The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has copied:

Why can’t people be tested like watermelons? You tap them on the head and find out whether they are normal or bad.

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I wish I were a wild horse in Kazakhstan. That would fix everything.

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No haunted houses for me this year. If I wanna be frightened, I’ll just look at my 401k.

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“Autism didn’t exist until recently!” Have you met old guys who work in hardware stores?

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Soccer: I love when they hold up the sign and a brand new, beautiful boy takes the place of a dirty, sweaty, ruined one.

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A swear jar for Twitter would end world hunger.

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Sucks how every girl I’m interested in is either taken or has good taste in men.

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It’s okay, facial recognition. I don’t recognize myself anymore either.

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Here’s your daily reminder to not forget about Dre.

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My friend and I had a running joke. She said, “Let’s do a marathon,” and then we both laughed.