The problem with relationships these days is you don’t know if you’re the one being cheated on, or cheated with.

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I’m not really a “glass half full” kind of person. I’m more of a “Where’d I put my glass?” kind of person.

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I am dressing for the job I want. I want to be a sweatpants model.

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If you’re out shopping this week, be nice to the retail workers. It’s not their fault you waited to shop until Mary’s water broke.

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Don’t argue with her. Just say “you remind me of my ex” then walk away.

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When a girl is done with you, she talks to you like she’s in HR or something.

Someone from 🇲🇭 has shared:

How I flirt? I look at an attractive person several times and hope that they are bolder than me.

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Behind every robot that turns evil is an engineer who specifically installed red LEDs into the eyes just for this scenario.