career, career, comparison, humor, love, pursuit, stripper, thinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

2 months ago

drawer, frustration, household, household item, humor, impossible, item, items, open, purpose
A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

2 months ago

blind, blindness, compliment, face, guy, humor, perception, said, wonderful
My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

6 months ago

asked, childhood, fan, game, games, humor, i, iPad, joke, kid, kids, me, play, question, robot, sound, speak, speech, technology, told, used
Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

2 months ago

alert, brain, emptiness, empty, health, humor, mental, mental health, stomach, wit
I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

2 months ago

catch, confidence, dating, flirt, fun, humor, me, never, relationship, romantic, single, too
I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

2 months ago

account, am, create, create account, frustration, humor, i, online, technology, tyranny, under

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

67 shares on Threads this month:

I don’t assume anything except the fetal position.

21 shares on WeChat this month:

Why do I gotta dress for success? Maybe success could be the one who puts a little more into this relationship.

14 shares on Instagram this month:

Babe, what’s wrong? You’ve barely tweeted your manic thoughts today.

27 shares on Slack this month:

Awkwardly stares into the abyss in between meetings.

24 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

94 shares on Slack this month:

I don’t have read receipts on my phone because why would I tell on myself like that?

70 shares on TikTok this month:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

17 shares on Messenger this month:

All these deadlines, but it’s you I want to meet.

100 shares on Threads this month:

Girls these days are like a box of chocolates. Some have nuts.

15 shares on X this month:

Limiting my replies to introverts, wizards, freaks and vampires only.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Stretching is not enough. I need to be rolled through a pasta machine.

Someone from 🇸🇧 has shared:

Just got diagnosed with needing a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

The only recipes they have online are where I’m the one who’s supposed to buy all this stuff and then make it. That’s not what I’m looking for.

Someone from 🇬🇶 has bookmarked:

I should be able to eat one huge meal a month, like a snake. This every-few-hours shit sucks.

Someone from 🇳🇴 has downloaded:

(Talking to myself) I just don’t know what to tell you.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has viewed:

Take me back to the night we met so I can never give you a chance.

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

(While my wife opens up her Christmas present) Remember when you said we needed milk?

Someone from 🇴🇲 has bookmarked:

Damn boy, are you a horoscope? Because I’m selectively focusing on the parts of you that make sense for me.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

I love how all the movies about teenagers have to be set in the 90s or earlier otherwise we’d just be watching kids on their phones for two hours.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has viewed:

Men be like, “Ok, you wanna know the truth,” and lie even harder.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Instagram:

My signature move is me looking for my phone that I’m currently holding in my hand.

Shared recently on Discord:

I did some exercise in 2010, I should be good for another few years.

Trending via Twitch:

I always ask for a receipt so I can keep them in my purse for 86 years.

Just shared via Reddit:

During childbirth, women are in so much pain that it is almost possible for them to feel what men have to endure when they have a cold.

Going viral on Facebook:

Deleting dating apps because I want to meet someone the old fashioned way (he and his donkey rescue me from a tower guarded by a dragon).

Shared recently on YouTube:

Bowling: The most fun you can have wearing someone else’s shoes.

Just landed via Pinterest:

My kids didn’t follow me into the bathroom so now I’m scared to leave and find out what they got into instead.

Just shared via YouTube:

It’s a paradox that your nose is running and your feet smell.

Trending via YouTube:

I don’t understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our kids.

Just landed via Messenger:

Pluck a single eyebrow hair in 1994, and it never grows back. Pluck a single chin hair today, and it’s back with five friends by 6 p.m.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Pursuing an academic career is like thinking the stripper loves you.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

The sole purpose of some household items is to make it impossible for you to open the damn drawer.

A blind guy felt my face and said, “Wonderful.”

My kids asked me what games I used to play on my iPad as a kid. I told them I used to speak into a fan to sound like a robot.

Unlike the stomach, the brain doesn’t alert you when it’s empty.

I’m never single for too long, you gotta catch me while you can.

I am crumbling under the tyranny of constantly needing to ‘Create an Account’.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨