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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇿 has copied:

Cocaine is God’s way of telling you that you make too much money.

Someone from 🇧🇳 has viewed:

One of the great things about being a dad is how easy it is to launder my own desire for ice cream through my children.

Someone from 🇳🇱 has downloaded:

I’m so sick of these little 30-minute weekends.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has bookmarked:

My parents think they know me.

Someone from 🇺🇾 has bookmarked:

At the end of the day, the day is going to end.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I followed my heart. It led me to the fridge.

Someone from 🇹🇷 has viewed:

what doesn’t kill you makes you wish it did.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has shared:

I don’t know what i’m going to be for Halloween, so I’m probably just going to put in a tampon and go as a sexy kite.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has downloaded:

That pile of clothes on my bed, seems to have strange powers and gets higher on its own.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has shared:

My hair will never allow me to commit any crime; I leave my DNA everywhere.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Jan 2, 2026

3,270

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Telegram:

Good morning. May your day be as beautiful as I am.

Spotted on Threads:

Sorry, but if you’re walking slower than me on the sidewalk, you’re my enemy. Walking faster than me? Also my enemy. Now if you’re walking at the same speed as me… hmm, yeah, I’m thinking enemy.

Spotted on X:

Am I just an Untitled Document to you?

Spotted on Slack:

Sunsets and women are undoubtedly God’s best creations.

Going bananas on X:

Sorry I can’t carpool to work. That’s the time I use to angry scream.

Just landed via Instagram:

Sorry, I’m late. I got caught up at home being happy.

Just landed via WeChat:

If your store’s bowl of water is just for pets, you should really put up a sign.

Going bananas on Twitch:

My worst fear is dating someone who loves their ex like my exes love me.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

50 is the new 30. Because it takes 50 bucks to buy what 30 used to.

Trending via Instagram:

If your coffee shop has a passive-aggressive ‘no Wi-Fi, pretend it’s the old days’ sign, I’m gonna smoke in there and pay 50 cents for coffee.

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

2 months ago

0

Starting conversations with short people by saying “back when I was your height…”

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Starting conversations with short people by saying 'back when I was your height…' is the quickest way to have them look up to you both figuratively and literally. 🙃 It's all fun and games until they challenge you to a height competition! 📏 #ShortandSweet"

back, banter, conversation, conversations, funny remark, height, humor, i, joke, people, person, playful, playful banter, remark, saying, short, short person

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

0

2 months ago

baked, baked good, benefits, delicious, dessert, food, friends, friendship, good, goods, humor, just, relationship
I miss being able to study with complete focus for hours. Now I read one sentence and check my phone to see if penguins have legs or just feet.

0

2 months ago

able, attention, attention span, being, check, complete, curiosity, distraction, feet, focus, hours, i, just, legs, miss, penguin, phone, procrastination, read, reading, sentence, span, study
I don’t think humans were put on this earth to know what Salesforce is. It’s unnatural.

0

2 months ago

confusion, Earth, humans, humor, i, know, put, Salesforce, technology, think, unnatural
So I used to wonder about people that paid a fortune for those little bottles of Evian water, until I read it backwards.

0

2 months ago

backwards, Evian, fortune, humor, i, little, paid, people, read, used, water, wonder
Making friends as an adult is wild because there’s so much lore to catch up on. You’ll be 3 years in and still get random drops like, ‘Oh, by the way, I used to be married.’

0

3 months ago

3, adult, catch, drops, friend, friends, friendship, humor, i, life, lore, making, making friend, marriage, married, much, oh, random, social, social life, still, surprise, used, wild
Kettlebells? I thought you said kettle chips.

0

2 months ago

chip, chips, exercise, fitness, humor, i, kettle, kettle chip, kettlebell, misunderstanding, snack, thought, workout

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

50 shares on Slack this month:

Whitening my teeth by getting a tan.

42 shares on Slack this month:

Caffeine isn’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat a gun.

87 shares on X this month:

It sucks when you realize it’s only Thursday, until you realize it’s only Wednesday.

54 shares on Facebook this month:

I’ve decided that my 20s are actually from 25 – 35.

14 shares on Reddit this month:

All the smart people at the office are worried about being replaced by A.I., but not me. I’m safe until they invent Artificial Stupidity.

44 shares on Reddit this month:

Married life: Telling your partner the same sentence 7 days in a row, only for him to say, “You definitely never told me that!”

79 shares on Discord this month:

Wow, this person is full of shit. Oh, I’m on my own page.

84 shares on TikTok this month:

Striking gold in your 40s: finding a close parking spot that’s in the shade on a hot summer day.

17 shares on Slack this month:

It’s easy to keep me happy: feed me sunshine in summer — and keep me warm in winter.

67 shares on Reddit this month:

Coffee should just be free for anybody over 30.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

6 folks are currently checking 👀

Please don’t delete your post. Yes, it was pretty stupid, but my reply to it was a masterpiece.

18 folks are currently checking 👀

Show me in the employee handbook where it says I can’t make weird noises in my cubicle.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

Me: “I should treat myself to something.” My bank account: “Dream on.”

16 folks are currently checking 👀

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my grandfather did, in his sleep, not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

In my defense, they burned my grilled cheese sandwich.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I wish I could be as excited about being awake as my dog is about me being awake.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

This economy requires two hustlers working together – not a hustler and a leech. It’s too expensive to be out here carrying dead weight.

20 folks are currently checking 👀

If the earth is so flat, explain why cats haven’t pushed everything off it yet. You can’t.

24 folks are currently checking 👀

If I shook my head at every stupid thing I saw, I’d have permanent whiplash.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

I bet oiling and wrapping potatoes in aluminum foil feels so good for the potato.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

94 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,363

Funny Quotes Topics

17,479

Funny Quotes Images

15,363

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,450

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇽 has shared:

Somethіng wrong іn your lіfe? There’s a nap for that.

Someone from 🇹🇲 has copied:

Guy who normally applauds when the plane lands right before the pilot crashes it: “Boo!”

Someone from 🇬🇷 has viewed:

Behind every funny man is a woman who rolls her eyes.

Someone from 🇹🇱 has copied:

Once I get my UFO, don’t be asking me for rides.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

People in glass houses shouldn’t throw orgies.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has downloaded:

No matter what’s going on in your life, there’s some form of potato that can make it better.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

If she says “so just what exactly is THAT supposed to mean”, you’re gonna have a bad time.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has shared:

Asian girl at tech company: Wow, everyone here is so friendly.

Someone from 🇲🇹 has copied:

The winter months remind me that it is crucial to find someone that you’re thermostatically compatible with.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has copied:

Saw a girl in a Franz Ferdinand T-shirt. She couldn’t even name three other main causes of the outbreak of World War I.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on YouTube:

We’re all mature, until someone pulls out some bubble wrap.

Spotted on Snapchat:

“Bluetooth or Insane?” is a fun game we all play when we see a lone person speaking out loud in public.

Just shared via Instagram:

Can we take a moment to celebrate the little ride we get in the pneumatic chair at the hair salon or barber when they pump it up or down?

Just shared via Pinterest:

Blood pressure too high to chase these hoes.

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Two of the best things in life are laughing and orgasms. I want to make you do both a lot.

Making waves on Messenger:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Trending via Slack:

Pinky promises are still a legit foundation of trust.

Breaking via TikTok:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

Making waves on TikTok:

I have a brain that wants to be alone, and a heart that wants to be loved.

Just landed via Instagram:

The universe consists of 5% protons, 5% neutrons, 5% electrons, and 85% morons.

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