Shoutout to the friends that still like me. All two of you.

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That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

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Caesar, looking shocked: “Is it bring your knife to work day or something?”

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I childproofed my house but the kids still get in somehow.

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If you’re tired of “food” and want to try something a bit more sophisticated, may I recommend “cuisine”?

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The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

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People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

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It’s funny how it’s often easier to access academic resources illegally, even when you have university library access.

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I’m not good at quickly making up derogatory names on the fly, unless I’m driving.

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If you love someone be brave enough to tell them. Otherwise be brave enough to watch them dating someone else.

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Deciding if I should heal or just give up and go completely insane.