Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇷 has bookmarked:

Recovering people pleasers will be like, “I’m in my villain era!” and it’s just politely drawing healthy boundaries.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has downloaded:

Holding this fart in feels like I’m pregnant with a dinosaur.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has shared:

When I’m not posting or returning messages, just know that I’m probably out doing superhero shit.

Someone from 🇲🇲 has copied:

The final act of love is not texting them happy birthday.

Someone from 🇲🇺 has shared:

I love befriending yappers. They bring the yapping out of me. Then we yap together. Yapping is so much fun.

Someone from 🇼🇸 has bookmarked:

Men be like, “I want you.” Yeah, to suffer.

Someone from 🇫🇮 has viewed:

I’m a big fan of that post-laundry feeling when you’ve got all your A-list clothes back in the game.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has viewed:

My stomach just made the exact sound of the “your” in “your call has been forwarded to an automatic voice messaging system.”

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

I don’t like how monkeys have taken ownership of the whole banana thing. I bet I like bananas almost as much as they do.

Someone from 🇳🇿 has bookmarked:

Nobody has ever been more surprised than a husband hearing about his wife’s plans for the second time.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

240 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,509

Funny Quotes Topics

17,577

Funny Quotes Images

15,509

Updated

Jan 7, 2026

Users Online

3,460

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Telegram:

In America we have marijuana. In France they have oui’d.

Freshly posted on Pinterest:

Anyone who thinks being a pessimist isn’t any fun fails to appreciate the joy of saying, ‘I told you so.’

Seen just now on Pinterest:

Every morning I wake up and make the worst possible time management decisions anyone has ever made.

Making waves on Threads:

Slowly I realize why Noah only took animals with him.

Just shared via Slack:

I’m not a morning person. I’m not even an afternoon person. I pretty much start functioning after 6pm.

Going viral on Instagram:

Sorry for running at you on all fours, I was excited to see you.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I have browser tabs open that are older than you.

Making waves on Telegram:

The second date is you watching me parallel park and trying not to have a stroke.

Breaking via Discord:

Yes, I was behind the DJ booth, but only as a cultural anthropologist.

Seen just now on Slack:

New COVID variant subscribes you to random podcasts.

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Brainstorming session went a little longer than expected! 🚿🧠🤔🌧️ #DeepThoughts"

excuse, forgetfulness, humor, i, late, lateness, shower, sorry, standing, stuff, thinking

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

0

2 months ago

acceptance, day, funeral, humor, job, never, retire, using, vacation, vacation day, work, working
I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

0

2 months ago

activity, climb, desire, funny perspective, humor, i, perspective, problem, problem-solving, rock, rock climb, solving, stairs, understand
If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

0

2 months ago

40, age, clothes, couch, display, fashion, humor, laying, mannequin, over, over 40, people, should, stores, want
Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

0

2 months ago

aging, eyesight, failing, humor, mirror, nature, older, past, self-image, shock, stress, walk
Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

0

2 months ago

attention, cost, financial, humor, i, joke, pay, poor, self-deprecation, sorry, witty
I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

0

2 months ago

believe, communication, digital, digital life, email, emails, humor, i, life, message, something, technology, tell, trying, us

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

77 shares on Threads this month:

Whenever I get up my cat gets up too and then yells at me like it’s my fault she decided we have to do this together.

35 shares on TikTok this month:

There are two types of people: those who are clueless about their kids’ schedules and the other who plan it down to the minute. And they end up marrying each other.

25 shares on Telegram this month:

I’m sorry if I seem weird, it’s because I am.

22 shares on Reddit this month:

Marriage is where you gasp while your husband is driving, and he gets super annoyed over and over.

84 shares on Messenger this month:

I’m officially at the age where I hate unnecessary noises and useless friends.

61 shares on Facebook this month:

I am on my second week of biweekly pay so today I will be showing you how to make a quesadilla out of paper towels.

13 shares on Slack this month:

I want my house spotless, but kicking my kids out seems wrong.

72 shares on Pinterest this month:

Trust my gut? The thing that can’t even handle milk.

33 shares on Slack this month:

There’s no post-breakup healing process for girls. You just wake up one day and be like, “Ew,” and you’re free.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

Right now somebody’s therapist is hearing about YOU.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇮🇹 has copied:

The trick is to be born in the right place and at the right time. If you mess that up, it gets tedious.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has bookmarked:

My mental health is as reliable as a flashlight in a horror film.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has bookmarked:

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror this morning, so I guess once again my personality will be doing all the work today.

Someone from 🇨🇻 has copied:

If you’re a squatter, every day is leg day.

Someone from 🇨🇫 has copied:

My style isn’t even my real style yet. Just wait till my budget matches my vision.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has bookmarked:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has copied:

My future wife is probably fake laughing at her boyfriend’s lame jokes right now. Be patient, Queen, a true clown is on the way.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

When life gives you lemons maybe think to yourself, “that’s really quite remarkable given how far I live from a climate capable of growing citrus.”

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

100% of all babіes are unemployed. Pathetіc.

Someone from 🇱🇸 has downloaded:

If she says “you are my world” remember there are other planets. Stay alert, kings!

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via YouTube:

The only way the climate is going to change is if it first admits it has a problem, there’s really nothing we can do.

Broadcasted on LinkedIn:

As long as you don’t ever give them your real name, they can’t accuse you of not keeping the mystery alive in your relationship.

Spotted on YouTube:

Fun fact: a person’s music taste can actually tell their intelligence level.

Just shared via X:

Can I come over and figure you out?

Live now on Slack:

I know it hurts like hell, and you don’t think you can do it, but it’s just one push-up.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Men can stay up til 2 a.m., wake up at 6, be in debt, broke, alone, and still have faith that one day, everything will work out. It’s called being a man.

Breaking via LinkedIn:

Did it hurt, when my ice cream outlasted yours?

Breaking via Facebook:

You know where I’d like to go? Missing.

Just landed via Slack:

An agenda reveal party, where I surprise everyone with all the things I hope to accomplish this weekend.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

It’s not ‘drinking alone’ if you’re at work.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

Sorry I’m late — I was standing in the shower, thinking about stuff.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

I’ve accepted I’ll never retire. I’ll be working up until my funeral… probably using a vacation day for it.

I don’t understand the desire to rock climb. We have stairs for that now. Problem solved.

If stores want to accurately display clothes for people over 40, the mannequins should be laying on a couch.

Don’t stress about your eyesight failing as you get older. It’s nature’s way of protecting you from shock as you walk past the mirror.

Sorry, I’m poor, I can’t afford to pay attention.

I believe that emails are trying to tell us something.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨