Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇧🇯 has copied:

I want a pet eagle that’s trained to steal people’s sandwiches for me.

Someone from 🇬🇭 has bookmarked:

No one suddenly needs anything more than a kid whose mom has just sat down and gotten comfortable.

Someone from 🇲🇳 has viewed:

“Your boos mean nothing to me. I’ve seen what you cheer.” Is a goated doctrine. If Rick and Morty gave us anything, it gave us that.

Someone from 🇵🇱 has viewed:

Self-esteem’s so bad my fantasies are hurting my feelings.

Someone from 🇱🇨 has downloaded:

Probably the most humiliating thing that can happen when you die is that you come back as a fitted-sheet ghost.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has bookmarked:

Hulk Hogan’s gone, so I’ll be ripping shirts and screaming “BROTHERRR!” at strangers in his honor.

Someone from 🇻🇳 has copied:

When I die, I hope it’s early in the morning, so I don’t have to go to work that day for no reason.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I need to figure out what I’m going to wear to the couch on New Year’s Eve.

Someone from 🇸🇩 has viewed:

It’s not that I want more shoes, it’s just that they keep making them in my size.

Someone from 🇦🇷 has copied:

I’m glad it’s not snowing. I can’t imagine shoveling snow in this heat.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

105 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,374

Funny Quotes Topics

17,485

Funny Quotes Images

15,374

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,573

Social Media Log 💫

Shared recently on TikTok:

Someone has left me a voicemail. I don’t know what to do. Open the phone app? The contacts? Do I turn on the TV?

Trending via YouTube:

These days I just accept the website cookies without any protest. Website is like Grandma, I’m not gonna fight with her.

Freshly posted on Slack:

Ain’t no way there’s billions of us and nobody got superpowers.

Going bananas on Instagram:

I pray this boy wins in life. I wanna see him on top of me.

Trending via Telegram:

Waiting patiently for the alien invasion.

Making waves on TikTok:

I still make time for all my favorite hobbies, like drinking, swearing, and making people feel uncomfortable.

Seen just now on Slack:

I can’t watch Sex and the City anymore, because I get really upset at how much money these ladies have.

Just landed via Slack:

Bartender asked me to give his place a one-star Google review to keep the vibe lowkey. Insane method.

Making waves on Pinterest:

“Don’t bite the hand that feeds you!” Maybe just don’t bite hands. Shouldn’t have to qualify it.

Going viral on Reddit:

I’m convinced the washing machine is a portal to another dimension for socks.

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
Turning up to a date is my version of a grand romantic gesture 😂💃🥳

date, done, honesty, humor, punctuality, relationship, thing, turn

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

0

2 months ago

annoy, calm, humor, irony, people, unhappy
Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

0

2 months ago

allergy, cat, humor, meowlergy, pets, pun, wordplay
Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

0

2 months ago

activity, early, early leave, email, finds, fun, fun activity, hope, humor, leave, moonwalking, motivation, work
I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

0

2 months ago

always, except, feel, humor, i, insomnia, irony, laziness, sarcasm, sleep, sleepiness, sleepy, want
Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

0

2 months ago

explore, house, humor, nature, pest, spider, still, world
It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

0

5 months ago

appearance, attractive, attractive person, fair, good, humor, jealousy, people, person, skill, talent, things, unfair

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

95 shares on Pinterest this month:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

60 shares on Pinterest this month:

That moment the doorbell rings and you tip toe to the window pretending you’re not home.

88 shares on LinkedIn this month:

The question I ask myself most often is, “What would a jury think about this?”

67 shares on LinkedIn this month:

Please don’t celebrate April Fool’s day if you’re not a fool. My culture is not your costume.

81 shares on Pinterest this month:

The delivery guy absolutely hates it when I call him my pizza mule.

73 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I’m officially at the age where my favorite thing to do is sit down.

47 shares on Messenger this month:

Some things are better left unsaid, unless you’re on X.

31 shares on Messenger this month:

I’ve worn oversized T-shirts so much that I suffocate if I wear one that actually fits.

18 shares on WeChat this month:

My body is like an elastic band – no matter how I stretch it, it goes back to the nap position.

94 shares on WhatsApp this month:

A moment of silence for the paycheck that was in my account for five minutes.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇦🇷 has bookmarked:

Having sex with the same person gets freakier and nastier each time.

Someone from 🇫🇷 has bookmarked:

Imagine hating me, and I’m just here unloading my dishwasher.

Someone from 🇬🇧 has shared:

You’d think the heat and humidity would steam some of the wrinkles out of my body.

Someone from 🇧🇬 has viewed:

If I’m ever in a coma, please pluck my chin hairs.

Someone from 🇨🇾 has bookmarked:

I think my leftovers are old enough to throw themselves away.

Someone from 🇮🇶 has copied:

My muffin top has become a full blown birthday cake.

Someone from 🇬🇦 has shared:

To horses, hay is considered both a bed and breakfast.

Someone from 🇫🇲 has copied:

The eyes are the windows to the soul. A mustache is the front garden, and the mouth is that big pothole the council should do something about.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has viewed:

The gym gives you energy, but you need energy to get to the gym. Feels like a pyramid scheme, if you ask me.

Someone from 🇸🇹 has bookmarked:

Don’t even get into my car if you’re just gonna scream every time I hit something.

Social Media Log 💫

Live now on Telegram:

I’m just here to make you wish I wasn’t.

Freshly posted on Slack:

This Dollar Tree energy drink has me seeing colors that aren’t available to the naked eye, yet.

Freshly posted on LinkedIn:

This summer went by so fast, I didn’t even get a chance to lose any weight.

Freshly posted on Telegram:

Moose would have been a better name for a cow.

Going viral on Instagram:

My bear’s diarrhea problems are really starting to worry me. The vet says he’s getting better but he’s not out of the woods yet.

Freshly posted on WeChat:

I don’t like violence, but I don’t mind if I get hit by luck.

Spotted on Twitch:

Edging my house plants by putting them next to the window when it rains.

Just landed via Threads:

My diet was going really well until I woke up.

Shared recently on Slack:

The Scream movies were believable in the ’90s, but no one with any common sense answers unknown numbers on their phones anymore.

Going viral on WhatsApp:

Apart from “It’s okay”, what other death threats do women use?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The nicest thing I’ve done for a date is turn up.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

It’s funny how you can annoy unhappy people by remaining calm.

Who called them cat allergies and not meowlergies?

Hope this email finds you moonwalking out of work early.

I always feel sleepy, except when I want to sleep.

Spiders have the whole world to explore but still try to come up in my house.

It’s not fair when attractive people are also good at things.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨