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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇳🇪 has shared:

Polar bears drinking Coca Cola is my favorite holiday vibe.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has bookmarked:

I have two dogs: one dominates, the other is a subwoofer.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has shared:

Don’t really want to have 6-8 pints and a takeaway tonight, but it’s Friday and rules are rules.

Someone from 🇦🇿 has shared:

My Indian name would be “Stares at Phone All Day.”

Someone from 🇬🇳 has downloaded:

Instead of cleaning my house, I just watch episodes of hoarders on TV and then I think “Wow, my house looks awesome!”

Someone from 🇱🇨 has bookmarked:

No one lies more than a parent who says, “We’ll see.” You know we’re not seeing anything.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has viewed:

Having to pay to read scientific and scholarly articles is a really disgusting and pathetic practice.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has copied:

Please don’t ask me what my hobbies are, I lost interest in life back in 6th grade.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has downloaded:

Have to wear real clothes on Monday. Pray for me.

Someone from 🇵🇼 has copied:

Being quiet in a room full of loud people is my favorite sport.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,286

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Reddit:

Just drafted the drunk text I’m going to send after one drink this weekend.

Shared recently on Snapchat:

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Just landed via Messenger:

Accidentally used my real personality at work today… heading to HR now.

Trending via Slack:

I don’t believe in lying to children, unless it’s about where the good snacks are hidden. Then it’s fine.

Making waves on Twitch:

Let’s just call ourselves divorced now and skip the stressful, expensive bit in the middle.

Breaking via Instagram:

I hate to break it to you, guys, but my husband says you’re not real. He just called you my imaginary friends.

Just landed via Messenger:

People moaning and making noise over food makes me so livid I can’t keep it in.

Trending via Telegram:

I love how spring sprung and then disappeared again.

Spreading quickly via Discord:

Genies are a myth perpetuated by creepy lamps who just want to get rubbed more.

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

2 weeks ago

Funny Quotes

Humorous and witty text highlighting Earth's universal beauty, with a playful cosmic twist.

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Commentary:
Guess those alien pageant contestants didn’t stand a chance against Earth’s gravity! 👽👑🌎

beauty, beauty pageant, Earth, every, humor, joke, miss, Miss Universe, pageant, space, universe, winner

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Social Media Stars ⭐

14 shares on Messenger this month:

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice? Also shame on you. Stop foolin’ me, I am pure.

66 shares on Pinterest this month:

Objection your honor, if the prosecutor doesn’t have anything nice to say then he shouldn’t say anything at all.

51 shares on Pinterest this month:

Just got chills imagining what Tom and Jerry could accomplish if they just worked together for once.

30 shares on Slack this month:

My opinion of the American education system is largely based on how many nuggets I get when I order a ten piece.

99 shares on Threads this month:

My car accidentally drove to a burger shop again. I hate when it does that.

29 shares on Slack this month:

Twitter is just a diary I choose to show to strangers.

10 shares on Facebook this month:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

55 shares on Telegram this month:

How are they running out of oxygen if they’re breathing it right back into the submarine?

69 shares on Slack this month:

Wow, you did such a great job clicking in your little spreadsheets today. Super proud of you.

82 shares on Facebook this month:

I’m an adult in the same way that Katy Perry is an astronaut.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇴🇲 has downloaded:

If “live each day as if it’s your last” means being paralyzed with anxiety and a sense of impending doom, then I am absolutely nailing it.

Someone from 🇯🇵 has copied:

You can always tell it’s Monday because nobody’s smiling.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has viewed:

I feel like a large portion of my adult life has been looking for an adult to do my adulting.

Someone from 🇲🇬 has bookmarked:

I love how every website has a “Keep me signed in on this computer” button and it’s just straight up bullshit.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Please stop calling 911 when you see me dancing. I’m fine!

Someone from 🇧🇧 has bookmarked:

Like shark attacks on humans, it’s actually extremely rare. The majority of antique, porcelain headed dolls aren’t interested in murdering people.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has downloaded:

I don’t think I’ve ever made the right amount of pasta.

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

I find pleasure in closing tabs in my wife’s brain. This worry… done. That task… complete.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has downloaded:

I didn’t ghost you, I saved you from me.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has downloaded:

Authentic isn’t automatically good. You could be an authentic douchebag.

Social Media Log 💫

Just landed via Facebook:

Concert tickets should be 75% off if the artist is really super special to you.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

You okay, babe? You’ve hardly touched the promises you made me.

Spotted on Twitch:

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

No one is excited to see me in shorts except mosquitoes.

Going viral on Pinterest:

It’s so unfair that saying “xd” is still socially acceptable, but only if you’re speaking Spanish.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

Y’all made fun of Plankton on Spongebob for dating a computer, and look at y’all now.

Freshly posted on Messenger:

Do beavers even know what they’re doing, or do they just see water flowing down a river and think, “Absolutely not”?

Live now on Discord:

To whoever stole my oversized clock, you owe me big time.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Here’s what I’ve learned since I’ve been on social media: I’m not nearly as disturbed as I thought I was.

Spotted on WeChat:

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

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Activity Log ✨

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Dads were right. Walking around with your hands behind your back and looking at everything around with a mild look of disgust and annoyance is so much fun.

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

So far, every Miss Universe winner has been from Earth.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Some days you just feel like a hotel microwave. You’re here, but you don’t have enough power to actually do anything.

Dads were right. Walking around with your hands behind your back and looking at everything around with a mild look of disgust and annoyance is so much fun.

Hey, sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

Randomly hearing your favorite song is more satisfying than putting it on yourself.

I like when the superheroes that can fly pick up and carry the ones that can’t.

I feel like this holiday season, it’s important to remind people of the true meaning of Christmas: ghosts terrorizing rich people in the middle of the night until they agree to pay their employees more.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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