Wordgag ツ

10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇯🇲 has shared:

I will charge a 25% tariff on my steely gaze.

Someone from 🇧🇾 has shared:

I like liking Instagram stories because I like pressing buttons.

Someone from 🇳🇪 has copied:

If you inject Botox into a raisin, does it turn back into a grape?

Someone from 🇦🇴 has viewed:

I ordered mushrooms on my pizza. When do they kick in?

Someone from 🇳🇵 has viewed:

I stay away from beef-flavored cat food. At no point could Sylvia realistically bring down a cow, and I don’t need that kind of ego in the house.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has bookmarked:

My daily routine. Morning: Feeling tired, cranky and lazy. Afternoon: I could go for a nap. Night: I can’t sleep.

Someone from 🇨🇿 has viewed:

I had no idea being an adult would involve so many lotions.

Someone from 🇮🇳 has copied:

The place where you pour in the gas is the car’s gasshole.

Someone from 🇦🇴 has downloaded:

Mrs. Doubtfire is my favorite movie about violating a custody agreement.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has copied:

Of course, I also put my mobile down from time to time. For example, when someone tries to call me.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,311

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on Slack:

Thank God for headphones and day dreaming.

Trending via Threads:

“It’s the most wonderful crime of the year!” I crooned running away with the pot of Santa’s donations.

Just landed via X:

“I asked Grok. I asked ChatGPT.” Yeah, well, I asked my mom. She said no.

Trending via Slack:

Flirting when bored can really get you into some unwanted situations.

Going viral on Threads:

People who live in glass houses should install frosted glass around the toilet part.

Seen just now on TikTok:

Unfortunately for things, they have no choice but to work out for me.

Just shared via Facebook:

If the man is silent, he is a thinker. If the woman is silent, the thinker is in big trouble.

Just shared via WhatsApp:

Spotify wrapped is like my annual mental health report and it’s getting worse by each passing year.

Spotted on X:

Daffodil totally sounds like an insult, you blooming daffodil.

Breaking via WhatsApp:

I logged on to Amazon and they said that they have run out of things that I don’t need.

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

2 months ago

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Well, at least you got your cardio in! 🏃‍♂️💸 Who knew financial struggles could double as a workout plan? 💪😅"

exercise, fitness, humor, i, joke, last, money, month, procrastination, running, spending

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

0

2 months ago

alert, camera, check, curiosity, door, door camera, funny habit, habit, home, home security, just, me, outside, security, stepping, stepping outside, temperature, temperature check, warm, weather, weather curiosity
We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

0

2 months ago

Barbie, culture, environmentalism, got, humor, irony, little, microplastic, microplastics, pop, pop culture, self-reflection, us
I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

0

2 months ago

days, humor, i, little, people, research, weekend, work, WTF
I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

0

2 months ago

concept, dinosaur, dinosaurs, dislike, documentary, eat, everyone, humor, i, opinion, saw
I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

0

2 months ago

boss, employee, found, Funny, gone, hr, humor, i, joke, joke gone wrong, management, office, tell, told, workplace, workplace humor, wrong
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

0

2 months ago

consumerism, happiness, humor, irony, know, money, shopping

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

48 shares on Snapchat this month:

Things will be fine, eventually—in thousands of years—for rocks.

85 shares on Snapchat this month:

You don’t get to tell me what to do, you’re not my cat.

34 shares on Threads this month:

Best friends should be able to apply to jobs together and get hired as a set.

20 shares on Facebook this month:

When I say “I hate drama”, I mean I hate being involved in drama. Other people’s drama? Big fan!

29 shares on Threads this month:

Check yourself before you Shrek yourself.

97 shares on Reddit this month:

I’m never really sure what to do with my hands when I go jogging, so I don’t go jogging.

77 shares on TikTok this month:

If you like Christmas so much, why don’t you merry it?

19 shares on YouTube this month:

Tell your dog I said woof woof.

32 shares on WhatsApp this month:

I was dismayed to hear the story of Rumpelstiltskin. I had no idea he was like that outside of work.

52 shares on Discord this month:

I only buy cookware with the handles that somehow get hotter than the pot itself.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇳 has copied:

Always be kind. You never know who has subscriptions to your favorite streaming apps.

Someone from 🇸🇪 has viewed:

My robot vacuum and I are cut from the same cloth. When we see a line of dirt on the kitchen floor, we just spin around and go the other way.

Someone from 🇱🇹 has copied:

Opening the web before 9am is crazy. Like, did you even try to have a good day?

Someone from 🇪🇬 has viewed:

What are cats even trying to do?

Someone from 🇸🇻 has copied:

Go ahead and get some sleep, everyone. I’ll stay up and handle the overthinking.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has viewed:

Some say the world will end in fire. Others say in ice. Coming up next, our expert panel breaks down the arguments for each side…

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

Yes, I am super annoying, but don’t worry, it’s just permanent.

Someone from 🇧🇮 has bookmarked:

God invented war so that Americans can learn geography.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has bookmarked:

My morning routine includes 10 minutes of sitting on my bed and thinking about how tired I am.

Someone from 🇨🇷 has viewed:

“I asked ChatGPT.” “I asked Grok.” I asked God to strike me dead with lightning.

Social Media Log 💫

Seen just now on Messenger:

Oh good. Another day.

Going viral on Messenger:

My dentist said my teeth were stained and asked if I smoke or drink coffee? I said, “I drink it.”

Just shared via Snapchat:

Caught the bouquet at the funeral.

Spotted on Telegram:

Tech bro obsessed with “storytelling,” but hasn’t read a book in the last 5 years.

Spotted on Twitch:

Kendrick inspires me to be a bigger, deeper, more passionate hater.

Freshly posted on Instagram:

One day I’ll have a sassy, know-it-all daughter, and my husband will say, “She got that from you,” and I can’t wait.

Broadcasted on Pinterest:

Drinking coffee because hitting people over the head with a shovel is frowned upon.

Trending via Threads:

After Michael Jordan joined a religious order, he was known as Air Friar.

Freshly posted on Twitch:

Old enough to know better. Young enough to do it anyway.

Going bananas on Slack:

She doesn’t want flowers, she wants to invoke an ancient curse.

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The only exercise I done last month was running out of money.

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

My door camera alerts are all just me stepping outside to see how warm it is.

We all got a little Barbie in us (the microplastics).

I did a little research on why weekends are only two days long and it turns out people made that up. WTF, people?

I recently saw a documentary about dinosaurs. They simply ate everyone they didn’t like. I like that concept.

I told a joke to my boss, and he must have found it really funny because now I get to tell it to HR.

Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨