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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇹🇯 has shared:

What do you mean I never reach out? I literally thought about you.

Someone from 🇮🇱 has bookmarked:

Life is just a vicious cycle of needing to go to the grocery store.

Someone from 🇸🇨 has downloaded:

I got 99 problems and money could solve at least 69 of them.

Someone from 🇨🇭 has bookmarked:

There is still plenty of room in my heart, but the bouncer has become a little stricter in recent years.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has bookmarked:

I talk to one guy, and he wants to break my heart. I talk to five guys, and they all wanna take me seriously.

Someone from 🇪🇨 has downloaded:

The human brain is great. It works from the second you are born and stops as soon as you start liking someone.

Someone from 🇦🇫 has bookmarked:

The quality of clothing at retail stores today is quite literally the quality that Halloween costumes used to be.

Someone from 🇨🇳 has bookmarked:

She’s probably just not using her phone right now for the first time ever in her whole life.

Someone from 🇵🇰 has copied:

Twitter will always be your best app if you’re single, funny, or just depressed.

Someone from 🇶🇦 has copied:

I’m not bothered if you don’t like me, awesomeness isn’t for everyone.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Jan 31, 2026

3,609

Social Media Log 💫

Spotted on Threads:

If I’m too quiet you can rest assured I’m in the process of planning my sweet escape or your equally sweet demise.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Having a daughter is like having a little broke best friend who thinks you’re rich.

Spreading quickly via WhatsApp:

A good French onion soup will have you acting like a pervert.

Spreading quickly via Instagram:

Cooking with glasses on is so humiliating. Why did I just get blinded by steam?

Live now on YouTube:

Downloading the Titanic soundtrack. It’s syncing right now.

Just shared via Reddit:

Going from summer clothes to winter clothes: “Okay!” Going from winter clothes to summer clothes: “I AM NOT READY!”

Shared recently on Twitch:

World domination? I don’t even want to be responsible for myself.

Freshly posted on YouTube:

Welcome, new followers! It’s all downhill from here.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

Forget pheromones, barbecue smells are always attractive.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

My girlfriend wants us to try couples counseling and I said we should use my therapist because he already knows what’s wrong with her.

The only running I do is to chase the ice cream truck.

1 day ago

Playful quote about avoiding exercise to chase ice cream truck.

Download image ↓

Commentary:
"Who needs a gym membership when you can just sprint after the ice cream truck for your cardio workout? It's the perfect motivation to stay fit and indulge in a sweet treat at the same time – talk about killing two birds with one ice cream cone!"

activity, chase, craving, cream, fitness, fun, fun activity, humor, ice, ice cream, running, truck

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

Funny Quotes Collections

✨ New Funny Quotes

Social Media Stars ⭐

25 shares on WhatsApp this month:

Imagine buying a new car, and some superhero throws it at an alien.

45 shares on Twitch this month:

Polish girls are just winter Latinas.

57 shares on Threads this month:

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

43 shares on WeChat this month:

I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.

62 shares on Snapchat this month:

There’s something fundamentally wrong with the way people interact with each other on LinkedIn.

70 shares on Twitch this month:

My neighbor is having some kind of party and didn’t invite me. I guess I have to call the cops again.

49 shares on Telegram this month:

Patience: something you have when there are too many witnesses around.

64 shares on Snapchat this month:

Alcohol and eye contact is a deadly combo.

77 shares on Discord this month:

Women always want to marry intelligent men. What they don’t know: Intelligent men don’t want to marry.

65 shares on Slack this month:

Aging gracefully is like getting steamrolled gracefully, you should really be screaming.

Trending Topics 📁

Hot Jokes 💥

10 folks are currently checking 👀

Therapy isn’t enough. I need a new identity and a passport.

23 folks are currently checking 👀

You’re like if “nope” was a person.

16 folks are currently checking 👀

Two sheep walk into a baaaaa.

11 folks are currently checking 👀

Single introverts be like, “If it’s meant to be, my future love will simply teleport into my living room.”

15 folks are currently checking 👀

As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I’m totally flexible.

7 folks are currently checking 👀

Fitbits are just Tamagotchis, except the stupid animal you’re trying to keep alive is you.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Every time you rub your eyes, they should change color a little.

14 folks are currently checking 👀

Friday the 13th doesn’t even feel creepy cause bad things happen everyday now.

13 folks are currently checking 👀

I remember when my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? And I told him everyone knows he doesn’t hire stupid people.

17 folks are currently checking 👀

Good news, I just decided I don’t care about anything anymore.

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

calculating…

Funny Quotes Total

15,753

Funny Quotes Topics

17,766

Funny Quotes Images

15,753

Updated

Jan 31, 2026

Users Online

3,512

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇬🇩 has viewed:

Stretching my back isn’t enough; I need to take out my spine and wring it out like a towel.

Someone from 🇦🇹 has viewed:

At the club asking for Ibuprofen.

Someone from 🇬🇩 has shared:

Not to brag but I don’t need alcohol to do something stupid.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has downloaded:

I bet whenever a pilot drives a car there’s a brief moment of panic like “why isn’t it going up?”

Someone from 🇨🇷 has bookmarked:

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but throw away your disgusting dish sponge.

Someone from 🇨🇺 has viewed:

Can I come over and crawl around on you like a bug?

Someone from 🇸🇪 has copied:

How does world hunger exist when we can fry air?

Someone from 🇺🇸 has bookmarked:

A frightening number of young people alive today don’t know about Knight Rider.

Someone from 🇬🇪 has downloaded:

Coffee ain’t cutting it anymore. I need to eat batteries.

Someone from 🇻🇺 has shared:

Heavy on the ‘mhm,’ cause people just be talking.

Social Media Log 💫

Making waves on YouTube:

At this point, if I get picked up by aliens, I’m just gonna go ahead and consider it a rescue mission instead of an abduction.

Trending via TikTok:

Why do Marvel movies need 3 hours to accomplish what The Powerpuff Girls did in 11 minutes?

Shared recently on Facebook:

Can’t believe penguins have to publish all those books with their tiny hands.

Broadcasted on Snapchat:

150 years ago, you could just fake your death and go overseas and live a completely different life if you didn’t like the way the cards were originally dealt.

Spotted on LinkedIn:

The ideal girlfriend breaks your heart, so you go on to do great things.

Spotted on Facebook:

iPhone: I’m gonna update your software tonight while you sleep. Next morning, iPhone: I couldn’t do it, bro. Just didn’t feel right. Vibe was off.

Broadcasted on Messenger:

It is a mistake to say that the people who live a hundred years from now will have nothing to laugh at. They can laugh at us.

Making waves on WhatsApp:

Foreplay is great, I particularly like the part where I peel them, chop them into pieces, then roast them in the oven until they’re all crispy and delicious.

Spreading quickly via Telegram:

Aliens probably lock their doors when they fly past Earth.

Going bananas on Reddit:

The prettier you are, the weirder it gets.

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