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10,000+ funny quotes

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Someone from 🇹🇬 has downloaded:

October is the situationship of months. So briefly beautiful, but you know the horrors are imminent.

Someone from 🇲🇱 has downloaded:

Cleaning out your camera roll is like the biggest chore ever.

Someone from 🇱🇾 has bookmarked:

Why there is always a kid crying when I go to the store? Dude, you aren’t the one paying for it. Stop!

Someone from 🇳🇿 has downloaded:

Nothing like waking up on a Friday and finding out it’s Tuesday.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has shared:

My back and I are definitely not the same age.

Someone from 🇦🇲 has viewed:

My goal is to do one thing each day that could prevent me from being elected to political office.

Someone from 🇧🇸 has shared:

The fact it costs $15 to get a basic meal at a fast-food restaurant now is comical.

Someone from 🇵🇬 has shared:

“What’s your music taste?” Don’t know, man. If it sounds good, I’m adding it to the playlist.

Someone from 🇦🇬 has shared:

Apparently, all my new nephew wants to do is eat and sleep, which means he’s already a lot like me.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has copied:

Whoever coined, “No good deed goes unpunished”, must have fed some seagulls.

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Funny Quotes Total

15,753

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17,766

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15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

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Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on TikTok:

By now, we’ve all figured out that these LED bulbs don’t actually last 15 years, but we’ve collectively decided to just let it slide.

Going bananas on Reddit:

You know the trouble with real life? There’s no danger music.

Going viral on YouTube:

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: you either have a naked window neighbor or you are the naked window neighbor.

Seen just now on X:

Please pray for my daughter, who had to empty the dishwasher when she “just did this yesterday and she’s tired.”

Trending via Twitch:

Men are very good at being women lately.

Seen just now on Slack:

They say every snowflake is different, as if someone actually checked them.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

It’s so funny how every true crime documentary eventually devolves into a story about how the police botched the entire investigation.

Just shared via WeChat:

“A healthy lifestyle is all about balance,” I say as I drive through Taco Bell after working out.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Nobody is more cold-blooded than a toddler, just saying what they see and feel.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I’m so good at sleeping that I can do it with my eyes closed.

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

2 months ago

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When your nosiness finally pays off with a PhD in everyone's business 🕵️‍♀️😂📚

being, bitch, curiosity, determination, humor, investigation, nosiness, nosy, research, research skill, skill, wants

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45 shares on Messenger this month:

I woke up from a deep sleep in a panic thinking I was late for work. Thankfully, I was already there.

47 shares on Telegram this month:

Mike is short for Micycle.

88 shares on YouTube this month:

Nothing more humiliating than sending a text message with a picture and the picture doesn’t send for ages and now you’ve said something sooo odd out of context.

90 shares on Facebook this month:

Petition to add fitted sheet folding to the olympics.

50 shares on Twitch this month:

Current situation: lying in bed, trying to manifest breakfast.

48 shares on Facebook this month:

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

61 shares on Snapchat this month:

My taste in music ranges from “You’ve gotta listen to this” to “I know, please don’t judge me.”

78 shares on Discord this month:

Twitter is the only place where well-articulated sentences still get misinterpreted. You can say “I like pancakes,” and somebody will say, “So you hate waffles?”

24 shares on WeChat this month:

“You’re at the age where both 1990 and 2003 are flirting with you.”

87 shares on Twitch this month:

I shouldn’t have to go to work if it’s rainy. I should get to stare out the window all day like a cat.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇲🇲 has viewed:

I bet the person who named the fireplace also named the waterfall.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has viewed:

What are some beginner bad habits for someone just getting into ruining their life?

Someone from 🇸🇦 has shared:

The secret to being a private person is to overshare dumb shit so people think you are an open book but then not tell them any of the important details of your life.

Someone from 🇴🇲 has shared:

I’ll be like “I’m fine” then shake my leg at 150 mph.

Someone from 🇹🇭 has bookmarked:

Do you know how much trauma it took to be this funny?

Someone from 🇲🇰 has downloaded:

Eating rice with my hands, but not in a political way. In a lazy, fat guy way.

Someone from 🇦🇩 has shared:

Having to pee when you’re driving is problematic. Having to sneeze when you’re driving is even more problematic.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has copied:

Every time you give someone the benefit, they deliver the doubt.

Someone from 🇨🇬 has copied:

I’ve literally never copied and pasted text and thought, “I’m so glad it kept the formatting and font from the other document.”

Someone from 🇦🇪 has copied:

“NOT dishwasher safe!” You’ll be okay, buddy, just do your best in there.

Social Media Log 💫

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Valentine’s Day this week. If you have a crush on me we still have time to get cards and shave.

Making waves on Reddit:

I hate managing money, I was born to splurge.

Just landed via LinkedIn:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

Spotted on Telegram:

Job posting: $15/hr for master’s degree. Burrito menu: $23 for bean and cheese burrito.

Seen just now on Discord:

I haven’t been with anyone in 3 years. I feel sorry for my next boyfriend. He might not make it through the day.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

My exorcist thinks we should see other demons.

Breaking via TikTok:

Opening up to people is a scam. Don’t do it.

Just shared via LinkedIn:

You know you’re over 50 when you have “upstairs Ibuprofen” and “downstairs Ibuprofen”.

Going bananas on WhatsApp:

If I had a boyfriend, I’d put him in a snow globe and shake it really hard.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

Why do they call it a garage sale instead of a garbage sale?

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Activity Log ✨

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

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Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The greatest research skill you can have is being a nosy bitch who wants to find out.

Keep the laugh going 😂

Getting paid 26 times in 365 days is not my destiny.

Tonight, my poor liver has to pay again for what went wrong during the week.

I dreamed I won the lottery, so you can imagine how thrilled I was to wake up and get ready for work.

Everything is dishwasher safe if you don’t care enough about it.

My kids practically have medical degrees they’re at the nurse so much.

I think we just need to accept that the 90’s was our peak as a species.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨