Taking off my house pajamas to put on my errands pajamas.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Just learned in psychology that when a man goes to sleep first, it’s because he’s comfortable around you and wants you to go through his phone.

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Can’t. I’m busy taking this Buzzfeed quiz to find out what kind of potato I am.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

My couch better stop looking at me like that, it knows exactly what it’s doing.

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Imagine being a bald vampire and every time you walk by a mirror your toupée is just floating.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has bookmarked:

Diplomacy is the art of sending someone to hell in such a way that they look forward to the journey.

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Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

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Sorry, I wasn’t really listening but that’s awesome, unless it isn’t of course.

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My cold is worse than yours because it’s happening to me.

Someone from 🇲🇻 has copied:

When I’m drafting a legal document, I’ll sprinkle the word “herein” all over that thing like it’s paprika.

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I don’t dress for women. I don’t dress for men. I dress for the weather, mainly.