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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ฟ has downloaded:

Today, I’m wearing pink to raise awareness for people like me who forget to separate their red laundry from their whites.

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I am grateful for my experiences. I just didn’t need them all.

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Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: “Close Enough.”

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My comments on your home decor are not criticisms, they are deep concerns.

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I hope this email punches you square in the face.

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Starting is the hardest part. Unless it’s eating chocolate. Then stopping is the hardest part.

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I hope your day is as nice as my ass.

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If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

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Are there any medium rappers? They’re always Big or Lil.

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A college education is one of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

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The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

The bowling ball actually hangs out with the pins after work. There isn’t beef there.

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That's why they're always striking up a conversation! ๐ŸŽณ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฌ

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Welcome to Wordgag! ๐Ÿ˜‰โœŒ๏ธ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ’ฅ

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Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ผ has shared:

Two words have helped me open a lot of doors in my life. Push and Pull.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡บ๐Ÿ‡ธ has bookmarked:

Iโ€™ve got a neighbor whoโ€™s really into morons. I should introduce her to you guys.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡พ has shared:

I’ve convinced myself bumblebees don’t sting because they’re too fluffy and cute.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ด๐Ÿ‡ฒ has downloaded:

Put my too-weak notice in at the gym.

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I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡น has downloaded:

I respect the moon’s unwillingness to be photographed on a phone.

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Ironic that the two ฦก’s in “cooperate” insist on having their own separate sounds.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฐ๐Ÿ‡ฌ has viewed:

โ€œI could see myself living here,โ€ I said, in a different city for more than 24 hours.

Someone from ๐Ÿ‡ฑ๐Ÿ‡ฆ has bookmarked:

My bodyโ€™s check engine light has been on for years.

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More often than not, I read applause as applesauce.