Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇧 has bookmarked:

I have been so toxic and horny lately, I should probably start, like, reading a book or something.

Someone from 🇸🇬 has bookmarked:

Today feels like a good day for a cheeseburger.

Someone from 🇭🇳 has shared:

They say it is hard to look at lips that you are not allowed to kiss. You do not know how hard it is to look at a face that you are not allowed to hit.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

First rule for the new year is to not dwell on what went wrong this year.

Someone from 🇸🇷 has viewed:

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has copied:

All I do is go to work, come home, blink and suddenly I’m back at work.

Someone from 🇨🇲 has viewed:

You hit a couple of curbs, take out a trash can and all of a sudden it’s “you can’t drive”.

Someone from 🇧🇪 has copied:

I love my new crockpot. Now we can wait longer to eat my horrible cooking.

Someone from 🇦🇸 has bookmarked:

Are oranges called oranges because they are orange, or is the color orange called orange because an orange is orange?

Someone from 🇧🇭 has copied:

Sometimes, after I’ve completed a task that wasn’t on my to-do list, I’ll add it and then cross it off for the free dopamine boost.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,491

Social Media Log 💫

Freshly posted on Instagram:

My toxic trait is thinking I deserve a vacation… while still on vacation.

Spotted on TikTok:

The cold water does not get warmer if you jump late.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

Life update: it’s getting worse.

Spotted on Telegram:

Major cheat code in life: ask for the big, unreasonable thing. The universe meets you at your level of audacity.

Making waves on Facebook:

Grammar is the difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Spotted on Instagram:

I think my new neighbors are creeps. They seem to be looking into my window every time I’m looking out my window to see what they are doing.

Shared recently on Instagram:

Sometimes, before bedtime, I fall asleep on the couch. It’s my little sleep appetizer… my nappetizer.

Making waves on Twitch:

My childhood led me to believe that as an adult I’d have to contend with truth serum, lava, quicksand, trap doors, and secret passageways. So far it’s mostly been weight gain and existential dread.

Just landed via Pinterest:

Going out for two days in a row should really be considered an extreme sport.

Just shared via WeChat:

Babe, are you OK? You’ve barely fulfilled the prophecy.

(suicidal grindset guy) When I jump, it’s gonna be from the penthouse.

2 hours ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Wow, talk about a high-stakes leap to success! 😂🏢⬇️

dark, dark humor, grindset, guy, humor, i, jump, motivational, motivational parody, parody, penthouse, suicidal

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

0

2 months ago

always, around, bathrobe, day, fence, going, home, humor, i, neighbors, privacy, privacy fence, start, strategy, walking, wanted, yard
“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

0

2 months ago

boomerism, boss, communication, electric, feels, humor, man, marriage, married, married man, peak, phrase, run, say
I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

0

2 months ago

activity, buying, choice, convince, decision, decision making, desire, fun, fun activity, humor, i, impulsive, indulgence, jetski, keep, life, life choice, living, making, me, need, recreational, someone, temptation
I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

0

2 months ago

being, cooking, day, food, hate, humor, hunger, i, meals, most, myself, own, responsibility, responsible, self-care, spoil, starve
I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

0

2 months ago

forced, getting, great, guarantee, humor, i, marriage, married, relationship, sad, somebody, speech, think
At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

0

2 months ago

age, alive, before, birthday, check, Facebook, friend, friends, happy, humor, page, still, sure, wish

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

83 shares on Instagram this month:

If at first you don’t succeed, that’s so embarrassing. Why are you so bad at this?

91 shares on Messenger this month:

If I’m ever in a coma, please put chapstick on my lips.

57 shares on WeChat this month:

Dear brain, please stop thinking so much exactly when it’s time to fall asleep.

73 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Well, this is no good. How do I turn it off?” – The first primate to experience consciousness.

78 shares on Snapchat this month:

My card got declined at the barbershop so they put all the hair in my mouth and squeezed me until it came out of my head.

20 shares on TikTok this month:

Do you ever wake up in the morning and you’re just like… no.

56 shares on Messenger this month:

I see stand-up comedy as a stepping stone to television. A few more paid gigs and I’ll be able to afford a television.

71 shares on Threads this month:

The most avoided species of shark is the Loan.

36 shares on Instagram this month:

Cats hear everything. They just don’t care.

85 shares on Reddit this month:

Being a dog must be wild, everyone you meet is your masseuse.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇭 has downloaded:

Why have abs when you can have kebabs?

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

Like an advent calendar, you make me want to open up more every day.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has downloaded:

Today, I started a 28-day no-swearing challenge, which I will restart tomorrow.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has copied:

True luxury is sleeping until you wake up by yourself.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has shared:

A driver that delivers Indian food is called a curryer.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has copied:

The feminine urge to turn you on and not do anything about it.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has copied:

Once my school teacher lectured me for unacceptable behavior. That’s 30 mins of sleep I am never getting back

Someone from 🇨🇫 has shared:

I’ve just turned off the news and put on a serial killer documentary to relax.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has viewed:

Some people are like wallpaper… same pattern repeating every time.

Someone from 🇾🇪 has viewed:

I wonder if the scariest moment ever in history has happened yet.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on X:

Twitter is a prime example why most of us shouldn’t be left unsupervised.

Broadcasted on TikTok:

Beginning to understand why deer throw themselves in front of cars.

Just shared via Facebook:

Reoccurring dreams be like: ‘I dunno, here’s a rerun’

Going bananas on Pinterest:

Everyone is posting their vacation pictures and I’m like… I went shopping.

Spotted on WeChat:

Practicing how I’m gonna explain to the aliens that baseline and Vaseline do not sound the same.

Live now on TikTok:

When I was a kid, no phones or tablets. We just read the cereal box at breakfast.

Just shared via YouTube:

At my age, I see no good reason to act my age.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

(suicidal grindset guy) When I jump, it’s gonna be from the penthouse.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

I’m going to start walking around in my yard all day in a bathrobe so my neighbors will build that privacy fence I always wanted.

“I’ll run it by the boss” is one of the peak boomerisms you can say as a married man. It feels electric.

I need someone to convince me into or out of buying a jetski. I can’t keep living in this purgatory.

I hate being responsible for my own meals because I’ll either spoil myself or starve for most of the day.

I think it’s sad that getting married is one of the only ways to guarantee somebody will be forced to make a speech about how great you are.

At my age, you check a friend’s Facebook page to make sure they’re still alive before wishing them a happy birthday.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨