The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

Someone from has bookmarked:

Hey! Remember in the first grade when we were all just chilling and then some kid would throw up out of nowhere?

Someone from has copied:

Skinning your knee as an adult is so humiliating. That’s the toddler injury.

Someone from has downloaded:

My security system is just a bunch of my unpaid bills taped to my front door.

Someone from has viewed:

Every morning I wake up and think I have a hangover, but then I realize I didn’t drink, and this is just how I feel now.

Someone from has copied:

Sometimes nature makes art, like trees, waterfalls, and the human butt.

Someone from has bookmarked:

If a woman says she’ll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be. No need to remind her every half hour.

Someone from has downloaded:

Sorry for bouncing my leg. I’m not allowed to bash my head into the walls anymore.

Someone from has shared:

Guilty pleasure? Why would I ever feel guilty about pleasure.

Someone from has downloaded:

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

Someone from has downloaded:

I’m a single issue voter. I’m single and it’s an issue.