Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇬 has copied:

The only thing I worry about when I’m in the restroom is if people are washing their hands or not.

Someone from 🇧🇫 has viewed:

Centaurs can’t wipe their asses.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

My search history is filled with me googling regular words just to make sure I’m using them right.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has viewed:

My apologies to the Goodreads reviewer who found my novel about vampires on a submarine, “unrealistic.”

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

Having an empty laundry basket is the best 5 seconds of my life.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

I heard you like bad boys. Well, I’m bad. At everything.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

If your girlfriend doesn’t go a little psycho on you from time to time, then she’s not in love with you, sweetie.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has bookmarked:

Female dragonflies will fake their own deaths to avoid mating with unwanted males. They are like, “Ugh, here comes Carl again. Play dead, girl!“

Someone from 🇲🇼 has bookmarked:

Water is a drink whose flavor is its temperature.

Someone from 🇪🇹 has shared:

Be careful when you follow the masses sometimes the M is silent.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

359 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,628

Funny Quotes Topics

17,675

Funny Quotes Images

15,628

Updated

Jan 12, 2026

Users Online

3,284

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on X:

Messages are way funnier when you know how the person talks.

Going viral on Reddit:

Calling the police when someone unfollows.

Spotted on Facebook:

My house was clean yesterday. Sorry, you missed it.

Seen just now on Reddit:

The only things that are really cool in my company are my salary and me.

Just landed via Facebook:

Memes are the most information-dense form of communication.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Not sure how to flirt, but I can make things awkward if you’re into that.

Going viral on Twitch:

80 years from now, this comment section will be full of dead people. Write anything you want.

Making waves on YouTube:

Who needs a dominatrix when you can be beaten up by an automatically retracting vacuum cleaner cable?

Making waves on X:

I need to drink less water. This peeing situation is out of control.

Making waves on Messenger:

Everyone you know is fighting battles you don’t know about, except for my neighbor who just can not shut up about his battles.

Showing my barber a Rorschach test, and he gives me his mother’s haircut.

9 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, at least now I know what a psychological profile looks like in the form of a hairstyle! 💇‍♂️🔍😂

barber, haircut, joke, me, misunderstanding, mother, rorschach, Rorschach test, showing, test

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

2 months ago

annoyance, appliance, beep, feature, forever, kitchen, microwave, sound, timer
That awkward moment between birth and death.

3 months ago

awkward, awkward moment, birth, death, existential, humor, irony, life, moment
Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

3 months ago

chronological, chronological order, follow, follower, humor, idea, Instagram, media, only, order, people, post, posts, shows, social, social media, startup
Many of you need to put “lighten up” on your resolutions list.

1 week ago

advice, humor, lighten, lighten up, list, motivation, need, put, resolution, Resolutions
At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

5 months ago

alien, aliens, humor, point, rooting, sarcasm
I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

4 weeks ago

absolutely, anti-social, being, doing, doing nothing, home, humor, i, laziness, love, never, nothing, procrastination, relaxation, society

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

21 shares on Messenger this month:

(To my coworker that’s a year younger than me) You’re like a son to me.

82 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I think it’s time we acknowledged how incredibly stupid most super wealthy people are.

19 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m not enjoying this slow-burn apocalypse. I need it over and done like a popular Netflix show.

58 shares on Twitch this month:

I’m so single, I have no one to drunk text.

79 shares on LinkedIn this month:

I feel like I’m in season 5 of my life, and the writers are just making ridiculous shit happen to keep it interesting.

85 shares on WeChat this month:

Rapunzel, let down your CVS receipt!

58 shares on WeChat this month:

It must be hard for a vampire to floss their fangs when they can’t see their reflection in a mirror.

53 shares on Slack this month:

I love sarcasm. It’s like punching people in the face, but with words.

85 shares on X this month:

92 shares on Messenger this month:

There has been a British voice in my head saying, “Bit sad innit,” for the past few weeks.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

You know those couples who share their food? I mean, what kind of people are they? Aren’t they hungry?

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

I made a clone of myself to do the dishes, another to do the laundry, and another to do the cooking, but we’re all sitting on the couch watching TV.

Someone from 🇻🇨 has shared:

Adulting is getting excited to go home and get into bed.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has shared:

Love when people summon Grok and there’s no reply. He just doesn’t care sometimes.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has downloaded:

There is a house I drive by most days and I can never tell if they are having a yard sale or that is just how they live.

Someone from 🇦🇱 has viewed:

If you’re thinking of becoming a parent, just imagine working 6,570 days straight without a day off.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has shared:

I get you, bowel syndrome. I’m irritable, too.

Someone from 🇵🇹 has shared:

I don’t see why walking is healthy. Zombies walk constantly and they look awful.

Someone from 🇧🇦 has shared:

Realizing this yogurt I’m eating is more active and cultured than I am.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has viewed:

I eat my first meal of the day in the afternoon, bro. Don’t ask me for advice.

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via WeChat:

My apologies to your congregation. I totally misunderstood when you asked for missionary volunteers.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

“I’ll just iron my clothes for work in the morning,” he thought in stupid bachelor.

Trending via Reddit:

I can’t believe we live in the timeline where we invented a technology to make it so we can never trust a photo or video again.

Shared recently on Facebook:

If a dog growled at me, I would try to understand where they’re coming from.

Live now on Threads:

The pumpkin was invented in 1942 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys.

Making waves on Snapchat:

“It gets to a point” is one of my favourite phrases because it literally does get to a point sometimes.

Shared recently on Reddit:

If you like true crime stories, I highly recommend the history of the Catholic Church.

Going viral on LinkedIn:

Researchers have discovered that birthdays are healthy. People who have more grow older.

Freshly posted on X:

I disagree with my politics.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Schrodinger’s Immigrant: A person who is simultaneously too lazy to work, but is also stealing your job.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Showing my barber a Rorschach test, and he gives me his mother’s haircut.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Who decided that “microwaves that beep forever” was a feature we needed.

That awkward moment between birth and death.

Startup idea: Instagram, but it only shows you posts from people you follow, and they’re in chronological order.

Many of you need to put “lighten up” on your resolutions list.

At this point, I’m rooting for the aliens.

I love being home and doing absolutely nothing and never contributing to society.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨