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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇾 has downloaded:

Nowadays an “all-nighter” means I didn’t have to get up to pee.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

Ok, new plan, I’m gonna marry a Kardashian.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has shared:

Remember, when a package says “sharing size”, that’s just a guideline. They have no enforcement mechanism.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

My love language is deader than Latin.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has bookmarked:

When your parents are on a call and they ask for a pen, man, that pressure is real.

Someone from 🇪🇸 has copied:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Someone from 🇧🇩 has bookmarked:

Some days you have breakfast for dinner and live life on your own terms.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has shared:

Just say, “My future husband would never do that,” and move on.

Someone from 🇺🇸 has shared:

Some should judge a little less and look at their lives a little more.

Someone from 🇲🇨 has bookmarked:

Whoever invented the “skip intro” button really understood humans.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

15,752

Funny Quotes Topics

17,765

Funny Quotes Images

15,752

Updated

Jan 20, 2026

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3,289

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Reddit:

I am absolutely unstoppable, unless it’s a bit rainy.

Just shared via Threads:

Every guy wants to be called Daddy till that test comes back positive.

Just landed via Messenger:

When I get married, I want my wedding video to be filmed like it’s an episode of The Office. I want camera zooms, eye contact, side commentary— all of it.

Just shared via Messenger:

Not to brag but there are so many movies out there that have watched me sleep.

Live now on TikTok:

Women are like a fitted sheet. No matter what you do or how hard you try, they just never seem to cooperate.

Making waves on Twitch:

Waiting in the grocery store parking lot for the rotisserie chickens to be ready. The thrill of the hunt.

Seen just now on X:

Every person you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about. Make it worse by asking if they’re drinking enough water.

Making waves on Facebook:

Nature is fascinating. A dandelion makes it through concrete, while I get my head stuck in my sweater in the morning.

Just shared via YouTube:

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

Going bananas on Instagram:

So. Fed the laundry and washed the cat. Showered the garbage and disposed of myself. Was there anything else?

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

2 months ago

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Commentary:
"Major respect to the sweat warriors! 🚶‍♂️🌞 Just yell out 'You good?' to make sure they're still in one piece! 😂🏃‍♀️"

concern, exercise, heat, humor, jogging, okay, people, seriously, shout, shout out, sure

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14 shares on Telegram this month:

One day you’ll find someone obsessed with you. It’s probably going to be a squirrel.

98 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m buysexual, you buy me food, I become sexual.

68 shares on Pinterest this month:

I love when my brain cells kiss and I have an idea.

68 shares on X this month:

Let’s all be grateful for a moment that stupidity is not contagious.

22 shares on Snapchat this month:

The question is, what will kill humanity this century? Artificial intelligence or natural stupidity?

77 shares on LinkedIn this month:

People who can’t tell the difference between whole numbers and decimals are missing the point.

63 shares on WeChat this month:

I’m pretending to be a hot girl on Tinder so I can match with my roommate and tell him I’m coming over, so he’ll clean the apartment.

83 shares on Twitch this month:

If buying isn’t owning, then pirating isn’t stealing.

58 shares on Instagram this month:

I can’t believe there was a time in my life when someone had to make me take a nap.

77 shares on WeChat this month:

Life is what happens in between trips to the fridge.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

Someone from 🇳🇷 has viewed:

People who say “teamwork makes the dream work” are the reason that some people want to punch other people in the face.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has copied:

I have more trips planned than I have money.

Someone from 🇯🇴 has bookmarked:

I’ve started ripping my shirt in half like Hulk Hogan when I mean business. Long story short, I’m looking for a new job.

Someone from 🇨🇩 has copied:

Just so you know, what you now call an energy bar is what my father gave the canary.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Beautiful women named Severe Thunderstorm Warning are blowing up my phone.

Someone from 🇸🇲 has copied:

Maybe everyone can just pee outside from now on so I never have to clean the toilets again.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has shared:

Perhaps moths don’t seek the light, but are simply fleeing the darkness.

Someone from 🇬🇼 has bookmarked:

I love how bananas just take over the whole smoothie. You can never dim her light.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has copied:

The existence of raw sexuality implies the existence of medium sexuality, but also well-done sexuality.

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Pinterest:

Got an email from my bank saying “is your 401k enough to retire on” and it’s like you are my bank, you know it’s not.

Making waves on Telegram:

Therapy only works if you have a lower IQ than the therapist.

Breaking via WeChat:

When things get hot, they expand, so I’m just getting warmer, not gaining weight.

Just shared via Discord:

I did the math and a second job would help me get out of debt as long as I start it twelve years ago.

Trending via Telegram:

You don’t have to remember details when you don’t lie.

Seen just now on Messenger:

Stop rushing in the morning. You’re starting your day in panic mode.

Spreading quickly via Snapchat:

I already want to come home from work tomorrow.

Just shared via X:

Drinking at home is convenient, sure, but it’s nothing like the experience of leaving the pub feeling fifty bucks lighter.

Trending via Messenger:

I’m not sure what everyone at my coworking space does for work, but I’m pretty sure one guy’s job is chewing.

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Activity Log ✨

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Shout out to people jogging in this heat, no, seriously, shout out to make sure they’re okay.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Why the hell is my laundry bin always full? I’m not even going anywhere.

I’m nervous that my diet pill will stick in my throat, so I usually eat a few cookies after to help push it down.

“Turn down for what?” My ears, fella. My ears.

It’s like 10,000 lies when all you need is the files.

Could you even imagine the crime rate if no one drank coffee or ate bacon.

Due to personal reasons, I will be screaming into a pillow.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨