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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇸🇳 has viewed:

When is someone actually going to change the surprise in the avocado? This hard core is kind of a stupid toy.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has downloaded:

Don’t let anyone treat you like a red flag, you’re the whole damn red carpet, baby.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

Can anyone recommend some good places for somebody just getting into visiting?

Someone from 🇱🇸 has bookmarked:

Started the year single. Ending the year single. Consistency is key.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has shared:

I’m eating sandwiches you haven’t heard of in jeans you can’t pronounce.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has viewed:

Your coworkers are your friends; stop working and hang out.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

Here I am, block me like a hurricane.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has downloaded:

My problem areas are my upper arms and earth.

Someone from 🇧🇴 has copied:

If I ever find out who stole my identity, I’ll pay all their debts and ruin their credit score just for fun.

Someone from 🇰🇼 has viewed:

I forgot the word “espresso” so I asked the barista for a smaller, angrier coffee.

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10,890

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13,866

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10,890

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Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Discord:

The most expensive clothing you’ll ever wear is a hospital gown.

Spotted on Slack:

If you make it through life without being portrayed in a murder documentary, take the win.

Making waves on Pinterest:

You feel me? Bro, I haven’t felt anything since the Scholastic Book Fair.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I wish I could throw tomatoes at comments.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

The only way I’m gonna hit the gym is if I accidentally drive into it.

Trending via Reddit:

That beeping of the parking assistant when you get too close to other cars. I’d like that for people.

Trending via LinkedIn:

When the executioner asks me what my final words are, I’m just going to start filibustering.

Freshly posted on Facebook:

Not all works of art are in a museum. I, for example, am lying on the couch at home.

Shared recently on Facebook:

Cigarette smell gotta be one of the worst smells in the history of smells.

Spreading quickly via TikTok:

Failed relationships can be described as so much wasted make-up.

Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.
Stomach: I will now demonstrate a blue whale’s mating call.
Download image ↓

Commentary:
Well, it seems like your stomach is ready to give the ocean a run for its money! Just be careful not to attract any amorous blue whales with your impressive belly serenade. Who knew your digestive system had such hidden talents?

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Response

  1. StardustScribbler Avatar
    StardustScribbler

    Wow, doesn’t my stomach do the same concert every midnight when I’m sneakily trying to snack in silence? It’s truly the symphony of the late-night snackers! 🐳🎵🤣

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Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

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Funny Quotes Data 🤓

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Funny Quotes Total

10,890

Funny Quotes Topics

13,866

Funny Quotes Images

10,890

Updated

53 minutes ago

Users Online

3,420

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Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇹 has copied:

When the devil couldn’t reach me, he made my brain my biggest enemy.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

Please remember, I am an inspiration for birth control.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

When you get angry, take a breath and count to ten. Throw a punch at eight. Nobody expects that.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Killing me softly with his schlong.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

An adult is a person that keeps Ibuprofen in more than one place.

Someone from 🇰🇮 has downloaded:

“You look tired!” Bro, I want to stop existing.

Someone from 🇵🇪 has copied:

Mail is crazy because it’s like 99 pieces of straight up garbage and 1 that if you don’t reply to you’re going to jail.

Someone from 🇹🇳 has viewed:

At the beginning of a relationship, people call their partner’s odd behavior “cute little quirks”. Some years later, the police call it “motive”.

Someone from 🇸🇮 has copied:

By day I am just a regular loser, by night I am the same loser only it’s nighttime.

Someone from 🇰🇬 has copied:

They should invent going outside without people looking at you.

Social Media Log 💫

Going viral on TikTok:

I would be very interested to hear from someone who is ILLEGALLY blind.

Seen just now on Threads:

Becoming a psychic for the foreseeable future.

Breaking via Snapchat:

I’m so unpopular at school they call me “Batteries”. I’m never included in anything.

Spreading quickly via Pinterest:

Now that I have a standing desk, I’m adding manual labor to my resume.

Going viral on TikTok:

When your kids embarrass you in public, the only way out is to turn away in disgust and mutter loudly, “Who raised you?”

Live now on Messenger:

Sorry, I’m late. Time isn’t real, and I’m not convinced I am either.

Going viral on Threads:

Before I start seeing a psychiatrist, does anyone like me crazy?

Broadcasted on Instagram:

I was having a great time until I remembered that I was ugly.

Trending via Twitch:

My whole life just flashed before my eyes and there was way too much pizza.

Shared recently on WhatsApp:

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better than yours.

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