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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇧🇪 has bookmarked:

Plants are like “I’ll have a light lunch.”

Someone from 🇲🇷 has viewed:

Getting a wax is wild, like you really just be bust open talking to the lady like it’s nothing.

Someone from 🇸🇾 has bookmarked:

And so ends another week without me getting rich unexpectedly.

Someone from 🇿🇼 has downloaded:

The list of women who haven’t slept with me is really impressive.

Someone from 🇦🇪 has viewed:

My parents think they know me.

Someone from 🇰🇷 has copied:

When you said “let’s circle back to that in the new year” and now it’s the new year.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has downloaded:

Unfortunately, I’m gonna have to cancel my appointment at a sperm bank. I will just call them and say I can’t come.

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

One week of daily crunches and I have abs…urdly underestimated how long it will take to see results.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has downloaded:

Imagine hating me, and I’m over here with one hand in my pocket, and the other one giving a high five.

Someone from 🇺🇦 has viewed:

My sleeping cycle is completely backwards. In the morning I feel sleepy and at night I can’t fall asleep.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Feb 3, 2026

Users Online

3,536

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via YouTube:

Weekends now feel like short commercial breaks in a stressful movie.

Freshly posted on Threads:

I used to think “9 to 5” means a job from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m.

Shared recently on Messenger:

Perhaps the best thing about getting older is that I no longer want to know everything.

Just landed via Pinterest:

People will think you know what you’re talking about if you give your opinion while cleaning a pair of reading glasses.

Trending via Pinterest:

I have tasted employment, I have tasted joblessness and I recommend generational wealth guys.

Making waves on LinkedIn:

That awkward moment when you leave a store without buying anything, and all you can think is: “Act normal, you are innocent.”

Spotted on WeChat:

I’m not being smart, I’m just a skilled trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

Spotted on Messenger:

They should invent something in between coffee and narcotics.

Shared recently on Telegram:

Me: trying to rest. Earthquake: Let’s make that a no.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Accidentally wore a blue shirt to Walmart and now I’m in the stockroom showing Sue how to use the forklift.

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

6 days ago

Funny Quotes

Funny quote about holiday aftermath, highlighting the microwave’s risky morning after Christmas.

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Commentary:
Sounds like the microwaves have declared December 26th a national day of panic! 🌪️🎄📦

after, appliance, Christmas, cooking, danger, dangerous, day, holiday, microwave, morning

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Social Media Stars ⭐

81 shares on Discord this month:

If alcohol damages your short-term memory, imagine what alcohol can do.

28 shares on Threads this month:

Sometimes, I feel like my brain is still running on Windows 95.

24 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Remember you are dust and, after you send this email, to dust you shall return.

95 shares on Instagram this month:

It’s not a Sunday unless you completely waste it and then feel sad around 8 p.m.

46 shares on YouTube this month:

I pretend I don’t care about stuff, but that’s only because I have no idea what’s going on around me at any given time.

88 shares on X this month:

What if we kissed while watching the decay of our society?

19 shares on X this month:

There should be a zoo that has people from every country in it.

67 shares on WeChat this month:

Missionary, so we can discuss how 15 min can save us 15% or more on car insurance.

41 shares on Twitch this month:

Just got my steps in by avoiding someone I know.

38 shares on Telegram this month:

You should get one IG story in addition to your one phone call when you’re arrested.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇫 has shared:

Coffee tastes so much better handed to me.

Someone from 🇬🇳 has shared:

The show “How I Met Your Mother” was just a really long TED talk.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has copied:

The world is my ostrich, or whatever.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has shared:

You guys can continue with the week, I’ve stopped here.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has bookmarked:

Today I broke my personal record for most consecutive days lived.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

My kid’s superpower is knowing he won’t like a food before he even tries it.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

I don’t do anything with my life except romanticize and decay with indecision.

Someone from 🇰🇪 has bookmarked:

The older I get, the more I lose my looks. But I’m also losing my eyesight, so it’s not my problem.

Someone from 🇧🇹 has copied:

Egyptians did pretty well for a civilization that wrote entirely in emoji.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has bookmarked:

It’s leg day. No, not at the gym, dummy. I’m shaving them.

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on Instagram:

I’ve decided to become an organ donor. When I die, I want an elephant to get a new trunk.

Seen just now on Snapchat:

I wonder if BBQ thinks about me too.

Spreading quickly via Reddit:

Wow, this was a really long day of playing on my phone.

Going viral on X:

After nearly 40 years, I finally came to understand why some men slip away into a quiet, private life, far from the masses.

Broadcasted on YouTube:

Lost my Thesaurus. Gutted. Really gutted. Like absolutely gutted.

Live now on Facebook:

I went to a mind reader. She almost went mad.

Shared recently on LinkedIn:

I have tasted sending long paragraphs, and I have tasted saying OK. I highly recommend saying OK.

Seen just now on Slack:

How bad can a decision really be if nobody from the future shows up to stop you?

Spotted on Telegram:

Breaking a heart is considered bad, but melting a heart is somehow good.

Just shared via Discord:

The older I get, the more I hate making extra stops after work. I drive home like I’m late for the house.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Social Media Stars ⭐

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Activity Log ✨

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The day after Christmas is a dangerous morning to be a microwave.

Keep the laugh going 😂

I look stable, but I talk to animals, and wait for them to reply.

People have ex girlfriends, I have ex crushes.

My toddler asked if we could go to the zoo today, and I said, “I can’t see that happening.” Then she literally left the room and came back with my glasses.

Until I open the wrapper and look inside it’s Schrödinger’s Kit Kat.

Hey (threateningly), can I join your years-old, tight-knit, close friend group?

If you’re cremated after you die, you can be put into an hourglass and continue to participate in family game night.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨