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10,000+ funny quotes

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇭🇷 has downloaded:

Can we normalize arguing with little kids? They’re so rude.

Someone from 🇲🇪 has viewed:

Imagine having a negative opinion of me, and I have no idea who you are.

Someone from 🇱🇷 has viewed:

For Halloween, I will be okay.

Someone from 🇵🇾 has bookmarked:

Winter is actually awesome because if you put on a couple of movies at 5 p.m., it’s already pitch black and the evening is super long, so it feels like you’re staying up til 2 a.m., but in reality, it’s only 11 p.m. 10/10!

Someone from 🇲🇱 has viewed:

Facebook is extremely over-engineered for a birthday reminder app.

Someone from 🇱🇮 has bookmarked:

Twitter is like a psych ward with no staff.

Someone from 🇺🇬 has copied:

I taught my kids about democracy tonight by having them vote on which movie to watch and pizza to order. I then picked the movie and pizza because I’m the one with the money.

Someone from 🇬🇲 has bookmarked:

You ever want someone so bad it pisses you off a little.

Someone from 🇭🇺 has downloaded:

A garlic a day keeps people away.

Someone from 🇰🇳 has viewed:

“Clean” my shower? Then what? Give my car a ride into town?

Funny Quotes Data 🤓

New Funny Quotes

55 this month

Funny Quotes Total

15,324

Funny Quotes Topics

17,443

Funny Quotes Images

15,324

Updated

Jan 2, 2026

Users Online

3,492

Social Media Log 💫

Breaking via Threads:

I’m so bored of being bored, because being bored is really boring.

Shared recently on Pinterest:

I need a horror movie where a kidnapper abducts a possessed child and finds out.

Just landed via Reddit:

How do I even know this guy is my “boss”? I’ve just been taking his word for it.

Just shared via Messenger:

76% of pardoned turkeys end up back in the system.

Freshly posted on Snapchat:

I think my bank account has been taking Ozempic.

Making waves on YouTube:

Who’s your favorite horror director? Mine’s God.

Just landed via Messenger:

I got a raise! On my meds dosage. But still.

Spotted on X:

Tattoos are a great convo starter. So as an introvert, I kinda regret getting them.

Breaking via Slack:

If there’s one thing I’m good at, it’s being annoyed by stupidity.

Just shared via WeChat:

I know I’m almost 40 because I had a few drinks last night and woke up this morning thinking: Oh no I bought so many socks online last night.

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

3 months ago

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Commentary:
I skipped class to avoid stress, but now I'm stressed about skipping class—it's a stress sandwich with no escape! 🥪😅📚

avoid, avoid stress, class, life, only, paradox, skip, skip class, skipping, stress, student, student life

Trending Funny Quotes 👇

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

0

2 months ago

admiration, celebrity, cruise, feel, feelings, humor, i, patriotism, tom, Tom Cruise
I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

0

2 months ago

addiction, coping, coping mechanism, humor, life, me, mechanism, smoking, stop, stress, weed
Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

0

2 months ago

buy, every, experience, hope, humor, i, irony, optimism, over, shopping, time, triumph, vegetable
Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

0

2 months ago

character, contrast, existence, humor, parody, shady, slim, Slim Shady, sunny, thicc, Thicc Sunny, wordplay
Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

0

2 months ago

food, gangster, humor, irony, pronounce, pronunciation, sauce, time, worcestershire, Worcestershire sauce
My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

0

3 months ago

anxiety, exercise, fitness, gym, gym anxiety, gym time, i, introvert, only, personal, personal space, problem, solitude, space, time, workout

New Funny Quotes

🎲 Random Funny Quotes

Welcome to Wordgag! 😉✌️ Enjoy endless laughter with our collection of funny quotes guaranteed to crack you up. 😂💥

Social Media Stars ⭐

44 shares on WeChat this month:

What can I buy my wife for Valentine’s Day that finally proves to her once and for all that I have absolutely no idea what she likes or who she is?

20 shares on Threads this month:

I always wait 3 minutes after each post for the applause to die down.

52 shares on Pinterest this month:

People need to understand the difference between want and need. Like, I want abs, but I need chocolate.

37 shares on YouTube this month:

I would reset the clock on your microwave for you.

94 shares on WeChat this month:

Life is so draining, you fix one problem, here come 12 more.

12 shares on Snapchat this month:

“You’re like if 9 a.m. on a Monday was a person.”

29 shares on Telegram this month:

Until further notice the days of the week are now called thisday, thatday, otherday, someday, yesterday, today and nextday!

57 shares on Telegram this month:

You ever go to a baseball game and hear a guy yelling, “hot dogs! hot dogs!” over and over again? That’s me, looking for hot dogs.

14 shares on X this month:

I hate it when what’s wrong asks me what’s wrong.

34 shares on Slack this month:

The dumbest person you know is being told, “You’re absolutely right!” by ChatGPT.

Activity Log ✨

Someone from 🇳🇿 has viewed:

Be the spooky thing in the woods that you wish to see in the world.

Someone from 🇩🇿 has bookmarked:

If anything I post makes you mad, just know that it pleases me.

Someone from 🇧🇼 has shared:

As a girl, I should be allowed to speak to the moon directly.

Someone from 🇳🇮 has bookmarked:

Girl, whatever you’re going through right now, as long as you’re not pregnant, you’re gonna be fine.

Someone from 🇩🇪 has downloaded:

The Bible is 100% accurate when thrown at close range.

Someone from 🇸🇴 has viewed:

I will never sell out my integrity unless I am offered something for it.

Someone from 🇱🇰 has shared:

I haven’t even gone to bed yet and I already can’t wait to get home from work tomorrow.

Someone from 🇩🇰 has copied:

Sometimes I miss the time when there was only one idiot per village.

Someone from 🇻🇪 has shared:

Never trust a man that’s good at flirting. He’s had too much practice.

Someone from 🇲🇦 has shared:

Fish must think we look so weird with both eyes on the front of our face.

Social Media Log 💫

Spreading quickly via X:

You know IT have given up when the error message reads, ‘Something went wrong’.

Spotted on Twitch:

My self-care routine is mostly just going to Mexican restaurants.

Seen just now on Messenger:

My favorite thing to do at the gym is stay home and eat a piece of cake.

Trending via Messenger:

Not eating the cookie I’m craving. I better wake up skinny tomorrow.

Seen just now on Threads:

I can’t explain it, but I am very bold and very shy at the same time.

Seen just now on LinkedIn:

If you’re wondering whether something is A.I. or not, A.I. has already won.

Trending via Facebook:

A Southerner dies every time you people type “ya’ll” instead of “y’all,” btw.

Trending via Twitch:

“Please feel free to ignore this email!” Way ahead of you, buddy.

Making waves on Pinterest:

Why is smoking the only addiction jobs give you breaks to do? I should get 15 minutes every hour to cook up some parlays.

Just landed via TikTok:

I’m going crazy, y’all. Coming with me?

Wordgag ツ

Activity Log ✨

The ultimate student paradox: skipping class to avoid stress, only to stress about skipping class!

Related Funny Quotes 🤝

The feelings I have for Tom Cruise are the closest approximation I have to what patriotism must feel like.

I’ll stop smoking weed when life stops smoking me.

Every time I buy vegetables it’s a triumph of hope over experience.

Slim Shady implies the existence of Thicc Sunny.

Everyone’s a gangster until it’s time to pronounce Worcestershire Sauce.

My problem is, I wanna be the only one at the gym when I go.

Social Media Stars ⭐

Trending Topics 📁

Activity Log ✨