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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

If the shampoo and the conditioner finish at the same time, one of them faked it.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has viewed:

The longest and most adventurous journeys begin with the words: “I know a shortcut.”

Someone from 🇱🇦 has viewed:

December. The month at work where everything is January’s problem.

Someone from 🇨🇱 has bookmarked:

I hope the ghost of Michael Jackson Hee-Hee’s in your ear while you tryna sleep.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

Using a condom and still pulling out, call that two-factor authentication.

Someone from 🇳🇵 has copied:

A collective orgasm would fix the world.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has copied:

When I say someone is a good doctor, it’s entirely based on the strength of their waiting room Wi-Fi.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has copied:

Stores should accept “I bought this while depressed” as a valid reason for a return.

Someone from 🇷🇼 has shared:

For this Halloween I’ve trained my eyebrows to leap off my face and destroy those who’ve angered me.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

I took your advice and worked smarter not harder. Now I’m going to need your advice on a good lawyer.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

531 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,124

Funny Quotes Topics

17,272

Funny Quotes Images

15,124

Updated

Dec 27, 2025

Users Online

3,935

Social Media Log 💫

Just shared via Facebook:

The worst part about borrowing money is having to pay it back or move to a new city.

Live now on Telegram:

Giving all the dogs in my neighborhood matching sweaters for Christmas so they can be in a gang.

Going bananas on Threads:

If a tree falls in a forest and doesn’t make a sound, maybe that’s where your kid should be practicing the piano.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

DMs full of guys who wouldn’t know what to do with me.

Trending via Discord:

Everybody hates me for being a beautiful angel with a perfect soul.

Broadcasted on Twitch:

Friends with benefits, but it’s just that they make delicious baked goods.

Seen just now on Reddit:

Dear liars, I hope every pair of pants you own are on fire.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Growing old is a process of saying “it’s probably nothing,” with increasing frequency and increasingly being wrong.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

If someone ghosts you, respect the dead and never disturb them again.

Going viral on Twitch:

The reason my eyes are dilated is because I am so attracted to you, officer.

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Why settle for a nerve-racking experience when you can have a nerve-tingling one instead? 😉😂 #TheGoodNerves"

adult, adult humor, cheeky, humor, joke, nerf, nerve, nerve sensitivity, sensitivity, sex, sex joke, sexuality, wit

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

0

5 months ago

apology, boop, button, communication, hoping, humor, i, joke, mute, mute button, nose, sorry, sound
You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

0

2 months ago

back, homing, humor, lose, loss, lost, never, normal, pigeon
Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

0

2 months ago

afterlife, choice, climate, company, contrast, heaven, hell, humor, lifestyle, wit
Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

0

2 months ago

customer, customer service, daily, daily struggle, day, employees, fight, humor, petition, service, struggle, workplace
I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

0

2 months ago

appearance, burger, Burger King, construction, fast, fast food, food, humor, just, king, McDonald’s, never, observation, seen, show, surprise, under
Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

0

4 weeks ago

dad, every, family, humor, i, mom, parent, reaction, refund, relationship, sarcasm, something, stares, stupid, time, wants

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

🎁🎅🎄 Christmas Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

54 shares on X this month:

Ummmm, no, I don’t watch ‘Instagram Reels.’ I have TikTok. I like to get my brain damage directly from the original source.

39 shares on X this month:

The share button on Reddit should be called Spreddit.

40 shares on TikTok this month:

The golden rule of three beverages: one to hydrate, one to caffeinate, and one to celebrate.

58 shares on WeChat this month:

If it was really a smart phone, it would have recognize that it was an ignored call, not missed.

53 shares on LinkedIn this month:

You ever meet an all-male friend group that is less a group of friends than it is “one guy and his henchmen”?

70 shares on Slack this month:

Excuse me, can you direct me to the nonsense?

29 shares on Reddit this month:

Who you are before you have your coffee is the real you.

25 shares on Threads this month:

We can’t all be underemployed creatives. Someone in the group chat needs to know what an insurance is.

86 shares on YouTube this month:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

99 shares on TikTok this month:

I think Australians should have to go three rounds in the ring with a kangaroo before they eat him.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇵🇰 has downloaded:

I don’t wish anyone strife in their relationship but I do wish my neighbors would enunciate a little more when they fight so I can hear better.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has bookmarked:

Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck got engaged, broke up, married other people, had children, reunited, got married, broke up again, and I’ve been single that whole time.

Someone from 🇦🇺 has downloaded:

Excuse me, but would you sign my petition to ban petitions?

Someone from 🇲🇬 has copied:

You don’t have to be crazy to be friends with me. I also train people.

Someone from 🇫🇯 has viewed:

When you have finished reading this funny quote, you will be a little closer to death than before.

Someone from 🇩🇴 has bookmarked:

Noise cancelling headphones but for when the noises are coming from inside your head.

Someone from 🇪🇪 has viewed:

The real morning people are the ones that wake up to call radio stations.

Someone from 🇵🇦 has downloaded:

If you gain 4 pounds in one weekend, that just means you’re an overachiever.

Someone from 🇮🇩 has copied:

When you’re feeling down, just turn up the music a little louder.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has copied:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Slack:

Maybe the clouds, trees, and flowers love looking at you too.

Just shared via Telegram:

I SAID YES!!!!!! after I asked myself if I wanted a breakfast burrito.

Going bananas on X:

Do you ever cycle through the same 4 apps on your phone over and over again, and feel like a tiger pacing its cage at the zoo?

Making waves on YouTube:

Imagine playing Truth or Dare and they dare you to go home.

Making waves on Instagram:

The nice thing about egotists is that they don’t talk about other people.

Live now on LinkedIn:

Boys say that girls are dramatic, but have you ever plucked a man’s eyebrow? They act like they’ve been shot.

Making waves on Instagram:

You’re so cultured I’mma start calling you Yogurt.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I’m doing well at accomplishing nothing today and I’m very proud of myself.

Going viral on TikTok:

Hey, boy, are you the worst-case scenario? Because you’re all I think about.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The clitoris has 8,000 nerves, if you gonna get on my nerves, get on one of those.

Related Funny Posts 🤝

Sorry, I booped your nose, but I was really hoping it was a mute button.

You can never lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, what you lost was a normal pigeon.

Go to Heaven for the climate, Hell for the company.

Petition to allow customer service employees to fight at least one customer per day.

I’ve never seen a McDonald’s or a Burger King under construction. They just show up.

Every time I do something stupid, my dad stares at my mom like he wants a refund.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨