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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇿 has copied:

I was the most patient parent and then I had kids.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

It’s like no one in my family appreciates that I stayed up all night overthinking for them.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

This morning, like every morning, he practiced his quick draw of his finger guns in the bathroom mirror, because you just never know.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has bookmarked:

I have a bit of an inferiority complex. But it’s not a very good one.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has bookmarked:

I hate when someone you love says mean things like, “It’s time to wake up.”

Someone from 🇰🇬 has downloaded:

You should be able to google what someone said to you at the bar last night.

Someone from 🇧🇷 has bookmarked:

If you get injured playing peekaboo, you end up in the ICU.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has viewed:

I was very disappointed when I found out drinking alcohol doesn’t actually kill brain cells, I was hoping to join a political party one day.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

Legos are too expensive nowadays. They should go back to costing as much as they did when my parents paid for them.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has viewed:

Self-help books are brain rot. Return to fiction.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Jan 7, 2026

3,380

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Telegram:

I love how one day my body just decided “You know what you really need is some ear hair.”

Seen just now on Pinterest:

I was dropped as an adult.

Just shared via Slack:

That uncontrollable urge to hurt myself and others when a film’s subtitles are slightly out of sync.

Broadcasted on Instagram:

Really just want to meet someone who knows what songs not to talk over.

Spotted on Threads:

Fifty shades of I miss you.

Just shared via Twitch:

Had calamari for the first time ever, and it wasn’t that bad. Maybe I’ll try marriage next.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Sorry I didn’t respond to your message, I got stuck in a cloud while skydiving and lived for 72 days by drinking rain and eating birds that flew too close.

Spotted on Telegram:

I like how the Tooth Fairy got the job, and then subbed it out to everyone’s parents. That’s called “business savvy.”

Making waves on LinkedIn:

Call me a glitch, cause I’m definitely messing with your system.

Trending via YouTube:

Never make a promise you can’t keep rescheduling.

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

2 months ago

0

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
🎉🎂 Breaking news: Scientists reveal the secret to staying forever young – simply have more birthdays and watch yourself grow older one candle at a time! Who knew aging could be so enlightening? 😂🔬 #StayForeverYoung #BirthdayMagic

age, birthday, grow, growth, health, healthy, humor, older, people, researcher

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

A colon can completely change the meaning of a sentence. For example: Jill ate her friend’s sandwich VS Jill ate her friend’s colon.

0

2 months ago

change, colon, example, friend, friends, grammar, humor, joke, meaning, sandwich, sentence, vs
She is so narcissistic that her narcissism has narcissism.

0

2 months ago

ego, humor, love, narcissism, obsession, self, self-love, self-obsession
Most people think that T-Rexes can’t clap because they have short arms, but really it’s because they’re dead.

0

2 months ago

arm, arms, clap, dead, dinosaur, fact, funny fact, humor, irony, people, short, short arm, T-Rex, think
Aging is the worst. I miss the good ol’ days when my pain was strictly emotional.

0

2 months ago

aging, days, emotional, good, good ol’ days, humor, i, miss, ol’, pain, worst
It’s called shitposting, Your Honor. You should try it sometimes; it’s liberating.

0

4 months ago

court, honor, humor, internet, internet slang, judge, liberating, liberation, shitposting, should, slang, sometimes, try
My mind is like someone dumped the entire junk drawer on a trampoline.

0

2 months ago

chaos, disarray, drawer, humor, junk, junk drawer, mind, randomness, someone, trampoline

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

72 shares on Reddit this month:

Graduation advice: Stay cool. Don’t be a fool. Avoid being a tool.

88 shares on Discord this month:

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

83 shares on Facebook this month:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

56 shares on X this month:

Twitter needs a button that’s “bring back that tweet I was just starting to read before you automatically refreshed.”

38 shares on Telegram this month:

How do I become a billionaire by 9 a.m. Monday? Please, it’s urgent.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

Did 900 crunches today. It was a bag of Cheetos, but still.

20 shares on LinkedIn this month:

There needs to be a separate grocery store for people who actually know what they’re doing.

64 shares on Facebook this month:

Men don’t chew on toothpicks all day anymore.

53 shares on Reddit this month:

There’s something so romantic about getting McDonald’s with a lover. Intimate perhaps.

52 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m bringing back “holy moly” and nobody can stop me.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

11 folks are currently checking 👀

The feminine urge to say “ouch” when I bump into things that doesn’t even hurt.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Twitter actually is my diary, so you’re not allowed to get mad at the things I post. You’re not even supposed to be reading this. Why were you going through my stuff?

19 folks are currently checking 👀

I’ve never seen anything sadder than me in a black cape under the salon lights with wet hair parted incorrectly by a solid inch.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

You can’t argue with me because I’ll just agree with you until you leave.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Boyfriend hasn’t accepted my LinkedIn request yet. He doesn’t want to connect. He doesn’t want to build.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Rescuing a cute dog and teaching it how to drive me home from the pub.

10 folks are currently checking 👀

I hate when I’m trying to spell a word, and my phone can’t do it either.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

The Bible is 100% accurate. Especially when thrown at close range.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

Babysitting a pair of twin babies right now and feeding them saying “here comes the airplane”. I don’t know, just feels weird.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

I like riding by myself so I can replay 1 song 111 times with no complaints.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

243 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,512

Funny Quotes Topics

17,578

Funny Quotes Images

15,512

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,505

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has bookmarked:

We got our carpet cleaned today, so I’m just waiting for the dog to throw up.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

You should leave your comfort zone and come to mine instead.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has shared:

One sec, lemme just find the off switch for my brain.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has bookmarked:

I will never stop being a quitter!

Someone from 🇪🇬 has downloaded:

Always stay crazy. Otherwise you’ll go crazy.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has shared:

The best thing about living with my parents is being woken up four minutes before my alarm to be told my alarm is about to go off.

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

When there’s food around, our cat is like an adorable, fluffy shark circling round.

Someone from 🇱🇺 has viewed:

There aren’t enough hours in the day for me to do absolutely nothing.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has downloaded:

The only narcissist I allow in my life is my cat.

Someone from 🇸🇰 has copied:

I don’t text. I will contact you telepathically.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on WeChat:

Some of you need to clean your room before you take a selfie.

Spotted on Threads:

My wife called to tell me she saw a fox on the way to work. I asked her how she knew it was on its way to work. She hung up on me.

Broadcasted on Slack:

Fun like a LinkedIn notification.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

My hobby is misidentifying dinosaurs so my daughter can correct me.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

I have one of those metal briefcases handcuffed to my wrist, and inside… my grandmother’s meatloaf recipe.

Seen just now on WhatsApp:

Can’t, I’m raging against the machine.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Doggy style means I get a treat afterwards, right?

Shared recently on Discord:

Getting married soon. Just need a spouse.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Instead of presents this year, I’m giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

Going bananas on Discord:

Not to brag, but I finished an entire book in one sitting. I’m going to need some new crayons.

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