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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇿 has viewed:

Eating Halloween candy and putting up my Christmas tree because nothing matters anymore.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Iced coffee and crying, the most Californian afternoon.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has copied:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has copied:

I saw someone wearing a shirt today that said “Eat Pasta Run Fasta,” and I can’t get it out of my head.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

Having a crush as an adult is soooo embarrassing. I’m literally too old for this. I’m gonna learn how to forge a sword.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has shared:

Autocorrect is like a tiny person inside your phone that sometimes gets drunk and says the dumbest things.

Someone from 🇲🇰 has viewed:

My front facing camera got me looking like a failed science project.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has shared:

Times New Roman never did anything to anybody. It was a real trooper. Then society unceremoniously dethroned it.

Someone from 🇮🇹 has bookmarked:

My wife is refusing to bring me a beer. That’s it, gonna text her and say “I cannot believe how lazy you are”.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has bookmarked:

The October urge to live in a sleepy seaside town with a horrifying backstory.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Jan 6, 2026

3,265

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on WeChat:

I hate being at the age where you feel obligated to buy your whole family gifts for Christmas, but also the age where your bank account doesn’t feel obligated to support that.

Just landed via Instagram:

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

Seen just now on Reddit:

Even worse than a spider is a spider that just disappeared.

Seen just now on WeChat:

Divorce is so weird. Why do I have an ex-aunt?

Breaking via LinkedIn:

I hate it when you ask what you thought was a simple question in a meeting at work, and it turns into another meeting.

Shared recently on Slack:

You ever get into such a weird mood you have to put yourself on house arrest for a couple days?

Going bananas on LinkedIn:

Best time to reach me is when I’m at work. Don’t bother me when I’m at home.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Seen just now on Twitch:

They charge you for the groceries and then they charge you for the toilet paper when you turn the groceries into poop. Open your eyes!

Shared recently on Messenger:

Thanksgiving should be called Feaster.

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

6 months ago

0

Sawing a hole in a table from underneath to steal a cake is a lot harder than cartoons would have you believe.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Trying to be a cartoon cake thief IRL? That's a recipe for disaster! 🎂🪚🤣

believe, cake, cartoons, harder, hole, lot, steal, table

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I have high standards for dating because I’m a high-quality woman, and you wouldn’t want me any other way.

0

6 months ago

confidence, dating, high, high-quality, humor, i, me, relationship, standard, standards, want, woman
There’s nothing that I hate more than a failed nap attempt.

0

2 months ago

attempt, failure, hate, humor, i, nap, nothing, rest, sleep
Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

0

2 months ago

chilling, classroom, first grade, funny moment, grade, just, kid, memory, moment, nowhere, remember, school, throw, throw up
I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

0

2 months ago

Amazon, consumerism, humor, i, irony, need, online, online shopping, run, shopping, things
Very difficult being a full grown adult with a terrible fear of being “in trouble”.

0

2 months ago

adult, anxiety, being, difficult, fear, full, grown, humor, life, maturity, responsibility, terrible, trouble
There’s a rhyming Italian expression for saying “take it or leave it” that goes “o mangi questa minestra o salti dalla finestra”. It means “either eat this soup or throw yourself out the window”.

0

2 months ago

eat, expression, food, humor, italian, language, leave, means, rhyme, saying, soup, take, take it or leave it, throw, window, yourself

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on YouTube this month:

I assume fish have beautiful names for eachother, unpronounceable by human tongues.

12 shares on Facebook this month:

Why would I take the high road when I could take the psychopath?

42 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I use karate strictly as a last resort, after I’ve exhausted fleeing and screaming.

43 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Shrimp: “When I grow up, I want to be food waste at a gala.”

96 shares on Instagram this month:

I wonder if people that fall asleep right away know that we hate them.

68 shares on Telegram this month:

I got 3 miles in before breakfast. That’s enough driving for the day.

96 shares on Slack this month:

At the end of the day, it’s just me and me.

21 shares on Instagram this month:

Once you are able to find humor in any situation, you’ve either reached enlightenment or you’re just a little unhinged.

54 shares on X this month:

Your girlfriend needs two hours to get ready. But if you don’t have your shoes on when she’s ready, you’re the problem.

60 shares on Threads this month:

Sorry for being late, I was enjoying my last few minutes of not being here.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Nothing like a grandfather clock to remind you every hour that you’re still awake.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

No one is more stressed than someone who has seen their potential and knows they aren’t living up to it.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

9 folks are currently checking 👀

Apologies for the delays. The suitcase smashing machine has broken down, so we’re having to smash suitcases by hand.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

Using my invisible hula hoop really freaks people out.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

My love language is caffeine and being left alone until I’m kind again.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

My fight or flight response has frequent flyer miles.

22 folks are currently checking 👀

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

19 folks are currently checking 👀

Soon as vampires become real, I’m first in line for my bite.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

236 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,505

Funny Quotes Topics

17,570

Funny Quotes Images

15,505

Updated

Jan 6, 2026

Users Online

3,535

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇰 has copied:

Why can’t I explore the dentist’s mouth too?

Someone from 🇦🇫 has viewed:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Someone from 🇰🇿 has copied:

Looking forward to eight hours of trying to get four hours of sleep tonight.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I be telling people, “I respect your decision,” and I really don’t. The decision is always something stupid, and I just don’t want to engage any further.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has viewed:

Have you tried complaining about it?

Someone from 🇺🇬 has shared:

I drink so much coffee, people feel jittery when they see a picture of me.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has copied:

Me: Do you have the movie I want to watch? Netflix: No, but we have hundreds of movies that you don’t want to watch!

Someone from 🇳🇵 has downloaded:

Grateful to be living in the “Tetris when it’s going too fast and blocks are helplessly piling up” era of human history.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has shared:

Life is basically avoiding people who have seen you naked, whilst trying to find new people to see you naked.

Someone from 🇹🇻 has copied:

Probably the worst thing about the death of print media is the devastating effect it’s having on the producers of traditional ransom notes.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Threads:

When they make a Hate Island, somebody link me.

Trending via Messenger:

Have kids so you can live in a house full of people who can’t find anything.

Live now on Discord:

Being single allows you to do a lot of things. For example, standing naked in the kitchen at night and eating cold pizza.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Public transportation is great, but they should invent a type where it’s only me in the vehicle.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness, clearly never paid for a divorce.

Spotted on X:

A fun thing to do on a first date is wear a wedding dress.

Trending via Facebook:

Day number 3 without coffee: Lost hearing in my left eye.

Spreading quickly via Twitch:

Unfortunately, you have to almost worship the ground I walk on for me to believe you’re into me.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Having your own apartment by yourself is so funny, cause I really just swept the whole place naked.

Trending via WhatsApp:

Me and my boys are broke, so we take turns taking pictures of one iced matcha.

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